My husband has always been whimsical and idealistic. I have always been grounded and realistic. I think that can be good and bad. For as long as I've known him, he has changed his mind, attitude, and beliefs so many times. His behavior follows. He acts on impulse and on his current state of mind. He left because things had been strained for a while; his perspective was being skewed because of the tension in our house. He sometimes says things he doesn't mean or doesn't mean what he says. He then hates when I remember what he said two months ago. This is a part of our social life, our finances, our plans for the future, what cars we buy, religion, career goals, and personal opnions and feelings. <P>Here's the main prob: he says that the chemistry and dynamic is all wrong in our relationship. That he wonders if I am "right" for him. I believe that you get out of something what you put into it. Granted, neither of us really made any real honest nuturing effort over time. But he believes that magic is primary--more than hard work! All the hard work in the world can't replace magic, he says. I can't understand why he thinks that it would be different alone or with anyone else. I gave him HHNHN and he started reading it; said it was all common sense stuff, but that "love could not be manufactured. It either is or it isn't." I also think he discounts our early relationship, passion etc. becuase he was only 19 when we met and 23 when we married. He thinks he has matured so much and changed. In some ways yes, but his unreliablity has been the only consistent thing about him. That's his LB. <P>We are going to go to counseling ( as soon as he makes the appt.). What can I do to help him be more realistic? He says that he needs to be convinced it will work and that I'm right and that he feels love and passion for me and THEN he will commit himself to it. With this belief, we will never repair our marriage. HELP!!!!!