Well, went to court today for a provisional hearing, On the way to the courthouse a 15 mile travel, guess who was in front of me...The OW she acted a little nervous , but I just kept a distance she could see me but not to close, kinda funny in a way I still haven't seen her face (which I'm glad), and it's been almost a year. H wasn't with her, she must of been heading somewhere else. At the courthouse, I couldn't help it when H sit clear across the hallway,,I said "It sure is sad we have to be on opposite sides of the room" he just lowered his head. Well his attorney got mad at me when he introduced himself and I nodded instead of shaking his outreached hand.....He got so frustrated he exited the room leaving my husband sitting there without any instructions as what to do. Then during the hearing, they were insisting that visitation be set asap because I was refusing to let him kept the kids over night. My attorney brought out that he was living with a female companion, and his attorney said "Oh please, this is a common practice" But you know, as much as everyone tries to make it right this "practice" is not right. But I feel like a lone soldier agruing the point. Anyway, H attorney insisted on final hearing within 30 days and the judge agreed with that although he refused to make a judgement on anything today without himself reviewing our case further. But, H is definitely heading toward life with OW. on a permanent basis. Have any of you here, divorced and reconciled? My nine yr old ask me that this morning,,,,"Can't you and daddy still get back together even if he divorces you? I said it is possible, but daddy has to want to come home to get back together. Yucky day..........Blah........Sigh<BR>

Oh Cbs - I'm sorry for all of this for you and the kids. Noone should have to endure this - especially the nonchalontness (splg?) of the legal system. You're right - yuck, Ugh!! What the heck is wrong with everybody??<P>When I left court at my provisional hearing - I just wanted to take a shower!! I felt like I was with a bunch of filthy seedy characters and had just gotten put on display for them with my life out there for them to see and judge. UGH!! It was awful!!!<P>H and I sat together and were fine with each other - we even said that we both felt "funny" and neither of us liked it!! Then he proceeded to get on the stand and lie!!!! So much for being fine!!!<P>Hang in there and sorry I don't have any advice for you and the kids. Just know that I'm going through it too and can relate somewhat!! You have it harder with the kids.....God is with you and will help you and them through this.<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba

I read in a recent post that "Glen" recently remarried his wife whom I think was the betrayer. <P>I also knew a family where the husband and wife divorced and then a couple of years later they remarried again. They loved each other deeply. <P>I didn't know them prior to the divorce. I can tell you this however that the husband died over 20 years ago and she still hasn't remarried and talks fondly of him to this day.<P>Anything is possible with God.<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I don't know how often it happens, but my SIL remarried her 1st husband after divorce 6 years later. No one "waited" for the other, they just found their ways back to each other. They're madly in love and doing great. <P>Do what you have to do for you and your kids. I'm so sorry about the hurt. Stay strong and remember you have friends here.<P>Lori

I don't understand why every single book I have read says it is not a good idea to even have a serious relationship for at least a year after divorce, much less introduce your kids to a SO, but the legal system acts like it is no big deal. The lawyer I talked to said that morality issues play no part in visitation-related rulings. No one cares about the kids' welfare - they are treated like chattel, and since they also "belong" to the betrayer, he/she gets to expose them to whatever they want.<P>With respect to remarriage, my parents divorced and remarried long before I was born, and spent the rest of their lives together, with my mother dying six months after my father.<BR>

cbs-<BR>I am so sorry that you are where you're at. It must be very difficult. I know that my day in court is coming soon too, but I'm not going down without a fight. I believe that God joined my h and I together for a reason and that reason wasn't so that we could be in divorce court 4 1/2 years after we said I do. I keep holding on to the fact that God hates divorce. He knows that you are doing the right thing by trying to save your marriage. Whether it will be saved at this point, I don't know. I also believe that for those fighting so hard to hold on to what is right and God given ,that we will only come out with peace in our hearts. We will not be the ones to carry around the burden for the rest of our lives, wondering, if only i had done this.<BR>Keep the faith, my friend. In my heart, no appointed judge, can take away with a signature what God brought together. No human being, how ever powerful, can dissolve what is in my heart, and make me change my mind about the vows I took in front of God.<BR>I will be praying for you. That God intervene at the 9th hour, and show you the way. Take care of yourself and your children.<BR>Cheryl

