My husband and I have been separated for 7 months now. We have been married for 2 years and 3 months. He left me a year and 7 months into our marriage. He wants a divorce. I hope I can save my marriage. We dated almost 8 years before we got married. We went through counselling for 8 months. He doesn't want to see another counsellor because he feels she couldn't help us. He says we don't communicate well and are incompatible. Before we separated he would lock himslf in our spare bedroom. I couldn't communicate with him. He now lives with his parents and I live on my own now. He works long hours, and is unhappy at work. He doesn't talk to anyone about our relationship. When he comes home from work he goes into his room. He is on the computer a lot. In the past he would cry when we got together. I couldn't talk to him long because he would start to cry. I couldn't see him for very long because he would start to feel uncomfortable around me. We now talk on the internet and we talk on the phone sometimes. He doesn't feel we can get back together. He use to be verbally abusive and contolling in our relationship. I can use some support and advice. I only hope I can do the same for whoever is on this site.

Welcome <B>FreeSpirit</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Even if your H won't get into counseling...<BR>...consider it yourself. I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>You can't make your H do anything he doesn't want to do...<BR>...but the general idea as presented here is to start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>It is unclear to me as to whether there is an infidelity in your situation...<BR>...if you think that is a possiblity...<BR>...check out... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000480.html" TARGET=_blank>"Snoop Tricks for Betrayed Spouses"</A>...<BR>...and if you think there is some form of an affair... get the book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P>In all cases start on Plan A.<BR>...sometimes when you are separated from your spouse we call it a "long distance" Plan A. It is hard... but doable... via phone/e-mail/limited contact!<P>Prayers...<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited August 08, 2000).]

Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it. We have been through counselling during our marriage for 8 months. He doesn't want to try another counsellor. I am still not giving up yet. I did speak to Steve. I have my next appointment with him tomorrow. He is an excellent counsellor. I read through the basic concepts and went through this site. It is an excellent web site. I will also tell Steve what books should I read. How is your situation going. If you need a friend or some advice I am here for you.

Good luck with Steve...<P>...when you get back..<BR>...post what you've learned...<P>You'll be surprised at home much interest there is in those kinds of posts...<P> <P>I wish I could say I'm OK...<BR>...problems now that my stepson's Biological Father is in the piocture...<P>...not problems with my son.. or his BF...<BR>...but with my W in her brainwashing my son...<P>Oh well...<BR>... I'm on a vacation until the weekend...<P> <P>Jim

Just to keep you all posted. I have talked to Steve. I had two counselling sessions with him so far. I am hoping that my husband will talk to him. I am hoping that Steve can counsel us together. I can use your prays. As I mentioned to you before my husband wants a divorce. He wants to file. We have a little over 5 months before the divorce gets finalized. I hope that God can intervene and save this marriage.

{{{{{FREE SPIRIT}}}}<P>Welcome to the MB board. You will find a lot of support and even make some new friends here.<P>Your story is somewhat similar to mine. I was with my ex a good 8 years before we were married, 2 years after we were married he left. He left on Xmas. We too went to counseling and he said we are incompatible and don't communicate well.<P>We always communicated til he failed to communicate the fact he was having an affair and also an OW will transform into whatever she need to be, when she is after your husband.<P>It soundsl ike you h, is severly depressed?? I wasn't able to read all the replies to you yet, so this may have been asked, do you feel there is another woman involved?? <P>Read the MB principles and learn about Plan A and love busting and you might be able to fix your marriage still.<P>Don't give up hope and be strong.<BR>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Thanks for your reponse Dana. It seems like we have a similar situation. I hope that things will get better for you. I will keep you in my prays too. I don't know if he is seeing someone else. He says he hasn't been. Who knows if he is telling me the truth. I do believe that he can have a depression problem too. I can only pray that God will help us out now. I have to leave it up to his hands.

Keep your spirits up.<BR>It isn't always easy.<BR>If Jim is right about a possibly affair then i would suspect that would explain his crying and insistance on the finalization.<BR>He is feeling guilty. Either way he needs help.<BR>PLEASE don't get too wrapped up in his PROBLEMS Just worry about you and learning what you can. The only things that you can control is your life responses. So take a deep breath several times a day and remember right now god is carrying you!