My wife sent in paperwork for divorce and I thougt that everything was going well. What a shock to say the least.<P>I need some help here to deal with this, I am fifty eight years old and this is very hard on me. How do I start over at my age? I am not a bar person, where do I meet people? What do I need to know? Any help that you can provide would be great.<BR>Thank you<BR>Ted

Ted,<BR>Things are slow on the weekend around here. Others will be around shortly. In the meantime read up on the info listed in front of the forum. Above all avoid love busting and start on Plan A.<P>Don't make any rash decisions right now. There is a lot of time yet. My x went and saw a lawyer right after our first counseling session and canceled the second visit. <P>Nothing you see or hear will be unique to the people here on this forum.<P>Hang in there.<BR>I gotta run and get my kids.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

{{{tkb10000}}},<P>God know how much I hate divorce...<BR>...ask the people on the forum... they know that about me too!<P>But...<P>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P>Get as much inofrmation at the MH site as possible...<P>Contact an attorney...<BR>See how much "free" advice you can get first!<P>Don't push the divorce...<BR>...I've been able to hold back for 15 months...<BR>...but in 2 more... it will most likely be over.<P>Prayers my friend.<P> <P>Jim

Hi Ted:<P>Don't think about all that stuff right now. You don't necessarily NEED to find a wife replacement and at this point it would be a bad thing anyway. You need to resolve what you're going thru first. You may be able to still save your marriage as others have said. Divorces don't just happen that fast, so you may have a little time to try your best to show your wife you still want your marriage saved. Stay here and people will talk you thru it. We don't have all the answers necessarily, just an understanding of the pain and rollercoaster of emotions.<P>I will tell you tho, that my Dad is about 60-something and single. He loves being able to do whatever the heck he wants to do. He rides a motorcycle. He bought a motorhome and a boat. And he's NOT a rich guy, he's actually poor (money-wise). He has lots of "buddies" that he goes out to coffee with, etc. Single is his choice and I will tell you that he is "chased" a lot! Only problem is the chasees are sometimes married women and he really hates that. He is my most admired human being on the planet, and has done a lot to keep me strong now as I suffer. I don't know if you have kids, but whatever way this goes, try to handle it with dignity and they will admire you for it.<P><P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Thank you both for your kind words and support, it is really nice to know that you have freinds here to talk to. <P>Kathy, where does your dad hang out or started to when he became single? That is really what I need now as all the people that I know are married and go home after work and that leaves really no one to talk to. The evenings and weekends are very lonely for me.<BR>Thanks again <BR>Ted

Hiya Ted,<BR> Tough break, man.....Im real sorry to hear it. I think Kathy gave some great advice though....dont go off half cocked....oops, no pun intended!<BR>And remember, A little gray hair doesnt mean you're old......unless it's on your kids!<P>God bless....<P>Bill

Ted,<BR>what do you like to do for recreation? Do that and keep yourself busy. Try something new, thats probably the best way to meet people. Just start talking to people about what you are all doing at a particular time, whethers it walking, gardening, playing cards, sports, etc.<P>I have the same problem. All my friends are married family men too so they don't have free time to just run off and do things on a whim. I struggle too with lonliness but am learning new ways all the time to keep busy.<P>Just hang in there, your marriage isn't over yet.<P>God Bless <BR>Bob

Ted:<P>I, too am 58 years old and after being married 33-1/2 years, my wife/I divorced in March of this year.<P>Yes, there is life after divorce, the sun will shine again on you.<P>Trust the Lord to bring you through this time and to bring you the right mate when it's time.<P>[censored] from Texas

Hi Ted,<P>I'm afraid I won't be able to help you much on that. My dad has always had buddies. Just the kind of guy he is. Some of them are from work, some are relatives (like brothers, brothers-in-law, ex-brothers-in-law, etc). He used to be in construction so has a lot of contacts that way. My dad is a Christian man, 50's greaser, likes bikes, fixes up old cars. He just does the things he likes like Bob said. Maybe for you it's golf? Hey! What about remote control airplanes? My kids and I went to an air show last weekend and had a blast. They've got clubs for most hobbies. Be a boyscout leader!? Whatever it is, keep your eyes on the paper and see what kind of community events are going on related to it and then when you go there will be a whole lot of other people there interested in the same thing and it'll be easy to strike up a conversation (but you gotta watch for the country club golf bimbos that just hang out there hoping to catch a rich one!).<P>The hard part is getting yourself OUT THERE, but once you do I hope you'll see life is still good and not over. BUT it is my hope your marriage can still be saved. Maybe you can find something interesting to get her involved in with you - something new for you both to experience together. I hope so.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Thanks much for your support, I will back off as said and see what happens. Will keep you posted.<BR>Ted<p>[This message has been edited by tkb10000 (edited August 22, 2000).]