Well, I didn't do the MB thing too well. Plan A was OK, but he was in his own apt. and working with OW very closely....obsessing about having sex with her but not...then I detached..took the kids away for 3 weeks...he was mad and now it is also a PA....says will not come home. We had a few screaming matches and now I find myself filing.\<P><BR>Since I told him I would not talk to him while he was involved with her but now we are getting a D and I am moving....to be closer to his family for support (I move here for his job and didn't work for 12 years) should I just be plan A or be nice till I move.<P>I just couldn't take it anymore. He was so mean, cold distant weird...I figure a lot of it is guilt and being a conflict avoider...<P>So depressing. I just can't compete with his assistant who can commiserate about work, patients...go to meetings re: job.. I shouldn't have to but there it is!!

I must admit I haven't read Plan A or B. I found this site too late to save my marriage.<P>But, I hear what you are saying. How do you stay in there fighting for a marriage when the other is refusing to try, is having a blatant affair and is completely cold and heartless? I tried for some time and just couldn't take the rejection and gave up. I'm now divorced and still dealing with the pain of the loss of a marriage but I'm going on with my life and all it's terrible ups and downs. I know there are many on this site that are still trying to save their marriages. I hope they can help you. I wish I could have saved mine.<P>I know this isn't uplifting but wanted you know I hear where you are coming from and I wish you all the best.<P>

tootrusting...<P>I guess I am still a MB advocate...<P>...if you really can't do the Plan A routine...<P>...stick with it long enough to plan, write, and deliver the Plan B letter...<P>...you can/will get a lot of help writting/editting it!<P>Reread...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000177.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>...<BR>...and stay in a strong Plan B...<BR>...if possible <B>don't</B> file for the divorce...<BR>...make him do it!<P>Hey...<BR>...you forget sometimes... but...<BR>...<B>you are loved</B>!<P> <P>Jim

TooTrusting,<P>I know where you are at right now ... I was there a year ago.<P>I found this site too late, too .... my W found a new love when she went back to work for the first time after the kids were in school.<P>I was posting to this site daily, reading everything I could get my hands on, trying to maintain a healthy relationship with the kids on my weekends .... and here I am two years later ... still separated ... she still doesn't talk to me, doesn't want me to call her ... and returns any letters I send her.<P>I know it's hard for you ladies to imagine a guy can feel your hurt ... but most of us do ... we just were taught to keep it inside.<P>The plus side is I have developed a deep relationship with my sons and daughter that I know will last two lifetimes. <P>My kids were teenagers, and we did EVERYTHING together as a family and had lots of fun ... until my W started working at the Auto Auction at the request of her sister.<P>She stopped going to church with us, started going out at night, and then found every reason under the sun to scream at us for things we didn't do ..... I guess she needed to do that.<P>So give you H some more time .... know in your heart that you are a wonderful person and truly a blessing to your children and to SO many of us here on the forum.<P>Let us know what we can do, or say, or anything that will help you out.<P>SO MANY people from this list helped me get through the tough times ... and somehow I've managed to do that ..... and if nothing else, we give you hope. And sometimes just having a little hope is all you need to get through the day. <P>You are in our prayers, for sure. <P>Don<BR>