The last time I wrote in, my w of 10 3/4 years had asked for divorce. I did not want it but was somewhat relieved to finally have a direction to go in. 3 days later, she calls crying wanting to talk and get things off her chest. We met, aired it out, had a good time, then a REAL GOOD TIME, and she left to go back to her parents. She says she really does not want a divorce. She wants us to DATE and take it slow. Wants us to find ourselves again. Says what has been missing for so long is our having fun together. Well, OK sounds good to me. BUT, I am struggling with the dating. When I am with her, I can only think of wanting her home. Why can't we fix things together at home. She flatly refuses to return until she knows we can be happy together and not have to separate again. Her plan has merit, but it is driving me literally crazy. How can I go each day a nervous wreck wondering?<BR>I am tempted each day to give up and put my finger down. Have not filed papers yet but am tempted. I just don't see how I can date her, be myself when I am only pretending. It hurts too bad to see her then have her leave. She has spent 3 nights at home this week only to get up and leave the next day. How can I keep my sanity. Would it not be better to stop this nonsense telling her when she wants me and this marriage, come home. Otherwise, I am moving on. Your opinions please.<BR>LHC2

You're getting a chance.<P>We did the dating, some nights home, some not. I think the uncertainty makes it a little more difficult. How about setting a 2 week time limit (or any amount of time that feels comfortable to you) where you will date and will not spend the night together, or have sex? That way, neither of you expect OR wonder if you will.<P>What is it you are pretending? Aren't you having a good time? The mindset I put myself in was "living the moment". It wasn't perfect, but it did give us a chance to spend some time together that wasn't fraught with pain.<P>Concentrate on Plan A behaviors and no lovebusters.<P>I visit the D/D forum, because I belonged here for a couple months this spring, I had "had it" and served papers. We are now together and things are going well. It wasn't the short route, so far the journey has taken nearly 2 1/2 years, but those 2 1/2 years would have gone by in some way anyway and my marriage is worth it.<P>We also separated 7 times during that time...the pain, betrayal & disappointment/despair of repeated separations don't help anything, so what your W is saying about being sure has some merit, even though I would also say more & better repair happens when you both want the marriage and are dwelling in the same house, even better, the same bed.<P>I wish you the best.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10