I have written a lot of posts about my problems but I really should somewhat set the record straight .<p>It has been brought to my attention that throughout my posts, I have painted the picture of "I am perfect, she is not". Well, while we do have our problems, I am still with my wife and love her so dearly because ther ARE lots of things she does for me to fill my love bank. First, sexual fullfilment is very high on my emotional needs list and occasionally when we do engage in sexual activity, she does work at making me happy. There are lots of tings she does for me in the bedroom that I am sure not very many other women would be as happy and comfortable doing. <br>She does them for 2 reasons, first and foremost, to please me. Secondly, she does them because they bring her pleasure too (I am not going into details, we gotta keep our secrets now don't we ).<p>More often than not she does them for her primary reason which kind of upsets me because I feel sex should be equally enjoyable, I don't feel she should do something just to please me if she is going to be uncomfortable doing it at the time.<p>She is a wonderful wife, a lot of times she will put my feelings and needs infront of her own. She doesn't nag at me (all that often), if i am sitting at my computer then she will not bother me unless it is important (something many guys would like their wives to do while they are watching sports. I am not a sports fan so she likes that about me, I won't have a beer and chips next to me while I am screaming at the TV wearing only my underwear ).<p>When there doesn't seem to be any major problems with our marriage then there is no way ANY man could ask for a better wife. She is considerate, caring, loving and very giving.<p>She doesn't have an outside job so we made a deal (that she initiated) that she will work the home. by that I mean that she will do the housework, bathe and feed the children, and cook. She does work hard at maintaining the house (although many times it is still dirty when I come home from work, but I don't push that becasue I can see she is putting in the effort)<br>The responsibility taking care of the children (age 3 and 1), she does quite well. I work a swing shift and often put in 12+ hours a night so I am usually asleep most of the day, I cannot be there to take care of the children. When I am asleep then she will put in a good effort to keep the children quiet so I can rest. <br>While I have been stationed here in Korea, We have been in contact almost on a daily basis. She keeps me updated on current events and I am comfortable in her abilities to perform any task involving the house and family.<p>I need to state that I come to this forum to seek advice from people with similar problems to my own.<br>While yes I do write one side of the issue, I feel that the one side is all I have, I can't speak for my wife so I don't know how SHE feels inside about these things. I can only address how I feel when she does this or that and how she comes accross to me.<p>I love her dearly but there are sometimes when talking things out with my wife isn't enough, we are usually left with more problems and negatice emotions, so I am using this forum do get some help in solving those issues.<p>I am in no way trying to say that my wife is a prude or that she is trying to sabotage our marriage for some twisted reason. My posts may sound that way but I don't feel there would be any advantage in writing a post like "Nothing wrong here, we are fantastic, everything is fine".<p>If I have hurt my wife or anyother person by sending the message that I feel she is a bad person then I am truly sorry. Deep inside, my wife is a wonderful person and very often I feel good inside that she chose me to spend the rest of her life with. I truly do consider myself a very lucky man.<p>I hope my wife reads this post and replies to it so maybe you all can get her opinions and thoughts.<br>If she does then I want to say to her:<p>My wife, my love, my dearest. I truly Love you and I miss you terribly. Being apart is so painful It almost hurts to breath. it is hard to go to sleep at night because I don't have you next to me so I can kiss you goodnight. I miss your "sleepy kisses" and watching you sleep. you look so peaceful and happy. I wish I could make you as happy when you are awake as you look asleep. I miss holding you at night and feel you breath next to me. I hope that our problems can be resolved as all I want is to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life. If you want to truly know how I feel when I lay next to you at night then listen to the song "I don't want to miss a thing" by Aerosmith. It is kind of corny to use a song for my own words but listen and you will understand.<br>The hardest part is to wake up here and see that you are not there next to me. It hits hard that we are still so far away from each other, both in time and distance (8000 miles and 8 months). Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep at night because I know that when I open my eyes in the morning I will see you are not there and it makes it harder to go on.These next 8 months are going to be so hard without you.<br>I can't wait for the day when you are in my arms again. <br>I love you.<p>Mark <br><p>[This message has been edited by Mark (edited 11-23-98).]

