Me and my W divorce is now finall and I have lost all hope of her ever loving me again. I have been on an anti-depressent for a few weeks but I still feel like being dead most of the time.<P>My ex said that would continue to fo things together, talk, maybe even date. But we have gone the exact opposite way. She never wants to talk or even spend time with me. I have lost all hope and have contimplated suicide several times. <P>I am in love with her and no matter how many letters of flowers I give she just seems to ignore me more. I had stopped drinking because it caused the problems that resulted in our divorce, but lately I have drank a few times finding the only source of solitude that I have.<P>I don't know if anyone can help me but any suggestions wouldn't hurt.

Hey maxx,<P>If you're feeling like being dead, just remember that suicide is final. There's no second chance. And if a suicide attempt is unsuccessful, you could end up in some hospital ward with a stroke, not able to care for yourself, or crippled or maimed. Not too appealing to win back your ex. <P>Do your best to stay healthy and as sexy as you are! <P>Can you get counseling? Are you in AA? Reach out and get some help somewhere. If this talk about suicide is just emoting, don't allow yourself to dwell too much on it.<P>Get professional help. Think about the kids. A child whose parent offs himself is more likely to feel permission to do likewise when the problems come in their lives. Is that a gift you want to leave your kids?<P>I understand the feelings. Most of us have been where you are. What you want is for the pain to stop. It isn't loss of your life. It's just awful pain.<P>Now, as far as your wife not wanting to be with you because of the drinking: Who can blame her? Living with an alcoholic is hell. <P>Being depressed and hurting isn't going to bring her back to you. Staying sober and working on yourself day by day, an hour at a time, might. No promise, but it might. Being drunk and depressed will definitely push her further away. <P>Go and read Plan A. Even if your wife doesn't reconcile with you, taking care of yourself is just a smart thing to do.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Maxx,<P>Hang in there guy. Take some time to read through the posts here on this board - there are a lot of good people here and chances are you may find a few that have been where you are, or are currently going through the same.<P>Not sure if you have religion in your life, but it may be worth considering. I am only 29 yrs old and far from being a saint (for sure!), but when my wife left 6 months ago, I went to the only person that could help - God. We were together for over 8 years - she was/is my best friend. While she talks of divorce, I still retain hope. How? Through faith. I believe that if you put your faith in God's hands you will not be disappointed. You may not get what you want when you want it, but you will get what you need from Him.<P>While I don't have a "drinking" problem, I have gone out with friends and have gotten drunk over the past few months. What I have learned is that I often feel worse the days after. Sure it helps to forget your problems, but it is only a temporary fix.<P>Something else to remember with anti-depressens: Many of them take a few weeks to "kick in". Give it some time to take effect. And by the way, drinking is one of the worst things you can do while on the medication - it often "swings" you in the opposite direction.<P>Take this time to focus on yourself and in bettering yourself. And retain hope. Don't wait on your wife - do things that make you happy - keep busy. But do focus on making yourself a better person. Remember that your wife will never want to come back if she thinks you have not changed or there is the possibility you will revert back to your "old self".<P>God still wants the two of you together, but he may be giving you both a "time-out" to work on yourselves. Use it well.<P>And remember that you never know the time and place when the tide will turn.<P>Always have faith you WILL get through this.<P>God Bless.