I need to vent..Okay...I am so dang frustrated right now!! I've been married nine years..three months into our marriage my h<BR>took a job he knew would take him out of town ALL THE TIME!!! Home 1 weekend a month..FOR NINE YEARS I have done this..and stayed home w/ the kids..I have asked Him numerous times<BR>to look for a job in town..whenever I would ask him to do this he would say well..update my resume' and I'll send them out..I would update his resume' but HE WOULDN'T SEND THEM OUT!!! He even asked MY BROTHER at one point to do his resume' up..and He did..thinking that H would look for a job at home..He never has..then..One time I sent them out for him..and he had a couple of responses back and HE NEVER RETURNED THOSE CALLS!!! So what does this say..It tells me HE DOESN"T want to be here..(okay so it's taken me a long time to realize this) so In March I told h I wanted to seperate..(since we don't know each other and I don't trust him, He's never trusted me, and has always made that known to me by accusing me of having A's time and time again)So anyway..I told him in march I wanted to seperate..and don't want him to come home for awhile..should be easy he just wouldn't come home that 1 weekend a month..well..he decides he wants to be home more..ignoring MY feelings on this..and starts just coming home..I don't know this man..we haven't talked haven't had any Emotional connection<BR>and NOW HE WANTS TO COME HOME!!! He would call and make comments he's broke..and has no money and homeless and whatever to make me feel guilty..and it worked..so I'd let him come home everytime..because I felt guilty that he didn't have anywhere to go..(when in reality he did)<P> I've been in counseling now since Feb. for some other issues..and I told him last week I didn't want him to come home..that he needs to find someplace else to stay when he's town..for that one weekend a month..and he can come get the kids and spend time w/ them then..so that weekend he calls and starts w/ the "I'm broke, I'm homeless, I was going to take off this weekend and come home and now i can't cause I have no home to come to" and laying it on thick..and me feeling GUILTY about it..I feel like he's trying to manipulate me AGAIN to allow him to come home..he's making the SAME promises to look for another job..yet he's not looking..I have told him of companies that are hiring and he just ignores it..so now when I tell him..He chose not to be here for the past 9 years..that was his choice..and Now he's saying again that he'll find a job at home..and I told him don't bother..WHY DO I FEEL SO GUILTY?? For nine years he's said no..he doesn't want to be here..so now I say okay..fine..I don't want you here..and he wants to be here...I DON"T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!<P>I'm tired of the broken promises..I am tired of having the hope shattered..I just want to move on with my life without all the broken promises and hurts..

ThornedRose,<P>You shouldn't feel guilty. As you're becoming a stronger person you're starting to realize that you deserve to be happy in life. To be with someone who understands what hope is. To be with someone who cares about your dreams and wants to work with you to fulfill them. To be with someone that you can love, and that will love you in return.<P>Sounds like right now, you need to stick to your guns and get a commitment out of him, this time it may actually work. He needs to determine whether or not he still wants to be married, and you need to determine whether or not you can continue to live like this. I'm sure that you don't want to purposely hurt him, but you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. You'd might as well enjoy it.

Why not send the Plan B love letter next time he makes his "request?" When he has overhauled his whole life (gotten a job and pad in town), then you can talk again! Sounds fair to me.

Rose,<P>i got a thread for you at General Questions II under Terri's "how many in long term affairs 2 or more years". Not sure if you got it?<P>love<BR>weep