Unscientific poll,<P>What are the benefits of joining a divorce support group? I'm not inclined to join<BR>after having this board available, to answer problems.<P>Does one go to find a new mate? not necessarily a good place, a room filled with <BR>the potential for rebound relationships.<P>So not something I am comtemplating, but wondering if I have a poor view of a divorce support group.<P>thl<BR>

I did not know about this forum when I was going throught my divorce. I did go to a divorce recovery/support group and it was quite helpful. There was a different topic each week that someone spoke about and we were divided into two grps--those just beginning divorce and those who were already divorced. Dating between members was discouraged, although there were several group activities. It was quite helpful at the time just like this forum is--it basically shows there are plenty of others going through the same thing and you are not alone.e

I've had clients report good experiences with such groups. Never in a million years would I have considered going myself, but then I was the leaver, not the leavee. Even the client who found it the most helpful quit after three months or so because everyone started to sound so pathetic to him. The group hadn't changed much, he had simply grown beyond the need.<P>wiftt: You are way beyond the need. Unless you need specific support in an area of handling visitation issues or some such thing you probably are beyond these boards pretty much as well. At least as far as handling this relationship goes. You do give great advice though, so don't quit until bored to death. We'll miss you when you go.

The thereputic value of on Divorcee' helping another.

Hi<P>It was the third group I tried that helped me. And I helped them too. Hey, look around, you may find one you like.<P>For me, I started looking shortly after I separated - I was a mess - all were faith-based - one was a bunch of women feeling sorry for themselves, one was a group of manbashers, but the third was a nice mix. You need the male and female influence, and the varying stages of recovery. IMO, that is what makes a healthy support group. <P>We got lots of pointers from one another, even little legal things since we were all in the same state. Mostly, it was a place for me to get out once a week with adults, who understood why I still wanted my husband back, and didn't get bored with the "obsession" divorce causes - where I could let my hair down, and say anything. Also, the videos helped to explain the various common stages, etc. I learned that my experiences and feelings were not uncommon, or odd. And I had warnings about feelings I could expect. Even more cathartic than this forum, with the vis-a-vis contact.<P>It also gives you an objective comparison, to how you are compare with others on the "divorce scale" - you really get to know these people - at times you feel lucky, at other times you don't - gave me a healthy perspective, cut short any self-pity I could have wallowed in when I saw how much tougher some others had it. It made me count my blessings, rather than dwell on the pain. There was one woman, who was a stay at home mom with a real stinker of a husband. Lost everything. She got about $100 a week from all of us for a long time to help tide her over a very rough financial stretch. The support you get takes many forms.<P>I found a good one, so would highly recommend it. I went for about 2 years - members would come and go, come back if they were having a down week, it was very casual, almost social. And for you, I might add, I think your perspective could help alot of people - and generally speaking, there are more women than men in these groups. Most likely you would be viewed like the men in mine were - expect lots of adoring oohs and ahs "why couldn't my husband have been like you" and also very sincere questions about a man's insight. <BR> <P>

thl,<BR>I had a real good experience with the church based one I attended. It helped with explaining all the emotions and the back sliding into these emotions that I felt and am feeling. It was also a very good place for me to start socializing, just getting out with people, different people who could understand where I was coming from.<P>bob