this is my first time here. to let you know right of the back, i'm a lousy letter writer. i just need advice and frankly don't have anyone to turn too.<BR>here we go...... i have been married for almost 18 years now. about 8 yrs ago my husband had an affair. it hurt me very much, but i wanted to make the marriage work, so i forgave ( but never forgot) things went great, so i thought. last monday i found some girls work schedule in his back pocket.(now, now i wasn't snooping...i was doing laundry). anyway...i did begin to snoop around and my suspitions were right. he was seeing another woman!! i felt like i was hit by a train. i confronted him about it, which of course he tried to deny..at first... but little did he know i already had called the OW.<BR>to my surprise i couldn't even yell at him. i just sat their and told him how hurt i was. he was trying to explain to me, that he was confused and he didn't know what he wanted..( he didn't want to be with the other woman)<BR>it took me so many years to gain back some trust after the first time (that i know of)<BR>i know that i can't do it again. i'm tired of beeing hurt and stept on...<BR>he slept in his truck for a week. he asked me if there is anything we can to about this situation. and all i can say is" i don't know"<BR>i am so confused. today he moved out, i don't know where he went, but i know he will let me know. i know he is sorry, but it will not change my feelings.<BR>i know there are lots of you out there with simular problems. i just need some advice, how to deal with mine!!<BR>thanks for listening<BR>i'm hoping for some reply!!!<BR>schatzibaby

My advice would be to let him sweat. When I told mine to move, he told our daughter that he was upset that I hadn't called and asked him back. He did come back about 3 days later and asked to come home. But he wasn't ready to start all over from the time we met in 1967. I told him that if he wasn't willing to date me all over, then he was to get back out.<P>He did and we were separated for 2 1/2 years before the divorce was final. However, I am so proud of myself that I stood up to him. After taking some verbal abuse from him and then being cheated on, I will not beg him back. <P>I wish you the best in this. But you can do it.<P>Martha

Welcome <B>schatzibaby</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Always a hard one...<P>How often can one forgive...<BR>once, twice, 7 times, 70 times 7 times.<P>I would first recommend... you check out...<BR>Forgiveness references...<P><B>Web sites..</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A><BR><A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A><P><B>Books...</B><BR><OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><B>Links to posts...</B><BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000076.html" TARGET=_blank>Can I forgive?????</A>…..indy032…..1/31/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003319.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness.....</A>…..just_me…..6/5/2000<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006615.html" TARGET=_blank>How to rebuild my spouse's trust?</A>…..redman…..8/23/1999<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000274.html" TARGET=_blank>Things my husband did to rebuild trust</A>…..HGBrawner…..3/17/2000<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002831.html" TARGET=_blank>on knowing the "truth" </A>…..loveWASblind=lWb/popeye…..5/9/2000<P>----------------------------------------<P>After reading the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post...<BR>...see if the concepts make sense...<P>...if so...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P>Prayers...<P> <P>Jim