AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!<BR>AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!<BR>AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!<P> <P><<< sniff,sniff,>>>>>>><P>Ok,I guess I feel better now.<P>Gina<P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----<p>[This message has been edited by w.g.up.h (edited August 27, 2000).]

gina,<P>what was this for? are you ok? did something happen today?<P>thl

Okay, out with it.......<P>I wish that was all I had to do to feel better.<P>Maybe I'll try.....<B>AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH</B><P>Nope, didn't work for me........What's up?

Hey Guys,<P>Yeah......I supose I am ok.<P>NO!........I'm really not!......................................................................................<P>I just want this to be over.<P>He came over for a hair cut.(which by the way I have been doing every 2 weeks forever.)<BR>(good plan A huh?....yeah right.)<P>He said he would help my hook up my printer and make dinner for us in exchange for his hair.<P>We have been getting along fine,and I have had no problems w/him coming over or us seeing eachother.(I figured that was a good thing that I wasn't breaking down into tears for him leaving again.Every time he left I could see my self still holding on to him crying telling him that we could work this out w/out him leaving.I didn't want him to leave.)<P>Now........tonight we are sitting there Chelsea is on my lap and Ian is sitting next to him on the couch and we are watching Disney and the tears just started flowing.<P>It hurt so much to know.........why on earth are we doing this when the D will be final in just a matter of weeks.<P>I am angry at him for putting me through this.But most of all.........he has ruined my trust in other men.I know that I can never say never,but how in gods green earth will I EVER be able to trust a man when he says that he loves me??????????<P>He has said..............says it all the time.But yet he is doing this????<P>I don't understand it.........<P>Not to mention the house issue.......he is given my childsupport along w/the money to pay for the house payment and all of the bills that go w/that.But he wants his name off of the Mortagage deed!<P>The only way to do that is through the Mortgage C.and I have to Refinace in my name only and there is no way I will qualify w/my little income.........it PISSES ME OFF,that I am the one that has to put up w/all of that hassle and not be able to do that.<P>It is like he has no consequences for what he is doing and it is BS.<P>............................................................................................<P>I am just emotional right now..........I will get over it!....I will be fine.<P>I just hate the day when I have to tell him that I can't have "these little family get togethers"...it just reminds me that he doesn't want to be w/me.....and it does hurt.<P>Gina

Gina,<P>{{{{{{{{{GINA}}}}}}}}}}}<P>so he is top of the hair deep in fog, not a part of his soul is visible through the denseness of da FOG!<P>Well, if he says it again, then ask him, "Why don't you stop the D and we can begin to understand each other better?" or something that will get him to slow down and think?<P>Is it that he has been with OW, I think? for about 6 months? and could reality be starting to hit him? Maybe he is thinking that this D isn't such a great deal afterall?<P>If there are no more negotiations, then is there still hope from him? Still Plan A and ask him what his plans are? What are his intentions after the D?<P>don't give up so quickly, in that maybe he is seeing the ORIGINAL GINA, the woman Gina, and not the mommy Gina, and possibly there are memories of that returning? could the fog be lifting?<P>Maybe he could be regretting it? Could the fantasy be over? It does happen, and you have been gaining strength and he is thinking also.<P>Ask him, why not put the D on hold for a few months, and make sure this is what we want? Is there any remorse? <P>If he says yes, then don't go overboard, then I would telecounsel witht he Harley's, and see what needs to be done.<P>thl<BR>

Gina,<P>It's the pits, isn't it?<P>My stbx and I did similar things. It DID make it harder in the end. We have so many memories together. <P>I would suggest that, if divorce is inevitable, you go to a plan B. I wish I had. I let stbx into house whenever he wanted. He was free to come and go as he pleased where it concerned the boys. It tore me up!!! I only talk to him now if he calls the house for a <B>very short</B> time and then ask if he wants to speak with the kids. If I have a message that I have to relay to him, I do it through his work voice mail. I know, it sounds hard - but it's been a hard journey.......I can't do it to myself anymore.<P>When stbx and I speak, I make sure that it's strictly business......no more family get-togethers. If he happens to be at my house at dinner time, I will not invite him to eat......he has somewhere else to go home to, so go.<P>I'm sorry honey......It's cruel. He probably doesn't even realize how much it hurts each time he comes over. Don't know if this reply helped, but then, again, I hope it didn't hurt.

