OK everyone, when will this get easier? When will we be able to go to a movie and not be reminded of our failed marriages? I just went to see a movie. It turned out to be about the scary outcome of one man's affair. I wasn't expecting it to have such an effect on me.<P>It just brought back all the pain. It just hurts so much. My x just walked away from me and his 13 year marriage for a young girl in his office (which didn't last) and never gave me a chance to try to work things out before he left. I hate when I am going along feeling better and just seeing a movie can bring it all back and have me crying all over again and wondering if I can ever trust someone again. <P>How is everyone else coping with this? I know this happens to everyone. I know this is the slippery slope they keep talking about but I hate it.<P>

Hi! I'm in the same situation--ex left me for OW who he is still with. We have been divorced 3 yrs. It still is painful, but does get slowly better. I still have trouble listening to the radio and can at least now go to a movie, but the painful twinges are just that and happen less frequently. I don't know if I will ever be completely over this person who just walked away, but each day gets just a little easier.

I don't think it ever gets better. I spent my entire adult life with my H. Everything I do or see reminds me of him. I was watching an old episode of Barney Miller, and my first thought was how the first time I saw it it was with him. Every possession reminds me of him, other than a handful of things I have left from my childhood. I still want to share the kids' accomplishments and difficulties with him, just as much as I did before he left 17 months ago.<P>I don't feel one bit differently about him than I did before he left 17 months ago. I loved him then, I love him now, and I will love him 17 years from now. Yes, I am sometimes angry at him, but that certainly does not diminish my love for him in any way. <P>And the pain is just as intense.

My H has been gone 7 months. <BR>We h/b married 32 yr. He's 53, living w/ a 26 y.o..... left me, 3 kids, 6 grandkids, and his dog (I don't count the cats, cause he never liked them).... <P>Yes, there are times when things are better than they were on the day he left. I know that TIME will help. Also right, tho, after spending all your life w/ this one man, the chances of total recovery are rare. BUT - with the right post surgical care (that scapel wound is DEEP and painful = his leaving).... the scars will be minimized. We all have our own speeds of healing. Just be sure to give it time to heal properly.... and despite the scarring, that healed wound will make stronger tissue than before the cut, and with the right care and attention, the scar won't be noticeable, and the skin will appear to others as unblemished as the day God gave us life...<P>Keep the faith,<BR>

Thanks so much for your replies. I was so upset the other day. I'm doing better today. What you have all said is so true. When you have been married to someone for so long, you never truly will get over the loss. Not just of the spouse, but of the dream. There will always be reminders or songs, etc. that will bring everything back. I just hope one day the reminders will not trigger such tears and feelings of rejection.

Hey girlfriend,<P>When does it go away??? When you stop watching those movies and listening to sad songs! <P>Seriously what you are feeling are emotional triggers. We all have them. There are certain songs that I think will bring me to tears for the rest of my life. <P>You feel that way because your normal and healthy. Faith, perserverence, strength and ultimately time, will one day all make these triggers fewer and farther in between. <P>Hang in there! And in the meantime, don't watch the Lifetime Channel! <P>Dana<BR>

x has been gone 5 years, 1 week, 2 days. Sometimes it still hurts. I have to be careful when I talk to his mom - children's grandmother you know. She is my main trigger. (I see the whole mess differently from x's view - he's clueless that he had a part in the disaster. Frankly, I see his family as a potential goldmine for anyone who wanted to do group therapy on a semi-closed unit of people.) <P>Well, moving right along. I have to be careful sometimes. I have the right to change television and radio stations as the need arises. <P>Redecorating my house has been good for me. It's sort of like evicting him. Takes away the things he did around the house. Reclaims it for me. Had bedroom suite at my mothers that I had gotten as a teenager. Swapped the one in "our" bedroom for my old one and that was good too. I've even discovered places where you can buy wallpaper for really cheap. $10 for wallpaper for a bathroom or hall is cheaper than therapy. But the small jobs are done now. Living room, dining room and den. Need some new curtains. It's not going to be cheap from here on out.<P>Time really helps a lot of my injuries though. By the way, I don't usually keep track of how long it's been since one of the big events took place. It's just that he left at the end of July - 3 days after my birthday.<P>We got married on Valentine's day. Need I tell you what is my least favorite day of the year? Nah - I think I dislike Dec.11 more - his birthday.

Good suggestions Dana and Cinderella! I will drive around in silence and keep that stupid TV off. As to the movies, I will just not go to any because everyone of them now involves an affair somewhere along the way. Geez, what has this world come too. Seriously though, I agree these are just emotional triggers that I will be dealing with for quite sometime now or forever. <P>I will keep the Faith.<P>Great ideas regarding redecorating. I actually am selling my house so that is a good thing. Start anew somewhere else.<P>Take Care Everyone!

I just try to have faith! I am in the middle of possible divorce now and my wife is indicating a desire to not work on the marriage!<P>I feel out of control! Lots of pain, I talk to many people on a daily basis and sometimes it helps. I also pray continually!!!<P>I know what you are going through because I am there with you!<P>Hang in there!!!!!<P>

Omaha: <P>You hang in there too! Thanks for the encouraging words. It does help me so much that I can come to this site in tears and feel better afterwards because of all the support I receive here. And from complete stangers. Of course, I feel I know so many of you already. Isn't cyperspace great!<P>I hope things work out for you soon. I'll pray for you.