For those of us who have ventured into dating now, is anyone having any problems with trust?

711,<BR>I haven't had any trust issuses with anyone except my x. I don't believe her even if she would tell me the sky is blue.<P>I guess I trust people until they show me they aren't trustworthy. I think now I would immedialetly dump anyone I found untrustworthy.<P>Bob

Hey Jen,<P>I can say even tho I haven't really started the "Dating" thing......I don't worry to much about having trust in the man.<P>I do believe in what Bob has said.<BR>"Trust people until they show me they aren't trustworthy."<P>Jen,the problem that I have is actually trusting in my self!.......when we get into the Harley principles and "Needs".....I only really have one!(when that need is met,I am the happiest camper around.)<P>I worry about my self and my judgement.....<BR>(I question my self just bc my need is being met am I being objective and looking at things w/open eyes!)<P>It is so hard.......sometimes I think oh,the heck w/you men,I don't need ya.......it isn't worth all the problems that go w/it!<P>Have you felt that way?<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Thanks Bob: Well said.<P>Gina: I think you are right about self doubt. I used to be so trusting and then I got burned by my x. Right after I found out about his affair, I wondered how I could ever trust someone again. I knew we were having problems but I never thought my x would have an affair. I was blindsighted. Now I question my judgment. I don't want to be naive. So now, if something doesn't go exactly as planned, I worry way too much about it. But, I found it helpful to talk through these feelings and I am now much more at ease. I hope with time, I will regain my self confidence. Right now, I am in a situation, where I really feel that the man I am with is sincere and trustworthy but that's how I felt about my x. I just don't know if I will ever be able to fully trust someone again. I think I will always have some doubt in the back of my mind from now on. No matter how great the person appears.<P>Do the positives of a new relationship outweigh the negatives? I hope so. It is never going to be an easy road, but I think it is certainly worth the journey again.<P><BR>

I can answer that 2 ways.<P>The first relationship after the divorce, I went into it thinking, this is not my ex, and he has done nothing wrong to me. I'll give him trust until he gives me reason not to trust him.<P>I never had trouble trusting him at all. I think he may have not trusted me at times.<P>The relationship I'm in now, deep down, sure I do trust him. But I am going at it, that you have to also earn my trust because I've been thru enough this year to allow myself to be that vulnerable right off the bat.<P>Trust is such a hard thing. No matter how hard you try, it won't come easy after being betrayed. And the harder you try, the more you doubt yourself.<P>Although, don't forget the warning signs that you may have ignored the first time around, and realize that those signs are very similar every time .<BR>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Do the positives outweigh the negatives in a new relationship??<P>I haven't had any negatives in this recent one, and in my case, its hard to ignore the negatives, because their little flags that start going up and if there are too many, you want to walk away.<P>I agree with Gina, sometimes you wonder if its worth it. But truth is, any relationship will be work. We can't keep falling back that we had a bad , ok, extremely HORRIBLE experience. <P>I've been on the other end too and its no fun to be "NOT TRUSTED" because someone else cheated on them too.<P>Think of the love bank. Right now, its easy for you to have more positives for a while.<P>Dana<BR>

Thanks Dana:<P>I think I need to go read some of the love bank info. That's a great idea.<P>