My wife and I have been married for 15 years, with two children, 14 & 3. This past week she left for one night and I found out that she was at the home of a male friend and she says that there was not anything physical going on, but that there was "emotional attachments." Any information regarding this issue is appreciated.

Scott,<p>I think it would be a good time to sit down with your wife and find out where she is at emotionaly. Emotional attachments can be for so many different reasons. She may have needed someone to talk to on an emotional level...where she could get her feeling out in the open. I'am only speculating on the reasons why, but I would definetely sit down with your wife and let her know that she can open up to you emtionally and get her feeling ect...out in the open.This could also be a warning sign in your marriage.<p>[This message has been edited by violet1 (edited 11-29-98).]<p>[This message has been edited by violet1 (edited 11-29-98).]

Scott, I agree with Violet that you need to sit down with your wife and find out how your wife is feeling. I had almost given up on talking to my H because <p>1. He would only interrupt anything I said and talk over me<p>or <p>2. I knew that he didn't care or value my feelings, and was so sure that he was a great husband, and I was just a nag.<p>I am not in any way saying that your wife feels this way, or that you treat her this way when she tries to talk to you. I just know that sometimes, when a stranger listens to a woman, it makes her feel like she is REALLY being listened to, and then she starts opening up more, and it feels good to be able to let everything out and be heard. <p>If you sit down with your wife, just remember to listen and not talk. Sometimes I just want to be able to "run off at the mouth" and feel like my feelings are heard. <p>There I go again, running off at the mouth! Sorry! I hope some of this helps, and my prayers are with you.

Thank you Violet1 and Deanne for your reply.<p>I would like to give you some more information and if you have any advice it would be appreciated. <p>There are other dynamics involved in this. My wife is being treated for drug addiction(codeine) and also anxiety depression. When I ask what she found in this other male that I was not providing she said "nothing" at first and then said it was someone to listen without judging her. I have harbored up a great deal of resentment over the addiction because it involves lying and financial problems.<p>This other male can listen but does not have to come home to the problems that stem from the addiction. <p>He is also a recovering addict who has just come out of a divorce where he was hurt deeply. <p>It is hard to listen without offering advice to her or trying to help.<p>Scott

Scott,<p>I would like to comment again on your situation, and try to give you some direction. Due to your wifes current condition of Drug adiction and Treatment, it may take some time for your wife to be stable. Her behavior is more than likely the direct result of her adiction. She still needs to be accoutable for her actions and take a stand herself to fight this thing that has controlled her life. I hope that the Treatment Center that she is currently in with be a Great success...as so many of them are a success. You will need to be a strong support for your wife. I dont know if your wife is easy to communicate with at the point in her life, but make sure you keep the communication as a top prioity in your marriage. If you feel that your wife has lied to you or is continuing to lie about things, its really important to confront her regaring these issues...important note:be carefull on your approach to her(dont attack verbally)it will backfire. Just show your genuine concern regarding those issues.Your wife may be unstable and unpredictable but remember that there is hope. Be strong and be wise in your marriage. As your wife continues in the Drug Treatment program she will hopefully became a strong healthy minded person again, and I pray that your marriage will became strong and beautiul in time.I'll keep her in my prayers..........<p>

Scott,<p>I can see how your wife may feel that she needs to talk to this guy at this point in her recovery. Most women want someone to just listen and understand instead of always trying the fix things. I would just ask that she be honest with you as to when she is going to see him and talk to him. I would also ask her to do this in a public place and not alone at his home. I'm not suggesting that there is anything going on now but don't play with fire. Be supportive but don't allow yourself to be walked on for her recovery. She needs to recover in the real world and not one made safe for her or the pressure will be too much for her to handle. I know because I have gone the rounds with my brother three times now. Keep yourself strong and make sure she knows that you don't blame her that you love her unconditionally. My prayers are with you. <p>Steph