Well he was mad about the protective order. He filed contempt charges and for a change of custody.<P>Brought up suicide attempt....for the 7th time in court papers. But now has added a new one.....making it 2 now.<P>Said that I need a complete pyscho. evaluation.......and if I follow all the programs set out in this evaluation.......he will think about giving girls back.<P>Mentions alienation again<P>Claims I am emotionally unstable.<P>Wants house and children back.<P>Says I am a danger to myself and the children.<P>Claims that I am not over the divorce and says that I am not moving on. So therefore I need time alone to get on with my life.<P>Brought up custody evaluation and GAL report stating he should have custody.<P><BR>ETC>>>>ETC>>>>>>><P>Thanks for letting me vent<P>Nancy<P>

Hi Nancy, I've been thinking about you while out of state on vacation. Wasn't able to get on computer to the boards. <P>One computer was at my in-laws, who know nothing about our whole mess and I didn't want to leave tracks in the computer.<P>Darn, I'm sorry the ex is doing all this. Are you in counseling for yourself? For support and also to demonstrate that you are not afraid of taking care of mental and emotional health.<P>Details, what does your lawyer (yes, I remember you didn't have hte best legal representation) but what's the lawyer's take on this? Advice?<P>Are you documenting all his contact with you and the girls for your own defense? <P>Write back.<P>

What are these people thinking. I am going throught the same thing now.<P>She also accuses me of things that never happened.<P>Says I am not over the divorce and I need to get on with my life.<P>Says that she is better for them. That children need a close relationship with their mother. That is true, at least, but they also need a close relationship with their father.<P>I am so sorry that you are going through this. Keep thinking of the kids and hopefully everything will be OK.<P>When is the hearing? Mine is coming up in two weeks. Same week as school starts.

Nancy,<BR>I am so sorry for your daughters and yourself for this ongoing terrible situation.<P><BR>Your X is the really the one who is not over what has happened and is projecting his rage, anger, disappointment onto you and trying to get all to believe that YOU are the one who is "insane' etc. Providing you can keep your cool and your head when all around are losing theirs, then justice might prevail. A cliche, but can you not get your daughters therapist to intervene? Can you get her to report on the situation as far as your daughters? <P>Can you use the hospital reports when d was injured , the tapes of the phone calls etc, etc????<P>You are a wonderful mother and your daughters are indeed lucky that they have one parent who is there for them and loves them unconditionally.<P>My stbx also threatened to get custody, threatened many things...but other than making life very difficult emotionally and financially, he does not act on these except to try to damage my relationship with the kids......and that alone I will never forgive him.<P>This is emotional warfare at its worst...and the losers ultimately are all the children involved....<P>I have no answers for you....except since he seems to act according to an established pattern of behaviour, you should try to proactively diffuse every "bomb"...easier said than done, as I have trouble here as one cannot cover every base.<P>As someone told me, it is like trying to stick one's finger into a dyke....<P> <P>

{{NANCY}}<P>I am sorry to hear about your change in custody pending. <P>I don't have the answers for you on this, except take very good care of yourself and don't give him any ammunition. Try to avoid contact with him as much as you can, and just be prepared to go stand up for yourself and the kids.<P>The judge will most likely be the same judge you've had in the past, they tend to keep the same judge for the case. Soon enough, he will lose credibility with the judge.<P>He has proven to be no safer as far as this order of protection as well as it sounds like he's doing this just to hurt you.<P>Prayers, and hugs, Dana<BR>

