I went out on a blind date last Fri nite and had a great time(dinner and a movie). We had talked alot on the phone prior to that, over 5 hrs.<P>Anyway she asked me and my kids over for a Labor Day get togther today. I was real hesitant about introducing the kids into this and even put her off until today. Her kids which I did meet on Fri nite, were real enthused about meeting my kids as the fall age wise between mine.<P>After some thought anddiscussion with my d, who I felt would have a problem with meeting someone I am dating(am dating after 1 date?), but her biggest deal was not being around her friends. So I worked out a compromise where she can go see her friends in the neighborhood where we are going.<P>I know everything I read, says takke it slow, but it just a picnic. I guess I should have told her no, but I had no plans and neither did the kids.<P>What is you guys take on this? My kids don't seem too upset about it.

Bob,<P>Not everyone has to be a date. <BR>And going to a labor day get together of a friend who has kids is not bad.<P>Sleeping with her at your house, that is a different nature. <P>Think of it another way. If you can't take your kids to a friends party, will they only go to a relative's party? will they only go to a work party? both of these are pretty limiting, and you want to show them you can socialize in new situations.<P>She is only a friend at this point, you are not dating her at the labor day party, and yes, take your kids out to have a good time, that is the goal.<P>my stbx takes our kids to parties, and my son even brings his friends to. I would rather have that than be afraid of socialization. As long as the kids have outs or other kids to play with, you are just an adult socializing at a party.<P>Bob, don't feel that you can't have fun, and socialize. Don't be so serious about fun.<P>thl

RWD ~<P>I hope you had fun at the picnic.....you did go, didn't you? If you didn't, you probably missed a really nice afternoon <P>If it was me, I'd have gone. Then again, my guys are probably older than your kids, and they tend to take it all in stride. Not that I've gone on any dates yet.....what I mean is that there seems to be a whole new sense of relief at my house since last Thursday. (Divorce Day)

Bob,<P>Relax...It was a picnic....Remember...You're single now...<P>I hope you had fun and didn't swet the fact that you intoduced your kids to a strange woman...WhenIfindTheTime Is correct...<P>Bill<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited September 04, 2000).]

Whoa! I am not up to speed on your story, so I don't know how long you've been divorced, but it seems that the kids meeting any person after just one date is way too soon! I don't think it's good for kids to have a parade of strangers in and out of their lives. They need stability. Yes, I think they need to know that mommy and daddy are not getting back together and that both their parents have friends now, but meeting other people just seems a bit "serious" to me. Just my opinion.

Bob,<P>Are you really dating after 1 date? I don't think so. You went out with a woman, had some fun, now she is reciprocating. I don't think that is dating, quite yet,<BR>personally, although please call the date police for clarification.<P>And as long as you don't dicuss it with children as dating, then it would be fine.<P>However, 7th 8th & 9th graders date after one meeting, not divorcees. You are just getting out and back into socialization practice. Friends, remember? just friends.<P>thl

Hey Bob,<P>The only request from my oldest son [T2] was that his next step-mother is at least older than he is. The smart [censored], I don't know where he gets it from. So any chick over 19 is open season for me. <P>I don't see any reason you guys could not go to a picnic that you were invited to by a friend. Youre not engaged yet, right? Hell's bell's, I'd go.<P>I know I'm probably a day late and a dollar short, that's me <P>The Pinhead

