My husband of 4 yrs, said out of the blue, that he wants a divorce. He said he hasn't been happy in 2 yrs. That he wants to go out and meet people, that I didn't do anything, he wont consider counselling and he says there is nothing I can do to change his mind.<BR>I'm in love with him, I can't imagine my life without him, but he can't seem to imagine his life with me. I've read alot of the stuff on this marriage builders site and I was hopeful and optimistic, but after yersterday when he was blatantly in front of me(but at the same time hididng) writing to his internet girlfriend he screamed at me that his wanting a divorce has nothing to do with her, and he just doesn't want to be married, and again, ther is nothing I can do. So please somone give me advice, I don't want to through in the towel, But my hope is slipping away.<BR>Thanks

Garfield,<P>I'm not an expert, but wanted to respond until someone else can help you.<P>I would say that the best thing that you can do right now is calm down and relax. I realize that it is very difficult to do at the moment, as your life seems to be coming to an end, but he is still there, you aren't divorced, and you will obviously see him again, I would assume today as it sounds like he still lives there.<P>Something that this site doesn't talk about, but that I've read in other places, is that when we first fall in love, the feeling of being "in love" only lasts about 2 years. From what you've said, that seems to be right on. After that feeling faded for him, he started to realize that his emotional needs weren't being met. I think that contributed to how you ended up at this point.<P>As for the internet girlfriend, that may not be leading him to get a divorce, but it doesn't help. Someone is telling him that if he isn't happy then he should leave. But you must realize that because his needs haven't been met, he has been looking elsewhere for a fix.<P>My advice, learn all you can about filling his needs. Don't be overly confrontational, as doing so may force him to leave sooner than later. Implement plan A now. Don't provide a hostile environment for him. I can't say wheter or not to bring the subject up again when you see him or not, I just don't know.<P>Hopefully someone will be able to give you some solid advice very soon.<P>Hang in there!<P>

Welcome <B>garfield</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>What your H is now saying... <B>IS</B> influenced by his Internet girlfriend!...<BR>...one quote from the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... that really applies is <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Now...<BR>What to do?...<BR><B>Still Praying</B> is right on the mark...<P>Move into a very strong and firm <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...check out the mechanics of it at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>If he won't go to counseling...<BR>...you start...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<BR>If you can later draw in your H... great...<BR>...but start on your own!<P> <P>Jim

I feel and understand your pain. I am right there with you as my wife of nine years filed two weeks ago!<P>It is hard to give up the ship but one has to ask themselves "why would I want to be involved with someone who is mistreating me".<P>He needs to push you away to do what he wants.<P>Are there kids involved?<P>Take care of yourself as best you can, start counseling for yourself, do what you need to do. I know this is hard and you will feel great pain in the coming days and weeks!<P>Pray for your husband and hope that he regains his senses! I have turned my wife over to GODS loving hands as I have no power over her!<P>Keep your head up!

I appreciate everyone that is writing to me, you all are helping me. No children thankfully are involved, just a couple of dogs, he is in the military, and so his schedule is 48 hrs. on and 48 hrs. off, so we will have time to be apart hopefully so he can think. I've read the plan A and I like what it says. Being that we are military, neither of us have anywhere else to go, so we will still be living togher until he files. So I'm going to pray and make our place a nice place to be, I have hope again, Thank you.