Thl,<P>Thanks for the hug.........I am needing one pretty bad right about now.<P>Everything that you say is or could be true.<BR>NO......I know that he still wants this.<P>I even hate to say it.......but I can't go back.I don't want him back!.........I just can't live w/him anymore.(am I a quitter?,did I just give up?.am I acting and behaving like some of the people that TS has disgribed that haven't taken there vows seriously, for better or worse???)Yes......I guess I do feel that way.I am mad at my self for not just standing by him and letting him go through this.........no matter how long.<BR>Maybe for the rest of my life.(I just can't do that.....I don't want to.)<P>Maybe that is jsut what it is we do love eachother and really do get along great outside of being H and W.<P>I don't know........I guess that bc it is getting close It is hitting me that I will be on my "OWN".(finacialy that is.)<P>Most of all........I hate feeling this way.<BR>It is not me......I am not a hateful,bitter,angry person.I don't want to be this way or to feel this way ever again.<P>Gina<P>

Rcoaster,<P>No......your post did help....thank you!!<P>The D will happen......really as much as I hate to admit to it I do want it as well.<P>I have been so strong and really have been doing well.I supose that this is just one of those many dips that we all go through.<P>He even told me about a month ago that he was sorry for "Disapointing Me".He knows it and knows that he has failed but then doesn't WANT to do anything about it.<P>Even tho it is also what I want it just makes me sad that he doesn't want to try.<P>I will be ok.<P>Thank you!!<P>I will be back to my normal crazy bubbly self.<P>I guess that I can't be "UP" all of the time.<P>Gina<P>

Rcoaster,<P>that is the way I am dealing with STBX, from the start. She is so d@mn pleasant on the phone, I don't know why sometimes, but she is the one that wanted out, so I gave it to her after 5 months.<P>But I don't let her do much picking up o f the kids, I do it all. And she sometimes acts like we are just separated until she decides. Although the more I chat with people here, the more I realize she is just mentally toast.<P>Although I told her she can stop the D proceedings at any time, she said she couldn't. If she did, I would be on the phone with the Harley's in a flash. But I can't fix her problems, and I can only help our d to be sure she gets a s much help as possible.<P>But when STBX doesn't get help, and continues cr@ppy behavior in front of kids, that just sucks, no two ways about it. So Plan B it is, and if she asks, I will help her out, but I will never ask her for anything, other than children related.<P>I'm with you. if tha's what they want, they got it. live with it, and don't make me live with your life.<P>thanks, <P>thl<P>

Gina & thl ~<P>You know why they do it? Because it makes them believe that they are being the <B>good</B> ones.......that's why. They make themselves believe that they are doing everything within their power to make things "as normal as possible." They don't even think about how it tears us up inside, because they don't think.....Okay, I'm venting now.....sorry.<P>thl ~<P>Mentally toast Good description!! I hope you don't mind if I apply that one to my stbx also.<P>

RCoaster,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>They make themselves believe that they are doing everything within their power to make things "as normal as possible."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OMG........hit me on the head w/that one!<BR>You are so right!........He has even said that to me that he wanted everything to be normal. <P>Yeah........like being D and coming over and Having TEA and CRUMPETS is normal......NOT!<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Mentally toast Good description!! I hope you don't mind if I apply that one to my stbx also.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That is a good one!!....ROTFLMAO<BR>Hey,Thl,you mind if I use that one as well??<P>Thanks guys!<P>I do feel a lot better!<P>Laughter is the best medicine.<P>I will start slowly weening into B mode.<BR>I do think that that will be my only way to keep my sainity!<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Hey Gina,<P>Sometimes a good cry is theraputic......at least that's what everybody tells me. What they don't understand is that you have to have someplace to cry.....can't do it in front of the kids (they are dealing with enought right now), can't do it in front of friends (well, sometimes, but usually it makes them uncomfortable), you can do it with family if they are understanding enough - but usually you want to prove to them that you can handle it - right?<P>So, if you need to cry - wait until the kids are in bed, open a window so you can have fresh air (unless there are neighbors too close) and sob your heart out.....then, I pick myself up off the floor and drop, exhausted, into bed for the night. <P>I'm glad I'm on vacation......I don't know how I'd be dealing with this if I had to go to work for the next two weeks....Sorry - not my thread....hope you don't mind

Hey RCoaster,<P>It is ok...........it is everybody's thread far as I'm concerned.<P>I do agree w/you!..........I did so much of that tho last school season.....I can't actually believe that it is almost a year,since this all started.......it actually seems longer......like years!!!<P>I do feel better.......thanks to great friends!<P>I don't have any family here.(Ohio,and Dallas)and that is ok........you are right I need to show them that I am ok......it would break my moms heart if she were to hear me crying.(I am her baby and she just wants to kill him.)<P>I actually can't tell you when the last time that I did cry like this.......it has been a while so I guess that it is time!<P>I hope you are ok this week.......I will be thinking of you!<P>Gina <P><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

Gina,<P> To heck with that crying stuff....<P> Just go over and open the window,and yell out......<P>"I'M MAD AS H*LL,AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" <P><BR> Works for me,(until the neighbors called the cops). <P><BR> ~~Murph

Guess what I wanted to do in the year or so after x left!! Come on, guess!!