Nancy...<P>{{{{{Nancy}}}}}...<P>My prayers are for you...<P> <P>Jim

Thank you all,<P>I talked to the law clerk yesterday for over 4 hours. She called me from her house.<P>The great thing is that it didn't cost me a thing. She is doing this free of charge. She is so angry at my ex and seems to like me a lot and feels that he is the "mental" one.<P>My attorney is mad. He is sick and tired of all of this, but says it is not my fault.<P>The law clerk listened to the tapes I gave to the evaluator ( I gave my attorney a copy) and couldn't believe what she heard. Then listened to a tape that I had exclusively kept for contacting him about doctor appointments and school info. She was impressed with that tape. You see that is what exhole is claiming in his contempt charges........that I didn't make him aware of school stuff and doctor stuff.<P>Everything that he filed in the contempt part is covered through taped phone conversations or messages or letters faxed to his attorney from mine.<P>Most of the problem is that his attorney faxes something......then my attorney contacts me........gets the answers and faxes them back to her. But even though she gets the answers....she will fax the same stuff the next week and this goes on and on.<P>I have a good attorney........but he is only human too, and knew this was going to happen. So getting me custody right off the bat, even though I gave up alot.......helps me in court because exhole gave up the fight for his children for money and possessions.<P>Yes this is the same judge........but we never went before her. It was always handled outside the court room at the court house. <P>I guess he filed this on Thursday. My law clerk called the court house and talked with the office of Superior court 1. Told them that we would like to make statements concerning all of this to avoid a hearing since it is all nonscence. She was told that the judge would wait and not make a date for the hearing until they got the info. So that sounds pretty good.<P>My attorney feels the judge will not be happy with all of this. But I have heard that before and still got rooked.<P>I am scared and have a splitting headache. It just seems to go on and on.<P>I finally believe that it is him not me that can't get over all of this. I never thought I would say that or for that matter believe that he would actually be the one not moving on. He keeps saying I still love him and that I just can't accept the divorce.<P><BR>But I am still in turmoil how to handle the suicide attempt and the emotionally unstable part. I have several people at work who have said they will write a letter for me or even testify. Neighbors and family have told me the same.<P>I know that I am not mental or even emotionally unstable........and that the suicide attempt that happened almost 2 years ago was at a low point in my life. Now that he is gone.....so is the physical abuse and most of the verbal abuse. That abuse caused me to hate myself, my life and feel I was worthless......then coupled with the affair he had........gosh, I really lost it. But I feel so much better......I am so much better and am actually enjoying life without him. Sure it is hard, lonely and sometimes overwhelming....but I am fine.<P>Nancy

Nancy...I've been keeping up with you.<P>You expected this. We all did. You're armed with evidence and the truth. I know you've gotten a raw deal before, but you didn't have all the stuff you have now...he has sealed his own fate it would seem.<P>You've grown so strong, you can handle this as well. I know it's hard, but you and those girls will be just fine.<P>Love and prayers always,<P>Lori

Nancy,<P>On my way to work, so don't have much time. Don't know why I came in here this morning, but ((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))<P>Maybe that is why.<P>Take care and keep remembering you are NOT the one who is not moving on here.<P>Ben

Hi Mental,<P>Sorry you have to go through this. <P>You best friend at this point is documentation. Document everything. All the times he has herassed you, done the slightest little thing agains your children. Document all the abuse you have lived through your entire life with him. Name, dates, events and who knows what.<P>This will take a great deal of time for you but in the long run you will win the battle and war. <P>Second, You better find out now if your lawyer is up to this or not. IF he is not he will not do all he can in your best interest. You may want to discuss your issue with the local women's abuse shelters. They will know someone one who might be better able to help you. Also they will have helpful tips to give on how to document all the past abuse. There is a law (not sure in your area) that stipulates that the spuse that abuses the other will never get custady of the children. Check it out. <P>Now is the most difficult part. You will have to remain calm through out all this. Sometimes it really is better to look good than to feel good. Or never let them see you sweat. The reason he is pissed is that you have found your inner strength and he can no longer manipulate you. So he has pulled out the last thing that can use to get to you. Your children. <P>When a prof of mine was sexually herassing me he gave me the best advice I could have ever gotten. His words "Love me or hate me but never ignore me". Your H wants to get a rise out of you. Do not give him the satisfaction. If you have to punch a pillow but never ever let him know what you are thinking or doing. When the cort case comes up let him have it.<P>I am not sure settling out of court is the best thing. You really need a record of this and a judgment. As your lawyer what he thinks. Get a second opnion if need be.<P>Plan your next move and if he goes outside the Protective order then call the police. It will help you having this on record when it comes time for the cort case.<P>Stay strong.

nancy,<BR>I am lurking in mb,i like to keep up with friends.It seems like he is the one that cant let go and move on with his life.Keep strong.I will say a prayer for you and girls.bethn