OK, No one (including my wife) has replied to my post so I guess I am going to have to do it myself <br>

You are one sick dude man!<br>How dare you come to this forum and prey on the heart strings of these innocent people when all along you have a loving, faithful wife at home waiting for you!!!!<p>You are not worth her time and effort. If i was her then i would dump you quickly and move on. <br>You dont deserve her scumbag!<br>

Oh, don't listen to him, He probably doesnt even know what a relationship is.<br>You ARE lucky to have a wife that takes care of the home as much as you say she does but I am sure by your letter to her that you are a loving and caring husband.<br>You seem to be made for each other

YOU SAP! Be a REAL man!<br>That letter to your wife is enough to make anyone puke!<br>Get a Life!!

It was a nice and sweet letter, I wish I had a spouse that would write me love letters and post them for the whole world to see.<p>I wonder why your wife hasn't replied to your post yet?<br>It would be nice if every marriage had a wife that is as giving as your wife AND a husband that is as thoughtfull as you to post such a nice redemtion for your wife.<br>Keep filling that love bank both of you and I am sure you will be a geat couple <br>(if not, you can always look me up

I can always look you up?!!?!?<p>HEY! Sex for 1, now there's a thought

I can sense the conflict within yourself.<br>You need help NOW!

Hey, I have that Aerosmith song "Don't want to miss a thing". It is a really nice song.<br>I thought I was the only one who liked to lay in bed and watch their spouse sleep. The whole kissing their eyes? Oh boy, like I said, I thought I was alone there too <br>Great minds really do think alike huh?<br>

Sometimes I think everyone needs to be able to laugh at themselves..... In this case, Everyone is laughing at you. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!<br>Don't you feel small now!

Must...Fight.....Schizophrenia.....taking....over.....<br>Can't......loose......grip.....<br>Get......back.....all.....of.....you....<p>OK, this is starting to get a little boring.....<br>Anyone else want to jump in here?<p>I have 30 hours of internet time left and only 5 days to use them in. I can keep going if you want me to <p>By the way, can you tell I am lonely? <br>What was your first clue?<p>Mark

Mark:<p>Hey bud, it must be the middle of the night in Korea now. I hope you and your other 'personalities' are getting some much-needed zzz-time! You were goin' kinda squirrelly on us!<p>Sleep, and have sweet dreams about your sweet wife!

Mark<br>Let me get this out of the way... hahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh! I really needed one!I was wondering if you were an immitation of MY life! Too bad it's gotta be about this sorry situation. Take care<br>chance

Mark,<p>We all here recognize that there are two sides to every story. I do wish that my H would fight for our marriage as much as others here seem to be doing. What can one say to such a post though. I'm not going to tell you that you are an idiot for not being ok with how things are. Having a bad marriage does not always mean that both people are bad. My H is a great father and a pretty good person to other people. There is just a friction between us that is making this difficult. I have to tell him all the time that just because we are having problems does not make him a bad person. He thinks the two are intertwined. Maybe your wife would like to hear this. That just because there are problems she is still a good person. I know you have posted here. How often do you tell her. I here from others all the time that my H loves me and worships the ground I walk on. I've yet to hear it from his own lips or even see it in writing. Nine years and waiting. Maybe it's easier to tell others. I don't know. I wish you luck in your situation and include you in my prayers. <p>Steph

I thought I was goofy! Great laugh though! I don't think you really needed to set your record straight, though. Most of us who are part of this forum are here because we care about our marriages. So, obviously, so do you. I wish my husband cared as much. So, men really think their wives are sexy after having children? Hmmmmm. My husband has never said that. Interesting. Take care and get some sleep before you're diagnosed as schitzo!!!! (p.s. How do you make those "smiley" faces?)<p>KS

