IN MAY OF THIS YEAR MY HUSBAND AND I LOST TWO OF OUR SIX DAUGHTER IN A CAR ACCIDENT. ONE DAY HE JUST DECIDED THAT HE WAS LEAVING AN 11 YEAR RELATIONSHIP(MARRIED 8). I WAS BLINDSIDED TO SAY THE LEAST. WE HAD PLANS. WE HAD DREAMS FOR THE TWO OF US IN THE FUTURE. OUR GIRLS ARE ALMOST GROWN. I UNDERSTAND THE GRIEF THAT MY HUSBAND IS GOING THROUGH. I AM GOING THROUGH IT ALSO. BUT NOW I HAVE TO GRIEVE THE LOSS OF THE MAN I LOVE AS WELL. HE HAS REALLY DIVORCED HIS WHOLE LIFE. HIS FRIENDS DON'T SEE HIM AND HIS ANGER TWARD HIS FAMILY IS DAUNTING. HOW DO I ACCEPT HIS ANGER ABOUT AN UNCONTROLLABLE SITUATION AND STILL HAVE FAITH THAT THE LOVE WE HAVE SHARED ALL THESE YEARS WILL NOT ONLY BE PRESERVED BUT STRENGTHENED. I KNOW THAT HE LOVES ME AND THAT HE FEELS LIKE THERE IS NO REAL PURPOSE LEFT IN HIS LIFE. HOW DO I SHOW HIM THAT HE STILL HAS FOUR DAUGHTER AND A WIFE WHO NEED THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE THAT HAS BECOME THE STANDARD IN OUR LIFE?<P>------------------<BR>SEEK THE KINDOM...CAT.

Catfish...first let me offer my condolences. Losing a child, much less two, is devastating. I'm surprised you're sane. I suspect your H is reacting to his grief, shock, anger, etc. This reaction is not all that unusual. He needs help immediately. If he won't go to counseling, then I suggest you do. I know this feels unbearable right now. You have to feel completely overwhelmed by what has happened. My heart goes out to you. The best advice I can offer is...take good care of yourself. Eat right, try to get plenty of sleep, exercise. I know this sounds kind of stupid, but if you let yourself physical health go it will just make matters worse. I am so sorry for your pain. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I guess I'll have to settle for an e-hug. {{{{hugs}}}}<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Welcome <B>CATFISH8</B>...<P>I too, feel for you and the losses you have had. You are brave just to continue on....<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>While geared to situations of <B>infidelity</B>... it has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>I'm glad you want to still save your marriage....<P>The standard response is to start in on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<P>Read all you can on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... from this forum...<P>Counseling seems to be most needed here...<BR>...preferrably with both of you...<BR>...but if necessary... you alone.<P>Anger managment... always a hard situation to deal with... needs to be looked at <A HREF="http://www.anger-stress-marriage.com/" TARGET=_blank>Anger & Stress Management Communication Skills for Marriages and Relationships in Conflict</A>...<BR>...and... maybe one or more of these books...<OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0806509376" TARGET=_blank><B>Anger : How to Live With and Without It</B></A> by Albert Ellis <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1879237970" TARGET=_blank><B>Angry All the Time :</B> An Emergency Guide to Anger Control</A> by Ron Potter-Efron, Ronald T. Potter-Efron <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0800786467" TARGET=_blank><B>Getting the Best of Your Anger</B></A> by Les Carter <BR></OL><P>While there is no "infidelity" in your situation...<BR>...reach to attain knowledge and practice of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules for a Successful Marriage</A>...<BR>...(1st 2 <B>ARE</B> what Plan A is)....<BR>...and to understand in time <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>Prayers to you...<P>BTW: (try not to type in "all capital letters"... it is a sign of "yelling" or "screaming")<P> <P>Jim