Saturday morning the tech that works for me called and said he could not keep the puppy german shepherd he had gotten from me.<P>Too much responsibility, money, blah, blah, blah. (not much respect for someone who pulls this crap)<P>Anyway, he wanted me to take this 4month old pup back and give him his money back. I told him I would help him find a home, but no refund as he should have thought it thru better to begin with (also I cut him a deal on the pup and lost $ anyway)<P>It occured to me, that as I had already emotionally detatched from this pup long ago, that maybe the stbx wife might want him. One of her recent demands had been his momma, who was a wedding gift to US from MY MOTHER. I had told her not only no, but H*LL NO!<P>So, I called her mother and asked her if she would like him. Much to my surprise I heard back that she was thrilled and would immediately drive down to get him from the guy.<P>Maybe this will give her something to hold on to and a reason to pull herself back together. I feel good about this, and made it clear to her that I was doing this out of kindness of my heart. Though I have already made my mind up that not only do I NOT want her back, I don't even ever want to be friends with her again. My choice.<P>LOL by the way.... a fortune teller at a fair this weekend told me I would meet my lifetime partner within a month.<P>I laughed and said WHATEVER!<P>Ben<P>

Hi Ben,<P>Good for you. Just because we no longer have the same commitment to our stbx's doesn't mean that we can't care for them as persons. Being a caring person doesn't require us to maintain any other kind of relationship with them. (Unless there are children - it doesn't sound like there is in your situation - ?)<P>My stbx needs to use the computer this afternoon - so, okay......doesn't mean anything other than that. I would let someone from work, or next door, use it if they had to. No difference. We don't have to turn nasty on each other just because we are getting divorced.<P>

I have made a number of peace offerings to my x. I find it to my best advantage, sometimes, to humor the man. I do try to be civil although I find it necessary to keep a lot of distance between us as he is verbally and emotionally abusive toward me.<P>You made a good choice. Never pays to be ugly to others. <P>Insofar as reclaiming his stuff, I maintain that when the x moved, that was the time he should have taken his stuff. When he came to get some other stuff, mostly tools, he could have taken anything else. Subsequent requests have gotten the "When I find it" response. I don't go to any trouble to look for stuff but when I find things, I give them to him. He's been gone for 5 yrs but I still find a thing or two that was on his list.

Updated Update<P>Course, she had to be ugly about me when she picked the pup up. Said all kinds of nasty things to someone who WORKS for me.<P>Seems like it NEVER pays to be the nice guy anymore. Oh well, hopefully she will do better by the puppy than she did by me.

For me being nice pays off when I put my head on my pillow. On the other hand, sometimes I avoid even seeing x when he comes by to pick up or drop off children. But ugly, I try to never be ugly unless I have trouble with him being abusive.