Ooh! I know the answer to this!!!<p>You type the characters : and ) with no spaces in between or you can do the wink smiley with the characters ; and ) with no spaces in between or you can do a frown face with the characters : and ( with no spaces in between <p>This one doesn't come out like a smiley of any kind, but it is one of my favorites <br>or :-/<p>terri

WOW! Look at all these replies <p>Somebody loves me (sniff).<p>Doug: Yes it is late at night when I make a lot of my posts. I am 15 hours ahead of this forum and since I get up at 0430 to go to work and I made the last post at 2322, I would have gotten 5 hours sleep that night (that is if I had gone to bed but I had a lot of projects to finish and things to get ready for work so I stayed up) 5 hours is actually a decent night's sleep for me The time right now is 0152 so I guess no sleep for me tonight either huh? Well that is part of the price to pay for serving our country, I still have to go to work AFTER thanksgiving <p>Oh yeah, Happy thanksgiving everybody. Be thankful for what your spouses DO do for you (even if it is only on those rare occasions).<p>Chance: Glad I could lighten your day somewhat.<p>Steph: Yes I do often tell my wife how much she means to me and I write her letters often (you know how long my posts are here....Nothing compared to the books I write to her). Although I am not a religious man, thankyou for your prayers (we need all the divine intervention we can get )<p>KS: Thinking wive's are sexy after kids?????<br>You haven't seen MY wife <br>Have you ever known what it is like to quiver just at the sight of someone?<br>36/29/36, long brunette hair, green eye's, 5'5, 135lbs can't be all that bad. (well, she used to have long hair until she cut it all off one day because she said she was mad at me, but it backfired, I liked her new short hair . She is growing it back though).<br>If that's not enough, you should see her smile <br>My wife is truly a knockout (believe me, I have the black eye to prove it. Just kidding [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img] ).<p>Terri: You forgot these:<p>:and o = embarrassment [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/blush.gif[/img]<br>: andD = big grin [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<p>Well, it is VERY late but I am wired, I think I will write some more pos..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ <p>[This message has been edited by Mark (edited 11-27-98).]

HEY! My post was all the way down on the list <br>I guess I had to do something about that eh!.<p>OK, there is a good reason why I am making this post, As you all know, I am stationed in Korea at least 8000 miles away from my wife and as of today, 239 days and a gear swing to go!!!!<p>Anyhoo, Recent events which have just transpired has left my love bank VERY much in the black <br>I aint givin' no hints but lets just say I am dizzy in love with my wife right now <p>What I am doing here is to ask for any advice of what I can say/do/get my wife to fill her love bank.<br>We don't have any money so big expensive gifts are out of the question, I try to be affectionate in my letters and when I talk to her but something inside me is telling me that I need to do more to show her my love and appreciation for her.<br>There is a big hole inside me that can only be filled with my darling wife knowing how much I love her, How can I fill that hole?<br>Any clues?<p>Thanks<br>Mark<p>Eeeewwww, I just read what I wrote.... yuk! <br>It's amazing what you will write when your subconcious takes over and you write what you are REALLY feeling. Oh well, everyone has a mushy side

do a search on romance or some word similar<br>last time i did that i chanced upon a list of 1000 romantic things to do for your spouse<br>like<br>do goofy things like write a love letter but cut it up as a jigsaw puzzle she has to put together<br>ring her and tell her you want her voice to be the last you hear before going to bed, then ring in the am and say you want her voice to be the first you here each day<br>say or write great things about her to someone she knows so she'll hear what you said from them (gotta love that!!)<br>send her something that shows youre crossing off the days till youll be together<br>hope they help

Have a merry Christmas in Korea. Why did you get such a long deployment??<p>Liked your schizo-posts. use X's ideas. I really liked the jigsaw puzzle one. AS I told someone earlier today, money can not possibly buy love or happiness -- just comfort from some stress.