Just wondering...how long has your ex/stbx has been with op? <P>My ex will hit the 1 year mark next week. I really thought it would be over by now!

Just past the five month mark. I see some hope. See "I put myself back on the roller coaster-Update of sorts" on the GQ board.<P>I agree with the Grateful Dead, "What a Long, Strange Trip it's Been!".

I'm told the affair started in about October of last year, so it's been going on for 10 months. More power to them! LOL<P>Mitzi

AS far as I know the OW and my ex are still sneaking around, due to her still being married.. the D date was Oct 17th 98.. (but I know the EA started way before that, like june of 98) and after he left, Nov 27th 98, (thanks giving day) I knew the PA would start.. he justifies his PA, because he had already left me.. so as he sees it, he did nothing wrong before leaving... <P>To this date.. we don`t talk at all.. ever! his choice not mine.. I have tried in notes, to get him to try and be civil with each other, for our daughters sake, but he is just a stubborn old goat.. I have no idea why, after all this time has past, he conitnues to be this way.. <P>so in essence, it is one yr and 10 mths since he left.. and the divorce is right around the corner.. papers are being drawn up, and we just have to sign them and send them into court.. done deal.. <P>the sad part is I still love this man, even though he has torn my heart out, and I can never forgive him for doing this to me or our daughter... and what was our family..<P>I am a firm beleiver in the fact! that there is nothing so horrible that two people can`t work out.. sad he and so many can`t see that..<P>AV<P>

The emails started about three yrs ago now. But I have heard that after we split up, and her X split up, she found someone else and told my X it was over, about 2 months ago. So, slightly over two yrs.<P>------------------<BR>Susan

They met in Jul/Aug 98, affair started shortly after and have been (totally) together since Feb 99.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

My husband was with her 18 months before she moved on to ... boys her own age... <P>EX husband! Ex husband. I hate when I do that, but I still do.<p>[This message has been edited by honey.west (edited August 16, 2000).]

I had an affair. When confessed to my ex he had a revenge affair two weeks later. I've known the om for about 7 yrs. Started affair about 5 1/2 yrs. ago, been married to/living with him for about 3 1/2 yrs. now. My ex is still living with his revenge affair girlfriend for about 4-4 1/2 yrs. now.

The day they slept together was about May 15, 1999. I am not sure how long prior to that the EA was going on although I think she tested me in early March with special nite out. I guess I flunked.<P>She and the anti-bob have been living together since July 2, 1999, except for about a month when he dumped her and then she took him back. I'm not sure what day he moved back in with her.<p>[This message has been edited by RWD (edited August 16, 2000).]

Unfortunately I've got you all beat. Affair started in 1996, this month. At least that's when I found out about it. I had suspected something was going on for about two months previous to discovery.<P>Also, unfortunately, I believed him every time he wanted to move back home that their affair was over. It wasn't and as far as I know it still isn't. Even though he found her naked with another man. I believe that they have never stopped communicating with each other - only one of the reasons that our marriage couldn't even begin to come back. <P>How many of you took your spouses back and then found out the affair was still going on? And, how long did you wait to start divorce proceedings?

H (now EX-H) met OW August 1996. Started affair late September 1996. Told me he wanted out of our marriage three days after Christmas, 1996. Moved out of our home January, 1997. Obviously was not sure for a long time if he was ready to commit to her - kept stalling our settlement. He finalized our divorce April 1999. Married OW September, 1999. Coming up on their one-year married anniversary. We'll see..... (if it lasts or not).

RCoaster,<BR>My x caught her om cheating on her with his wife, imagine that! So I took her back. That lasted about 5 hrs. In that time, she tookback everything she had told me and told me I misunderstood. <P>Then in Oct of last yr. om dumped her because his w gave him an ultimatium about taking my then w on cruise. He moved out of their apt taking most of everything he had brought. <P>I attempted reconciliation again but was cautious and didn't ask her to move back. She was attnetive to me for a week and then she withdrew and I found out on my birthday she was seeing him again. I went to lawyer the next day and restarted the divorce papers she had started in Sept.