I am so sorry you and your childern have to go through this. Stay stong.<P>------------------<BR>You are in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>* Viki

Thank you to all of you for your support. I think after Tues. I'm finally beginning to accept the fact he isn't coming home. I am going to move on. A close friend has moved back to town and she has been a good support. H called today and said he couldn't come and get the kids because OW woman's child was home sick from school and he had to stay there with that child. I have such mixed emotions because I just as soon my children did not go over, but then I became upset because our kids have been sick all week with the flu and who was here to hold their hair back when they were sick ,and who went to work on 1.5 hrs of sleep because HIS kids were vomiting, but he wanted to be commended on his dedication to stay home with that child.....Oh well,,,maybe he is happy. I did think it strange as of this week H and OW started different shifts at work ,I don't know if it is long term or temporary.That's what we did was worked opposite of each other so we didn't need a sitter and he felt very tied down so I don't look for her to stay on days long<BR> See, I backslide,,,,,,I know its in God's hands and I know God doesn't want divorce. I want situation not to control my every thought and action and if I'm not very careful that's what I end up doing. Still haven't heard anything for the court I figured he would rule that afternoon and it's been two days.

cbs,<BR>My kids came down with the flu this summer, and rather than visit them here when one of them was sick, he left her behind with me while he took the others to the OW's, in spite of the fact that one of them was feeling queasy, and got sick at the OW's. He and I happened to be here simultaneously when the little one spiked a fever of over 103 and he held her while I gave her medicine and reassured her that Mommy and Daddy were there. As usual, when anything happens that brings us a little closer, he soon afterward took several giant steps away. Whether they admit it to themselves or not, I would think they must feel guilty about not being there for their sick kids.

CBS -<P>Just to let you know - the judge had said that he would rule by the next morning but we didn't hear for about a week!!<P>I guess they have certain days for certain things and Mondays seem to be divorce days here !!<P>So, don't worry about not hearing anything - they have to do the paperwork and stuff.<P>Good Luck and have Strength.<P>Hugs, <P>Sheba

CBS,<BR>We are in identical situations except my w(soon to be x-w) is living with a married man. I too fought to keep the kids from going up there, but I hated to see her come her and spend time with the kids or just take them shopping all the time.<BR>The kids are spending the nite with her tonite while om is at work but he will be coming home in morning and will meet them for the first time. <BR>My w rationalizes thsi by saying a sin is a sin, but she doesn't try to turn away.<BR>I'v fiannly realized that there is nothing I can do to prevent the kids from meeting om. Even my lawyer said nont to waste my time by bring it up. All a divorce is, is a redistribution of assets. There are no moral judgements unless you are a druggie or a an abuser. <BR>I also found it interesting that w is legally entitled to 50% of the house and my pension,but is only responsible financially 30% for the kids as she only makes 70% of what I make. How can a house or money be worth more than your kids ?????????

Well, I keep hearing his attorney say "Oh please, this is a common practice" Well, so is murder, kidnapping, rape, child abuse, but it still doesn't make it right. So why is adultery and leaving your family, to live with someone else so widely accepted, One of my best friends tonite when I was telling her that his attorney said this was a hostile divorce , agreed with his attorney, because I had yelled at him one night on the phone back in October of last year, and because I had confronted him in front of the kids about 3-4 weeks ago outside, no yelling occured just stern talk. So, maybe I'm not looking at this situation thru the right glasses. To me hostile, is the kind of divorce a lady at work is going thru, they fight in the court room foyer,they bad mouth each other all over town, they turn each other in to child protective services for this or that, etc. Maybe being of hurt mind and heart I don't see things quite like everyone else but I certainly didn't think I was being hostile, in requesting my H work on our marriage, take time for himself, and spend time with the kids on his own, not with OW, and to protect our kids by no smoking in the house and to wear the selt belt and to sit in a car seat, and to request the kids don't stay over night for peats sake we only live maybe 2miles apart bringing them home isn't like asking him to drive the length of the state everyday. And I wasn't yelling when I ask these things. I know the judge will make me send the kids, but even if its two weeks longer before I have to then that's two weeks more.......ya know . I feel for anybody going thru this. Take care all.