I may have misled you guys, it wasn't a party party, it was her family and mine at her house.<P>I did go and it seemed to go okay. The kids all got along. It was a little awkward at first, but after we ate the kids went and played and then when it got later they were watching a movie.<P>My son said he really like her and her kids.My daughter as usual didn't say too much. I asked them both last nite if they minded me dating and they both said no.<P>Claire, how are you holding up. My work computer internet sofware crashed and I haven't had time to chck my personal computer much. Give you self some time to heal. It does get better, but it takes time.<P>thl, I guess I do consider it dating. The kids consider talking to someone as going out. SO I'm not sure exactly what they would consider actually going out with someone. I tend to generalize though and do consider it a date. Isn't that what you would call a dinner with an eligible non coworker? lol.<BR> I consider you guys all my friends and I have never even met or talked in person to any of you.<P>Bill, I did have fun. How are you doing?<P><BR>Popeye, I was divorced on Feb 1st of this year. X left me in July 99.<BR>I basically agree with you in that I don't think I should parade a bunch of people past my kids. I was really apprehensive about doing this and did give it plenty of thought.<P>I hadn't really planned on even telling my kids I am dating unless they ask, but when I picked her up on Fri nite and she was telling her boys good night, one of her neighbor boys came over and this boy plays football with my son, so I knew the first thing out of this boys mouth the next day was that he saw me with his neighbor lady. So I told my son about the date the first thing the next day. And sure enough, thats what happened. I don't want to sneak around behind their backs, but I don't necessarily want to let them in on my personal life any more than I have too.<P>Zippy, I was kidding my son about a girl he liked last year, that she really liked me. This year when I said that to him, he said I could have her!! She must be about 11.

Bob ~<P>Is it you that has the daughter named Claire? I know somebody on this board does.<P>Well, introducing your children to a new person that you have an interest in will always be kinda hard. I'm not really looking that far into the future right now, but I think you handled it okay. Especially since your son's friend saw you w/her...best to just be up-front about it (I take it that your son is pre-teen?).<P>I'm holding up okay - thank you very much for inquiring. As long as I don't have to discuss 'us' with X it's not so bad. Family and friends have been great. <P>Glad you had a nice time.<P>Claire

Hey Buddy,<P>Glad to hear things went pretty well. Have you had a serious talk with your d? Wonder what's going thru her mind. You would know best. Something about Mom?<P>One word of advice, stay away from the 11 year olds. The 12 year olds are much better Just kidding, they don't mature around here until 13.<P>Take care Bob, you are in my prayers.<P>Still the Pinhead

Claire, My d's name is Claire. She is 13 and my s is 9, will be 10 in Dec. I'm glad you have the family support. Mine wasn't the greatest, but I had tons of supportive friends plus everybody here.<P>Tim, My d is pretty quiet anyway, at least around us parents. My x told me earlier this year that d was resentful of the anti-bob and I guess that was sticking in my mind that d may resent this woman. My d is also very much like her mother, if she isn't having fun, then no one is. I have to admit that she was well behaved and did speak with the others and she didn't even ask when we were going home once. I knew my s would be okay because there two boys there, plus his friend came up and they also have a trampoline.<BR>As for the 13 yos, well, never mind.

R - I would have possibly done the picnic but I would have said it was at a friend's house and left out reference to date. My children met the man I am dating after we had 4 or 5 dates. I simply said he was a friend. We behaved simply as friends. No hugs, kisses, only a brief minute "alone" beside my car after I had the children in the car. This happened at a local coffee house where he and a friend were playing. <P>A few weeks ago, son and I had terrible fight right before children left to go to x's. The night they came back I planned an indoor cookout (fireplaces come in handy in summertime - no mosquitos) because I wanted something to excite children. I invited this same friend.<P>I don't know that I've told them that I'm dating this guy. And why should I when I don't have any idea where it is going. X is supposedly getting married next month so the concept of a dating parent will not shock them. I just don't want it to freak them out too if we stop dating and someone else comes along. <P>Dating sure was easier before we got married.

Bob,<P>reference my last post for age appropriate thought. D will think you are going out after one date, because that is the way that age thinks of it. My background is solid for that reference point, my STBX and I ran a boarding school dormitory for girls for 10 years. plus she has been teaching them, etc for 20 years. The concept is age appropriate, it changes as they get older with experience. (I see you need it also )<P>Cinderella handled it the way I would.<P>and don't discuss dating with your children, they are way too young to comprehend it.<P>thl

thl,<BR>I didn't call it a date, I just told them I we were invited to a friend's house for a picnic. The only problem is that this is not a regular "friend" of mine that they know.<P>I think the kids make their own inferrences. <BR>When my x called this morning and asked my son where he was last night when she couldn't reach us, he just told her we were out. She must have questioned a little because he told her just out 3 times. Usually he would tell her where we were.<P>I don't plan on doing this on any regular basis(mixing her kids and mine) so it may not be a problem.<P>Thanks for all your input!<P>Bob<BR>