RWD, sorry that you're having to go through this too. Yuck. At least you sound like you played it smarter than I did. I feel that I've wasted so much time and effort for nothing except for finally knowing that my marriage to H will never work anymore. I don't like giving up. I guess I feel like I'm being a quitter. I know, he was really the one that quit but still.........<P>I don't really think he'll marry her - mostly because of how his family feels about her. But, stranger things have happened. <P>Four years is too long. I hope someone else reads this and doesn't make all the mistakes I have when it comes to trust.<P>

Well, according to my ex, there was no affair, he left on xmas and was with her for the first time shortly after. That would mean a physical affair for 8 months now, and an emotional probably a good 10 at least.<P>I suspect the physical aspect was at least October 1999. Who in the heck goes away for the anniversary OUT OF TOWN, romantic hotel, and DOESN"T want sex/?????? <P>A few weeks ago, he indicated he wanted me to be open to us getting together again. When I refused, and refused his offer for lifelong sex from him (Please! I'm gonna puke), he has resorted to being nasty and bitter towards me again.<P>Oh well, live and learn.

Well, it sounds like my x had the shortest affair. Supposedly, he left me before it became physical and it ended 2 months later. He is 39 and she was under 25 (I don't know how much younger). I'm not sure how long the EA was, but he met her at work and had only been working there for 6 months. She is no longer working there. I tried to find out what happened and he just said it didn't work out. He put an end to it. He told me that when one day I was having a really bad day and jokingly said that I might just have to crash into the giant water tower with his company's logo on it so the two of them could find me out there. I wasn't serious in case anyone is worried. I actually had thought back in February that I might need to blow the darn thing up because I have to drive by it everyday on my way to and from work and it looms over the highway and actually is lit up at night like the moon. Now, it doesn't bother me that much. Sometimes, I even laugh when I see it because of some of the positives that have come out of this terrible situation.<P>But, it is still sad to think that a 13 yr marriage ended for a 2-6 month fling. Of course, I know that wasn't the real reason it ended, but still!!!!!!<P>So, that's my story.

34 months since H beginning of affair with 26 year old inefficient and inept (his words) secretary....Oct 97<BR>d-day jan 1999<BR>1st separation Feb 21-28 1999<BR>Seperation end March 1999<BR>H never stopped seeing ow....but usual lies that it was over......still "secret" from community.<BR>Support papers served to H by me in July 1999.<BR>H will not communicate with me about anything...only 3X at my instigation since then!!!<BR>Ow moved in with H in Feb 2000, after I won a major legal property motion and told all that the relationship had developed after we separated!!(his fantasy for social acceptance)<P>H has just bought a huge home for himself and ow very close to mine.<P>Kids are still messed up by this......<P>So it is 3 years and still going strong....sugar dad caricature and trophy bimbo....and she is smarter than him and will hang on for all he is worth financially

Well, let's see...<P> XH started working at a company in May? 1993.<P> Starts acting strange spring 1994. Gone for hours at a time, over-night... distant.<P> Relocates us some 30 miles farther away from work, to a strange town. Summer 1994.<P> He left in Aug 1994. Came back beginning of Nov. I had no idea where he had been. Did not suspect an affair. He had a problem with drugs. I figured that was what he had been up to.<P> Dec 1994 he left. Again. He was taking d on weekends. Daughter(2yo at the time) starts talking about "Amy." <P> April 1995, I finally confront him about "Amy." Turns out she's his gf. Well, well!<P> Our divorce was final in June of 1996.<P> XH married bimbo in Sept of 1998, a couple of months before she gave birth to their 2nd child.<P> To present I know for certain that they have been together for over 5 years. My understanding of it is she is heck on wheels. He thought he had it bad with *me*, lol! Ex-in-laws tell me everything. They don't want me to get back together with their son... they think that I can do better. They are right, of course. <P>~~Mynabird

Wow! Time has flown by! <P> I didn't realize that it has been so long, now! LOL! <P>~~Mynabird

My stbx met OW in Jan 1999. Their affair started in April or May of 1999. They are now living together and our divorce is almost final. 15 months of he!!. In some ways it seems like forever and in some ways I feel like it was just a couple of weeks ago. I still remember the good times with my stbx. We had a good life together. I guess it's been almost 2 years since we had a normal life. Weird.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

My H affair started 8/9/99 at 30 yr high school reunion, with BJ in rental car. It was "love" for them from then on!!LOL<BR>They have both destroyed their marriages and tore our family apart.<BR>But, they are now (I think) moving in together in Chicago where she teaches. My son and I are in Phoenix and trying to move on with our lives. Son is very depressed Dad has so heartlessly deserted him for his OW.<BR>Its amazing that it has already been a year of this hell!