Mic, my turn to throw in my tuppence worth. One of the very small things that happened during the detioration of my relationship was that I would go to bed and my husband would stay up. He was already spending a lot of time on the Internet doing research relating to his career. The computer is in full view of anyone sitting in the living room so I know what he was doing. However, once I got back up out of bed and he had pictures of calendars of women up on the screen. Grant it he wasn't looking at porn, but the fact that he was even looking at websites with beautiful women upset me, moreso I think because I caught him off guard and he tried to hide it and was embarrassed. Also, I am a beautiful woman, large on top, small on the bottom, perfectly shaped skull, to quote my husband and am smart to boot, with a great personality. (I'm not very sure of myself if you can believe that after what I have just said!)so I couldn't understand why he would need to go elsewhere even on that level. I was also disgusted as I thought it was just so pathetic. Another time I went away for a day and arrived home very late. I had called for him to pick me up and the line was busy so I made my own way home. I walked to the door and could see him on the computer looking at the same pictures. I walked in and again he was caught off guard. I was really hurt and the main thoughts were, how long has he been doing this, has it been years? It was the deceipt. He assured me that it was something that had started of late. I was never around, always working and I suppose..... I wouldn't mind but the photos were very tasteful and I would not have minded looking at them with him. Don't get me wrong, I'm not interested in women nor am I experimental in any way like that. I told myself that the main thing is that they are on a screen and I am in reality. <p>That beings me to my point, Mic, if it is an affair on the Net, is it really an affair? On some level, depending on what they are talking about, yes I suppose it is, but at least there is not physical contact. There is deception of course as your post indicates.<p>I have mentioned it to my husband and he is not online at all now for the first time in years and says he doesn't miss it. If I am lucky to get him back, I am totally prepared to get the Internet out of our house. Not necessarily due to lack of trust or my own insecurity (which actually does play a role in ones attitude to this sort of thing), but he had been almost addicted to it in general when I was here and when I was not.<p>Would you ask her about suspending service for a while? I know that doesn't do anything regarding the availability to her at work, but that would have to be a trust situation. Did you ask her what the chatline partner does for her or gives her that you can't give? Does he/she fullfil a fantasy? If so can't you role play the fantasy? What can you do to fill those voids that the net provides? The Internet can be very destructive so the phrase Divorce and the Net!!!<p>Good luck to you, I hope you can take some of your own advice that you were kind enough to impart to me. As you said, keep the lines of communication open and keep chipping away.<p>Take care and keep your spirits up.<p>Fionn
