My W of 12 years filed for D 2 months ago. The biggest reason we couldn't mediate was that she wanted to relocate with 4 yr. old D 180 miles from our current home (also out of state, by the way). She is unyielding on this. She filed D because she ran into a HS flame last year and they got hot and heavy, although she'll say that's not the reason.<P>She filed motion to move out of state, I filed cross motion and we're going back and forth with certifications. The only thing is, her's are full of lies and mine speak the truth. The only truthful (half truth) I've seen from her end so far is an admission that she "recently got involved with a romantic interest with an old friend". This is the first admission about her A I've gotten, and I had to have it faxed to me from my attorney!!<P>Is this par for the course, and do judges see through the BS and frown in any way on the WS? Do they know who's lying and who's honest?<P>This is very important as my future with my daughter is at stake.

Wow...<P>Incredible similarity...<P>My W (of 12 years)...<BR>File for divorce 2 weeks after D-day...<BR>Wanted to move kids 85 miles out-of-state...<P>(I don't know about your state...<BR>...but mine frowns on this <B>very</B> much...<BR>...unless employment opportunity is <B>great</B>...)<P>Provide as much documentation of the affair...<BR>Exposure of OM to children...<BR>OM "facts" (if they a favorable to you)...<P>And even more important...<BR>"Consistancy" of schooling for your d...<BR>Importance of friendships of your d...<BR>Closeness to family...<BR>Whatever!<P>Judges vary in terms of how much effort they put in...<P>I hope your's looks closely!<P>Is custody of your d an issue?<P> <P>Jim

Wow Jim!! We must be living in parallel universes. Yes, I have filed a cross motion to gain primary custody of D with shared arrangement hoping that the fall back from this will be that D stays in my state (NJ).<P>The only grace God has bestowed on me through this whole ordeal is that she filed for D about 5 minutes before I was faxed our long distance bills that were conveniently being sent to her girlfriends house. I had no knowledge of A before that and suffered through 4 months of marriage counselling feeeling there was a missing piece to the puzzle. W even had the nerve to have her parents come to our home to take care of D while I worked and she was in Florida with girlfriend at OM's winter abode. Her parents still don't know about this.<P>I would love for nothing more to have prime custody of my D. It's going to get expensive though.<P>What's your current status with custody and moving?<P>What do you mean by exposure of OM to children?<p>[This message has been edited by catamount82 (edited September 05, 2000).]

My W moved out to be with OM 1 year and 1 week ago!<P>She couldn't stand the "living arrangements" any more....<BR>...both in the same house from April 1999 through August 1999 (April 7th, 1999 was D-day)<BR>...I was sleeping on a mattress in the living room<BR>...she had the bedroom (with a lock she put on it!)<P>In any case...<BR>By moving out... she basically gave up custody...<BR>She is asking only for "joint custody"....<BR>And "every other weekend" visitation + 2 weeks during the summer...<BR>...so far she's only seen the kids 13 <B>days</B> in the last seven months... + a seven day "extended pareting time" vacation.<P>She clearly doesn't want them around...<BR>...her life is too <B>good</B>... with just OM.<P>I was very lucky to be giving the advice of <B>not moving out</B>!<P>About the "exposure"...<BR>...while she was living home...<BR>...my W planned a vacation with my kids and OM and his kids...<BR>...I got a restraining order to keep OM away from my kids on any "overnights"...<BR>...(kid's could get confused)...<BR>...It stuck for about 6 months...<BR>...but since she moved out...<BR>...the judge later lifted the restraining order on the "overnights"... purely because we weren't living together anymore...<BR>......it had <B>nothing</B> to do with "moral" considerations!!!<P>Expensive...<BR>...you bet... I've spent over $15,000...<BR>...she... at least $9,000...<BR>......all because she will not speak to me about anything!<P>Everything... has to go through the lawyers...<BR>...and in NJ... you pay more than a pretty penny!!!<BR>...and our only major issue is saving college money from my 401K!<BR>...I want to have it reserved...<BR>......she wants it now... and will just blow it!!! (she done it before!)<P>My W will do no mediation...<BR>...she claimed every mediator will side with me!<P>I hope you have a good attorney!<P>If you want to exchange notes...<BR>...you can reach me at imherczeg@ivillage.com !<P> <P>Jim