Hello,<BR>My mother was informed a couple of days ago that her h didn't love her and wanted a dissolution of marriage. Naturally, she is devastated. <P>My question is what can I do to help bring her out of this blur. She is crushed and went to the doctor for nerve pills. He gave her over a hundred with refills. Right now she is staying in a stupor and will not even get out of bed.<P>I have the pills and refuse to give her more than 1 or two at a time. Do these help her or depress her even more? This is her second marriage and like her last one there is a potential other woman or at least he has expressed a great desire to have another woman. <P>Even though I know she can't comprehend this MB site I have e-mailed her the bulk of the information. Any suggestions? Thanks Tess<BR><p>[This message has been edited by tessa (edited August 23, 2000).]

My suggestion is get her to therapy/counseling asap! Does she have a history of drug / alcohol abuse?<P>Get her therapy!

HurtinginOmaha,<BR>Thanks for your reply. She doesn't have a history of drug abuse but I still thought it was weird for her doctor to give her pills that have side effects that cause depression. She is depressed enough and those pills only serve to increase her sense of worthlessness. I suggested she see another doctor and see about anti-depressants.<P>She did get up and go to the dentist today. That's encouraging but it kills me seeing she is so down and upset. I live 4 hours from her and had to leave her. It's killing me knowing she's so upset.<P>

tessa..<P>I am not a religious person, my self.. but it is said that some bennifit from joining a church group.. do you think she would look into it, at least...?<P>I know just what your mom feels and is going through.. I have been there my self.. although I never went for any pills.. I just felt I had to do this with out meds..<P>All I can say, is call her alot.. and I mean alot.. let her know you are concerned and of course love her.. (and she already know that !!) but any one that low needs to hear from loved ones more then ever now.. <P>There is no way to express how painful this is.. and I wish I could have helped more.. having her read the MB material, will help.. there are also other sites..<P>Michelle Weiner has a book out called divorce busting.. it is a paper back book, and easy reading.. it does give you hope, even if you feel there is non.. it may list her spirits just to make the effort to *BELEIVE* in a chance.. <P>If she had a computer, and knew how to come to these boards, it would also inspire her as well.. perhaps looking into getting her a used computer and teach her to keep busy reading.... thats what I did, because I also did not want to leave the house.. I had no desire to live any more.. I lost my self in my own sorrows.. and it took me a long time to get this far.. and I still have a long way to go.. but I am still here and still trying to cope.. <P>lots of luck to you.. I know I would be proud to have a duahger like you who has taken a step of concern to help her mom.. that is ever so sweet.. and you are now her angel.. so just be there for her even if it is over the phone.. she *will* need you..<P>AV

AV,<BR>Thank you so much for your kind words. I am broken for her and can't stand her hurting. She is a strong person but has no idea that she is and has been such an inspiration to me.<P>What is it that makes a person blind to their own self-worth and will have them on their knees begging for someone to love them even if they are mean? This kind of hurt is so painful. I want to help her know she is wonderful and life will go on but nothing seems to help.

Just keep trying tessa.. never give up...<P>I have a shaky relationship with my dad for leaving my mom, and am now going through this divorce crap my self.. but it has been hard, since all these feelings have come back to haunt me.. it took me a long time to get past that hurt, and now I feel like I am starting all over again.. <P>I love my dad, but I hurt so bad also for my mom.. out of six kids.. all the others excepted his decietfulness, they felt they had no choice.. I couldn`t.. I was the one kid that gave my father the hardest time, because I was having the hardest time..<P>my point in telling you this, is I KNOW! how hard this is to watch your mom suffer.. I lived home watching my mom, suffering too.. and I couldn`t do athing to help her either.. I was not knowledgeable to what to do.. <P>it is a life time struggle for me, to date.. but he is my dad, and my mom made it through.. so will yours.. but it WILL TAKE TIME, and patients.. lots of patients.. and lots and lots of love and understanding... and you may have to bit your tongue and just sit back and be a good listener.. just let her vent.. be that earshe needs to lean on.. <P>she has now been rejected twice.. it must be twice as hard.. THAT IS A FEELING I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVER AGAIN.. and so I do feel so terrible for your mom.. <P>just keep calling her.. <P>{{{hugs}}} tessa...<P>take care...AV

Thank you. I wish you the best as well. Tess