One of my "issues" in this whole MLC thing, is that H's behaviour...with ow, towards his children, financially etc is fueled by the fact that the business people he works with have "accepted" his version and say nothing, his employees worship him, and his children have had no choice but to accept his behaviour. <BR>Silence and acceptance is therefore ENABLING and this has further enabled his behaviour as well as fueled his notion that he has caused no harm , it is all my 'fault".<P>Since I have no interest in talking to his business associates or his staff who all cut me off (their loss, not mine) and the children DO need a relationship with their father, there has been no-one to disabuse him of his "fantasy".<P>Our former friends have little to do with him...his choice for a year...but now he wants the respectability...who knows....<P>My question...in the fanatsy of life,is this acceptance enabling and further fuellings the flames of this Mid life Crisis?<P>While H is been "stroked" by the acceptance, (he is a major narcissist so this plays into it as well) will he ever understand what happened to his family and the role he played or will I be blamed to ensure that his justification for everything is valid??<P>

Wait a minute! As a WS who married the OM and was/is "excepted" he should not be feeling like it was all your fault and he is not to blame. The two of you are not divorced yet, is that correct? He hasn't lived the divorce life long enough to see what the disadvantages are. Just because it was "excepted" doesn't make it right. My parents/siblings and friends adore my second husband. His family is very affectionate towards me. My kids love him and their step siblings. We work very hard to instill values and morals to our children and we give our family 100% of ourselves. So, hey, we're excepted. BUT, how we got to this point was painful and it wasn't our ex's fault. If your husband has a conscious he can't feel good about it and deep down he can't be taking NO blame. If your a good mother and you were a good wife he knows it. Don't think for a minute he doesn't. Be proud of yourself for giving it all that you had/have.

Bonnie Sept:<BR>Thank you for your reply.<P>Even though we are not divorced as yet...and I wish it would hurry up...he is living the new life with ow ......<P>The problem is that he is a manipulative, snake who is toxic, especially around all the children. He justifies this mess, plays favourites with the kids in a way that he justifies to them, enabling them to be not responsible for some of their behaviour....since it is all my fault yayda yada yada.<P>Actually I denied him the opportunity of taking d (14 yo) away for labour day weekend.Sent him a letter, which both d and my therapist saw and felt I was fully justified and I outlined why I reached my decision. My lawyer was in full agreement (this is the first time in 18 months I took a stand re kids) The first thing H does is show it to 19 y o son, who then blames me!!!!!!<P>I do not get it.......does no-one ever have to be accountable in my family, responsible for their actions, except me??.<P>These lessons in life thast they are all now learning from H and ow and their new life sicken me, and there is nothing I can do..<P>

Willbok, I understand how you feel. My H is doing a similar thing, now that the PA is out of the bag and I screamed and yelled and he is filing for D.<P>I have dealt with everything. The kids emotions. The house etc. etc. etc.<P>He stayed away from everyone....staying in an unbelievable grandiose fantasy and "antimaterialistic" bond with OP.<P>Now, suddenly, she is wanting him to take her out in public. Wants him to "stand" by her and declare his love. He is visiting his family this weekend with the kids and I believe he is trying to do just that. The worst of his fog "grandiose fantasy" whehter it was obsessioon or guilt has lessened now that everyone in the family "knows"... so now he is trying to bridge the gap with them and everyone else, saying he's sorry he hurt us, and knows everyone is disappointed but hey....that's life...everyone will be fine.<P>Meanwhile, OP is still having her H run circles around her, taking care of the kids and house and she comes over at night and kisses him in front of the kids and goes to church as a family on Sunday!!! She wants to be "friends" with him.<P>I, like you, have been continually the bad guy. I can't win no matter what I do...and I still do not know what issues we had in our marraige, other than he works with the OP doing what they both love 10 hours a day almost 7 days a week and he saw his kids and me about 1-2 hours!!!!!! Even I can see the draw!!!! It's a very frustrating position to be in!