My husband and I had a good weekend. We are together constantly. He is affectionate and tells me how much he loves being with me and would want to be with no one else. He pats me and babies me. I feel like a friend or a child. He never, never iniates any love making we have not been intimate for months now and I am loosing my own sexual feeling for him. We get along fine but I hate it that there is no intimacy. For further details read my previous posting. Any ideas from any one?

didi,<p>I think the obvious thing is to talk to him about this issue in a straightforward manner. Tell him that sex is important to you, and you'd like him to initiate it. Find out how he feels about it. Come to some enthuastiac agreement (Policy of Joint Agreement). If possible, make sure that you have in place a plan for 'monitoring' the progress.<p>This is assuming that there are no 'medical' reasons this won't work.<p>Also, can you 'initiate' more often; and if you do, do you get turned down often?

K<br>Thanks for responding. If you read my earlier post I said he has told me many times that he is not sexually attracted to me. I find it hard to believe that excuse because he loves on me all of the time just not ever in a sexual way. He has given me many, many excuses. Most of them don't make any sense to me. We have only been married for three years he is 52 and married 2 times before. Excuses are: been there done that, not interested any more, not sexually attracted, I have had a vasectomy I'm just shooting blanks, you put too much pressure on me, etc. I guess maybe he just doesn't know since hiss excuses ramble and change. I have said"either he doesn't know and is confused, or he DOES know and he just isn't leveling with me." He wants us to stay together. As for as me initiating I used to and it would work sometimess expecially in a playful mood. BUt many times he would recoil. You can only initiate so many times and be turned down before you will just quit. Then my feelings are beginning to dissolve.<br>

Well, it sounds like you did the 'easy' first choice of just discussing the problem.<p>At 52, there's a chance that his testosterone levels have dropped. This would definitely affect his sex drive. Although I recall your earlier post, I don't remember if you indicted that he his 'decreased desire' is a global thing or whether you think it's specific to you.<p>Because the sex issue is so important to you (a top emotional need), you will need to discuss the REASONS behind his not being 'sexually attracted' to you, and the two of you are going to have to find a way to put a plan into place for this. He may be sparing you some type of details concerning your 'attractiveness'; in essence, advoidance-lying. While this may have the admirable goal of not hurting your feelings, it's obviously not helping the situation.<p>He needs to know the seriousness of the problem, and it may help to do this in counseling. <p>I wish that I had a concrete strategy for dealing with this issue, didi. But I don't; I've been celibate for 2 years (forced...) and my wife and I are just beginning to work on those issues. Our problems are wrapped up in an affair that she had and is complicated by her pregnancy. But for me, the issue of getting turned down endlessly hits home. While I haven't lost interest, I do realize that a change in the way I ask is going to be necessary. But in the end, it takes cooperation to make this all work; and unlike many emotional needs, this is one that really can only be filled by a spouse.<p>Good luck.