Hi there,<P>H just came by the house, sure wasn't expecting it, he has college til 10 pm and I haven't spoken to him since the fateful phone call on Saturday where I decided that it was quitting time.<P>The kids up and walked away from the dinner table and went to bed, he sat and read his mail that had come and asked when I was seeing attorney & that he had already collected all the paperwork he was going to ask for and that I should just go copy it.<P>We talked a bit about stuff, he clarified some stuff that was told to me by a third party on Friday. I said, "you do realize I don't want a divorce", he said, "yes". I told him how much I was learning and changing and that I had realized what I had done that helped the marriage to fail. How I was finding the "me" that I had lost. I told him about what Dr Steve and I talked about during the last couseling session, basically that it was MY fault that he wasn't in love with me anymore, and it was MY responsibility to fix it. That Dr. Steve wanted to talk to him, not for H's sake, but so that he could find out what his needs were so that it could help me. I told him about the 90% success rate MB has, that there were successes with marriages that had more difficult things to overcome than what we were dealing with. That MB is NOT a counseling in the typical form, but rather a coaching for us to set up our own plan in which we work together to rebuild the love we once had. That Dr. Steve doesn't take sides, he is just there to guide you towards completing the goals.<P>I basically gave him a Plan B letter in voice form, I told him that by living apart it makes it much harder to meet each other's needs, but it can still be done, that I thought I had gotten some progress by the way he called to tell me about what was going on in his life. I said my needs are pretty easy to deal with, that was one of the reasons I still loved him. That I was so unsure of his that I was always trying to scramble to do whatever I thought might please him and so envariably missed everything. Then I would get frustrated and withdraw myself. I said we did everything wrong to repair the marriage, that Dr. Steve said it was because of the few times we tried for a bit after conventional counseling and it didn't work was why he didn't want to try again.<P>I said that after what he told me on Thursday about waiting to file til it was convenient for him hurt me very badly. He again stated that he didn't want to be an enemy, he wanted to let me work gradually into the idea of divorce, that if he was a true a**hole, he could have done it immediately and I would have to leave the house in a month as it was bought on his VA loan, even though I co-signed. (another thing to ask the attorney)<P>I asked him that if it was sure thing to get the love back, would he be willing to try? He said he wasn't sure. He then went out and grabbed the front tires off the kids bikes that were flat and is going to repair them. We walked out to his truck, he held me, kissed me and said he'd talk to me later. I told him I loved him and would he please come home.<P>I thought I was so prepared to just file for divorce, even though it is the last thing I want, and now I am crushed again. I dangle from a thread, what he says both gives me a bit of hope and a bit of despair. It looks like another night of little sleep, at least I ate before he got here. <P>Do I wait for his "convenience" to file for divorce, living in a constant state of roller coastering emotions? Definitely I think I should put in for legal custody of the kids and some modicum of support. <P>I'm sorry, I am so confused... <P>Lori <P>

Hang in there I know it is tough as I am right with you.<P>Why does he want divorce? Not in love anymore?<P>Go to counseling yourself and make sure the kids needs are met!

Hi hurtin,<P>yep, he wants a divorce because he isn't 'in love" with me anymore. No affairs, and basically other than communication problems, not much wrong with the marriage. No fighting, do stuff together, are sexually compatible, have great kids, good friends, run a business together, so have the same occupational stuff to talk about.<P>Doesn't make a lot of sense, and I am hoping he realizes that one of these days.<P>Lori