I'm finding it more and more difficult to remain strong and positive at the moment.<br>2 days into a 5 week business trip which my H is on, I found out that he had an affair with a woman he had met on an earlier business trip in Canada. I found out that he had slept with her then, and again when she came to visit London.<br>He says that it is over, that he finished it with her because he felt something happening which would destroy any chance we would have of working things out.<br>I can forgive the 'encounter' they had in September, because things were at their worst between us. He says that after it happened he realised by the way he felt that he must still have feelings left for me, and he came back more positive and decided to rebuild our relationship. However this didn't stop him sleeping with her again in October.<br>I'm finding it really difficult to stop thinking about it. Not so much him and her together, but the way he treated me while it was going on.<br>He claimed that she was only someone to confide in, that she was helping him, and that if it wasn't for being able to speak to her, he would have given up on us ages ago. I would get upset whenever she called, but he would disappear into the study, and talk to her for more than an hour at a time. He would say I was being unreasonable.<br>I am trying to hang on to the positive feelings, but it is getting more difficult. <br>I know I should feel more positive, because he did choose to try and work things out with me instead of continuing with her. I think things like 'he must still have feelings for me if he has done this'. I also look back at the time we spent together just before he left. I had actually started to 'allow' myself to love him again, and I could tell he was responding to me (he confirmed this in one of our conversations after I found out). this time we spent together, which he agreed had been the most positive time we had since all this happened, also co-incided with him finishing with her.<br>I also look at the email correspondence we had before he left. In response to me saying that I believed that if we got back together our relationship would be more fulfilling and stronger than it ever would, he replied 'It is what I hope for'. Now knowing what I know, this should mean more to me. <br>But I keep concentrating on the hurt. Partly, this is because I can't talk to him about it. We have agreed not to talk about it until he gets back (in 2 weeks time). Maybe it is good that we apart during this time, so we don't tear each other apart, but it is difficult not to talk about it. We have managed to keep our conversations friendly, and also funny in the last week, but I'm finding it more difficult to keep going.<br>thanks for listening<br>Bev

It won't happen over night.....getting things strong again. Your going to have to stand strong. Get all of this out in the open as soon as you can with your husband. Thats really where to start. Hang in there...Stay Strong in the Lord!!!Let go and let God!!!!!!!!

Bev,<br>It's a long road ahead. It's been 4 months since I found out about my wife. You can expect a major rollercoaster ride for your marriage, and emotions.<br>My first suggestion is to get counseling. Joint if possible. If not, both of you will still need it.<br>It's good that you take responsibility for your part in the marriage problems. But, don't take responsibility for his affair. That was his decision. <br>Also, don't underestimate his reaction to this. There is a lot of guilt, pain, anguish that he will go through. I have found that a lot of it will be directed at you.<br>The other thing is that he should sever all contact with the OW completely. That is one thing that is pretty consistant on these boards. <br>And, like violet said, talk. Talk about the affair. Your relationship. Everything. Find out what he was missing, that made him look elsewhere.<br>Be careful of what you ask. You may get more than you asked for. I never asked for expicit details from my wife. So, my "mental images" were never as severe as some others have said. If you can handle it, ask. I didn't ask questions for a month. This gave me time to decide what I really wanted/needed to know. <br>Read a lot of the info on this site. Some if it I discarded as not applicable to me. A lot if it is helpful. <br>Also, there are a lot of us here to vent to. This board, and the infidelity board, have some great people with some insightful opinions.<br>The last thing is give this time. A lot of time. This is a major blow to your relationship. You will have to rebuild your trust and faith. It's hard. Don't get discouraged. The first step is that both of you WANT to work things out. <br>I wish you the best. Have a happy Thanksgiving.

Bev,<p>I just want to offer you support. Take care of yourself and find friends that make you feel good and happy about yourself. Know that we are all here for you. You are in my prayers. <p>Steph