I just received an e-mail from W and she informed me that all I have done for her this week has been great, but still wants to separate. I know that things are not going to change overnight, but she basically said thanks for everything and oh by the way get the h*ll out. She says that the letter I wrote her explaining how I have been killing our marriage and how I intend to change and meet her ENs was nice, but since I stated I would do all that is necessary to earn her love back and revive our marriage, I am just showing how I want to continue to control our marriage. I have no intention of controlling her life any longer, but I do not know how to state it to her without sounding controlling. If anyone can help me understand I surely would appreciate it. The last couple of days have been a high, especially since I felt like I was treating her with complete respect, trust, and not controlling at all. Now I feel like someone just kicked my heart out of my chest.

SS1313,<P>Patience my friend...<P>Check out <B>PTC</B> in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Plan A... is like planting seeds in spring...<BR>...harvest time is in the fall!<BR>...and sometimes it is bountiful... <BR>...and sometimes the yield is poor... <P>There are no guarantees in life!<P>But...<BR>Plan A is your best bet... better than not planting at all... ask any farmer!<P>Still...<BR>If she wants the separation...<BR>...make her do it!<BR>...<B>YOU STAY PUT</B>!!!<P>Did you give <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling</A> a shot yet?...<BR>...remember ...even if you have to do it yourself!<P> <P>Jim<BR>

She needs proof. She needs persistence. She needs reassurance. My H said the same things to me, then proceeded to do nothing. It was what I expected and wasn't going to be snowed by all his promises.<P>I was just like your W. I was not letting him come home and slouch around like the old days and have nothing change. I was dead set on a divorce. He could do all he wanted in the meantime to change my mind. If the divorce went through quickly, well he could always woo me back and remarry me with new vows and a new commitment. Maybe your wife shares my old mindset?<P>My H really had lots of opportunity to change, as far as my heart was concerned. All he needed to do was support me, love me, and show me that he was sincere about changing his adulterous ways and being a good husband. He didn't do that, and he's still gone.