I need some help, I have been the most active parent with the kids over the last 8 years. I take care of them when they are sick, I take them to and from school, I am involved in all aspects of their schooling.<P>Now our wonderful state of Nebraska says I can see them every other weekend and 21 days during the summer. What a joke!<P>I want to be involved with them every day yet they need stability and structure. They need not have to worry about where they are eating or where they are sleeping.<P>They need to know that both their mom and I are equally concerned and involved. I still haqrbor fantises about their mom and I working it out some where down the road but until that time how do the kids get their needs met?<P>Help!

that is contested divorce where a judge gets to decide the minimum in favor of the wife, for which they have guidelines.<P>However, you should be able to negotiate outside of the court for equal time. Try mediation, try negotiations between lawyers.<P>Remember, they ARE NOT POSSESSIONS. You are NOT a DISNEY DAD! What is in the best interests of the child?<P>Is there a GAL assigned to your case? have you filed or are you weighing the options?<P>Uncontested divorce can be negotiated with all kinds of PARENTING PLANS. ask you lawyer for a reference to a mediator who is sympathetic to father's issues, preferably who has been a GAL. Also look up demiators in your state, and get one who is a member of the association.<P>that will go very far, and you can suck the STBX in by saying you will be reasonable, and try to avoid costly lawyers fees, etc.<P>its is working in my case. Although she wants certain CS, I get 6 days out of 14 per week, almost half.<P>right now you have to be imaginative and think negotiation strategies.<P>good luck. It can work if you are reasonable, and remember,<P><B> THEY ARE NOT POSSESSIONS! they are not trophies of divorce! money and property are, but not kids! </B><P>

hurtinOmaha,<P>I agree with WhenIfindthetime! Your children are not possessions! How hard it would be for the children to be shuffled back and forth as such. Negotiate and be sure at the same time you have your attorney's FULL attention to your past, present and future involvement with your children.<P>I have been lurking some, watching yours and others life experiences but want you to know that you've got a neighbor 150 miles west of you on ol' I-80!<P>Hang in there and God Bless,<BR>Ragamuffin

Omaha,<BR>Well being a fellow Omahan to you my situation as you well know is very different with no kids BUT THL is perfectly right. That is why trying to keep things "cool" between you and your wife is very important at this stage! That will make negotiations much better and possibly easier!<P>I know I was "retiring" from this site, but I was lurking around today and noticed your post!<P>What Ragamuffin said about getting YOUR attorney's full attention is SOOOO RIGHT ON! GREAT comment Ragamuffin!!!<P>Anyway "Omaha" I know it is extremely hard right now, but you really need to bite your bottom lip, keep yourself sane and give it the BEST shot you've ever given to this!<P>By the way...Ragamuffin, where are you if you don't mind me asking. I grew up along I-80 about 150 miles west of here. Little town between Kearney and Grand Island! Just curious.<P>Omaha, HANG IN THERE. Wish I could help you more. Hey would you send me an email with your home and work numbers again? I return from Phoenix on the 6th of Sept. I will call ya and come meet ya for lunch, or after work for a chat OKAY...I somehow lost your numbers!<P>Drew

Hi,<P>Just popping in for a moment - very busy, there have been quite a few threads about these type issues, I don't like 50/50 custody at all, feel the children need a home, a place they can count on all the time, not going back and forth with suitcases - but would opt for daily contact with both parents, sharing the day-to-day responsibility.<P>Hurting, I would have to say, as the primary caregiver now, it seems to me that you should remain the primary caregiver? Am I mistaken that it is your ex who desires "a new life?" You do most of the stuff anyway, why not continue? perhaps she would prefer it that way? <P>And another thing, you don't want the divorce, your wife does - I think maybe if she had a clearer picture of what she was giving up, you may have a better shot at reconciliation? Like she needs a slap to the head, "wake up woman!!"<P>I do believe there are many women who just aren't cut out to be mothers, and I am always sorry to see women have babies who maybe shouldn't have - I couldn't walk away from my babies under any circumstances - this isn't manipulation when you make your wife aware of the magnitude of the change to everyone's life that divorce brings - perhaps if she understands she may not automatically have the children, maybe she will rethink things a bit? Even if I were unhappy with my husband, if I thought that leaving him would mean leaving the children...well, I just couldn't do it. She may be more willing to truly work on your marriage if the price for ending it were higher. You sound like a very good man, you aren't beating her, cheating on her. You deserve better than you are getting right now. <P>I don't think that is something you should just accept as a given, that she has primary custody - and frankly, if she wants to split it like that, maybe she doesn't want it? <P>Maybe you could even try to keep the house, so the kiddies don't have that change right now too?<P>Good luck, hopefully for complete reconciliation, but if that isn't possible, you sure sound like the dads around here who have primary physical custody...

Blue Drew,<P>Here is a bottle of "cyber champagne" for you to break on your new life's course! I had been reading your experiences and can see your growth. Wonderful job, not easy, but you have made up your mind life is going on.<P>I've also read the great support you and others have given Omaha in his time of great need! Divorce stinks....period! Down the road when you look back, know and believe you did the best you could. So, Omaha, don't give up on trying to be the custodial parent. Gender does not direct which one of you will provide the better home, ACTION does.<P>Sure you can ask Drew, I'm in Hastings. Just guessing, you'd be from Gibbon, Shelton, Wood River? Are you ready for those Huskers to kick off the season Saturday? The blackshirts should be a great couple of hours of distraction from "life", if you are in to football that is!<P>Take care,<BR>Ragamuffin<P>

It seems some of you have gotten the wrong impression. I am most definitely trying to do what is best for the kids. They certainly are not trophys.<P>I want them to feel stable and loved!<P>I want them to have consistent parenting from both of us!<P>It is always nice to know we have more Nebraskans here, Go Cornhuskers!<P>I get out to Kearney once and a while to do some work for FNBO!<P>Drew it is good to hear from you, I will send my email and phone numbers!<P>Sleeping in the same bed day after day seems to be best for kids. That means I miss getting them up and putting them to bed. I quess I could do a telephone good night!

Ragamuffin,<BR>Dang your good, of course those are the only three towns between Kearney and GI unless of course you count Alda...LOL<P>I grew up in Shelton, but had a big association through my parents business with Gibbon too!<P>And I thank you for your comments about wishing me luck on the new endeavors. It is time for ole' Drew (not that old) to move on and restart the heart. I have definately learned so much from this site since coming on in June, but like every good thing it has to come to somewhat of an end too! Although I do still surf the boards, this is the first day I have posted in 2 weeks.<P>anyways, I also wish you the very best too! To bad I had to "meet" a fellow Central Nebraskan on here, but it is a great place to learn how to deal with marital problems and also if you have the misfortunes of going down the divorce road it is a great place to build upon that and move on with life as well!<P>Will be checkin' to see what is going on from time to time, and I am OF COURSE ready for the Big Red to roll to the Orange Bowl this year!<P>Poor San Jose State, The heat is going to be miserable though Saturday for that game. And for sure GO BIG RED <P>Drew