I've been married for 17yrs have two teenage sons. We were 27 when we married and both set in our own ways. As a result Control was a big issue for us. This lead to Equality, everything had to be equal. I had to work when our sons were babies because H felt if he couldn't be with our sons due to work I couldn't either. Still he was a good loving H most of the time until he'd had his 5th beer. He always drank at home and kept a steady job. After that 4th or 5th beer he changed, It was like living with two different people. He'd get defensive and think everyone was just out to get him. We struggled alot with this over the years to the point where our sons would hide in their rooms to avoid confrontations or hearing us fight. In May 1999 I finally got tired of living that way and asked him to leave. He refused, telling me I had the problem. Eventually he left, I told him he needs to stop drinking and get help. In November I found out he was having an A on the same night he got his first DWI. At this time I filed for divorce. Mostly because since I changed locks to avoid him coming over he stopped supporting us. I later found out the A started in July after we were separated and he has asked for my forgiveness since then and says it didn't mean anything to him, that he was just so lonely. He claims he only loves me and I really do believe this as this was never a doubt for me. We tried reconciliation this April and it lasted 2 months. Although he has cut his drinking he has not stopped, he is severely depressed and at times paranoid. I've suggested counseling and we went once, when the counselor suggested separate counseling he refused. He says we need help together. The divorce is due to be final in September and H has fought every inch of the way but I just can't go back to living like that. I still love him very much but trust is a different story. I'm not talking trust due to the A, I mean trusting he'll get help and trusting we can work things out. He keeps asking for another chance but we always end up in an arguement. Anyone else have similiar problem out there? I would be interested in seeing how you survived.

I am a recovering alcoholic of 8 years, your husband needs help but he is probably scare to death to stop drinking!<P>A good counselor is needed who understands alcoholism and the family dynamics. Start going to Al-Anon your self and start taking care of yourself.<P>Abstinance is the only way in my mind and if he gets into recovery it will be tough for the marriage but it can grow and infact thrieve.