We are the last remaining married couple in both of our families. All the rest are widows, widowers, divorced, or never been married. The problem is that both sides are constantly trying to separate us. Blood is thicker than marriage vows, they must reason. We receive phone calls, letters and e-mails weekly from both sides demanding that one of us come to visit (they all live out of state from us) but don't want us coming together and become angry when we tell them we aren't going to do that. We have been very happily married in spite of them for over four years now, but this push-me-pull-you is getting to be too much. We have demanded that they stop and have set limits on them, but they refuse to. I'm afraid it will eventually wear us down and pull us apart. I am willing to completely cut my family off for continueing this behavior, but I'm not sure about my husband. Any suggestions?

Wow! your families are being incredibly selfish... Unfortunately, since your placing limits and boundaries on them hasn't helped, you will probably be obliged to cut yourselves off from them. You should probably bring this up to your husband and discuss it openly.<p>I hope things improve for you.<p>terri

Thanks, Terri. This is the first time I've been in a forum or chat or anything and all of you in Marriage Builder's forums seem like great people. We have been discussing this since he got home a few hours ago. We have both agreed that since the boundaries aren't working, we will be cutting the families off. The hard part is going to be enforcing it. Will let you know.<p>Thanks for your support. After everything we've been through, it's nice to know you're out there.<p>Evelyn

Honey--<p>Let me tell you, I come from a long list of divorced people. I have sat back and watched my mother meddle in my brothers marriage until she finally broke them up. Now, my three nephews are forced to grow up the wrong way (without daddy at home). When I got maried last year I vowed that they would not do the same thing to me. Oh yes, they tried real hard. What my husband and I did was stop calling them, we have caller ID so when they call they get the answering machine. I know this sounds incredibly cruel but when holidays come around we are not at their house and we make sure they know that we will not be home so they won't try and come to ours. It worked!!!!! After eight months of not being able to rock the boat, the calls, mail and other forms of harrassment have dwindled close to nil. You will never be able to get them completely out of your business, but you sure can make life easier on you and your spouse by not being "available".

How did you guess that his mother was the worst of them all? I can't really say that because my sister is as bad, just much farther away. We tried caller ID and they would do that *67 or whatever it is to block their identity. Then we got call blocker installed and they started calling from pay phones to get around that. We still get two or three messages on our answering machine a week. They would drop by and when we wouldn't answer the door, they started going to where we work--we both worked retail. It cost me my job. Matthias has been luckier since he can have security remove them. As for us, we don't call them and we don't visit--which is easier now that the only two who have supported us and love that we are married (his grandfather and my mother)are now in nursing homes. We can see them and avoid the others-and they don't tell.<p>It doesn't sound cruel at all, beleive me! They holidays are supposed to be happy times and if your family makes you miserable, what's the point getting together with them? We now get together with freinds for the holidays and go down to the soup kitchens to help serve and that kind of thing. It's fun and feels great.<p>H put his foot down on his family last night after another threatening message. As his mother can be a very violent nightmare when she doesn't get her way; we are a little concerned about what she might do. We managed to get Thanksgiving to ourselves for once when we left word on our answering machine that we would have the apartment complex's security remove them if they showed up. It must have worked.<p>Looking forward to eight months from now ourselves! Thanks for the advice!