I've been married for seven years and now my wife wants a divorce. I have never cheated on her and she has never cheated on me. I have been sneaking around calling and talking to an ex-girlfriend on the phone and my wife has asked me to stop, but I didn't. My wife had an accident which left her unable to have kids and I knew this going into the marriage, but I threw it up in her face when I was angry with her. I love my wife so much and i never realized she would leave me, but reality has hit home and I want her back. It's just that nothing I say or do will get through to her. Please help a hurting and heart-broke husband.<br>Thanks, DA

I can't speak for your wife and I don't know what is in her head but to be honest, are you sure you are saying and doing the right things to "get through to her"?<br>You say you are sneaking around with your ex girlfreind....but are not having an affair?<br>In many peoples eyes (and maybe your wife's) that IS considered an affair. Affairs don't have to be sexual.<br>Stop to think about this. What if it was YOUR wife that was sneaking around behined your back calling her ex boyfriend? Maybe this ex boyfriend of hers is able to have children and you are not?<br>Try some role reversal and think of how your actions and words may have an affect on her. <p>A woman's reproductive system is VERY highly valued by them. To have it taken away can and must be very devistating. I can't speak for women though. It might be different for men because for the most part we don't necessarily want or need children. To have OUR reproductive system taken from us may not affect us the same way it does women. In some cases men may consider it a godsend <br>It would be something like; for your whole life you have been promised something special, maybe an inheritence of a very successful company and you someday will be president of it. This company comes with a net worth of say $1 Billion.<br>You spend your whole life preparing for the time you can finally inherit this huge fortune, but one day someone takes it all away from you and you are left with nothing. Your hopes, dreams, and desires are shattered into oblivion and you are left with no hope of EVER reaching that what was once promised to you.<br>Now, someone for no apparent reason decides to attack you because of it. Maybe sighting that it was YOUR fault that you are doomed to be a failure? Even though it was an accident, and that you may not have had anything to do with it. It doesnt matter, this person is trashing you for it anyway, making you feel so down, so upset, and so angry, but there is nothing you can do about it. NOTHING! (or can you just walk away from this jerk so you can't hear his taunts anymore?)<p>I don't know everything that is going on in your's and your wife's life but from the little you have written I would say that you have a LOT of re thinking on how you approach you wife.<br>I'll give you another example.<br>In your garage is a beutiful brand new cherry red ferrari.<br>What do you do with it? Do you cherish it? take it out and show it off? Wash and wax it often to keep that new car look? If the car stalls, do you take it to the shop for a tune up? and then keep up regular maintenance to make sure it is always in top condition? Buy a manual so you know how to treat it right and keep it in excellent condition?<p>OR do you neglect it? Cuss and kick at it everytime it stalls? let the bodywork rust away? Never change the oil so one day the car seizes up?<br>More importantly, do you just leave it in the garage under tight scrutiny and every time you go into that garage, complain about it's little dents, nicks and scratches instead of taking it to a professional to get it worked on.<br>While you are there, you could get some tips on how to better maintain your car.<p>Mark

dbdrew,<p>I took some time to think about what to say to you. I felt for your wife when I read that you had thrown the fact that she couldn't have kids in her face. I was not able to have kids of my own. My H and I went through alot of infertility. If he had ever just once thrown this in my face it would have destroyed me. I think there is more to your story than calling the girlfriend and not being able to have kids. If I were your wife and knew you had lied about calling your ex-girlfriend then I would wonder what else you lied about. Mark is right that some people would consider that an affair. An emotional one can hurt just as much as the real thing. <p>You want to know what you can do to win her back. I would suggest an apology. You also need to admit to her that you know you were emotionaly abusive to her. Get yourself some counseling to learn how to treat your wife with respect. Show her that you are willing to take the steps to improving things. Then be consistent with her. I'm not sure what else has gone on other than what you have said but as we all know, it will take alot of time for you to prove to her that you love her because of what you have said I'm sure she has her doubts. Good Luck. <p>Steph