Today I am back at square one......well almost, I am having the anxiety, without the attack. ANYONE EVER EXPERIENCE THIS? I am hurting, but cannot cry anymore tears......I am feeling confused, but less of a haze.....<P>Yesterday morning I got up and got ready for work. I live on a rural route mail system. I had prepared some mail with forwarding address on it, for the soon to be ex. I got the stuff ready and went to put it in the mailbox, and low and behold someone had placed a half empty box of ammunition (22 bullets) in my box, the rest were emptied on the ground around the mailbox.<P>My first thoughts are of the OM, having done this to try and scare me. NOW, I think it was the stbx Wife. <P>I was told yesterday by 3 people, that she is no longer living with OM. GUess after he screamed at me Sunday, he turned on her. OR it is a lie to throw me off......who knows. HOWEVER, is number is no longer working according to these friends, so that means that NOONE knows how to reach her anymore. It has been over a week since she has been at work. She has taken all her sick, vacation, and comp time.......and I really don't expect her to show up once she has used it up.<P>WHY DO I CARE???????????????????????????????<P>I am so scared she is sleeping in the truck on the side of the road somewhere with no food or money.......<P>yet, her pride refuses to call me for help........and I think you all know, I would help her. I would not take her back, but I would help her.<P>I am so confused by my own emotions.......please........you have all been such a wonderful support.......WHY AM I FEELING THIS?????????<P>Thanks,<P>BEN

Ben,<P>Bullets in the mailbox?? Did you notify the police? I would to keep a record of it. <P>The reason you feel this way is because your normal. Its actually healthy to experience these emotions. You can't love someone one day and hate them the next. Its just not going to happen. You can hate the way they are treating you , or the things they do, but you don't actually "hate" the person. <P>It sounds like you are going thru a lot. Many of us did at the beginning of the nightmare. I thought my life would stay that way, thank God it didn't.<P>If you haven't read "rebuilding when the relationship ends" yet, you really should . This book is for people divorcing. Now anyone can read it, I've even given it to some of my friends. But it explains all these emotions your feeling, why you feel them , and how to deal with them. IT also shows you that you have to feel all these emotions to go on to a healthy relationship some day.<P>Even though you are not in that stage , the book explaining the emotions might help you. I have re-read it myself, about 6 times. <P>Be strong, be careful and hang in there,Dana<P>PS If she was using drugs, and she is missing, she may be hitting "the bottom" now and you truly may here from her when she gets there. Since she is your wife, are you able to file a missing person's report, that, and the bullets, might concern me to do so.