I once again spoke with my wife last night about trying to work things out. She again said it is to late!<P>I am still very much in love with her much like the steadfast tin soldier held to his hope that he would see the paper ballerina again!<P>I have hope that somewhere down the road she will see something in me and choose to become reinvolved. I know that the chance are slim but we really do have a lot in common, not to mention the kids!<P>When do I accept reality?<P>------------------<BR>

Reality is what you make of it. Sure she may think she has made up her mind, but you can never be sure. But don't let her decision sway your thinking or your beliefs. There are not too many people out there without the conviction to work for their marriage. Be one of the few - fight for the institution, fight for your marriage. When she goes for blood with her comments, protect yourself with love. <P>I used to feel that my back was against the ropes and I was ready to throw in the towel when I realized it was not what "I" wanted to do. Since then my stance has been to stand for what I believe in. I believe in marriage and in our love. Sure I messed up in the past, but so has she. But that is the past. I look and dream of the future, a future with her. What if she divorces me? Well then that may be the time I decide I did all I could, but until then I intend to "fight the good fight".<P>If things work out with your wife - great! But if they don't, think how better you will feel about yourself knowing that you stood up for what you believe. And if you are genuine in your belief and approach to her, then she will suffer the consequences of living with her actions.

HO1,<P>Wow, I just read that story to my d...<P>Remember the ending...The both get burned up in the fire...<P>Two truths of life are you can't tell people who to love and how to spend there money...<P>Acceptance is tricky...<P>For me if I have to find acceptance it is too late, it has already happened...<P>That being said.....How well have attempted <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A><P>reread it and also the part on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A><P>Plan A is committing <B>ZERO</B> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> and creating a safe place for the WS to be...<P>If it fails...Go to plan b...before Plan B you must have successfully maintained Plan A for some time...<P>If you do both of these you can know in your heart you did all you could and the D will be less painful...<P>Bill

Omaha,<BR>I used to feel the same as SoTired, in fact I still do. I love my wife dearly and I believe in the institution of marriage, and there is nothing I wouldn't do to get her back, but my stbx made it very clear that she no longer wants any part of me because her love for me no longer exists. I too felt I would "fight the good fight" so to speak, but the more I did the further away it pushed her. Flowers, e-mails, romantic cd's, invitations to dinner, etc. etc.. they were all met with hostile words that came quite easily to her. I did this after maintaining a plan A for about 6 weeks, that's when I saw a poster in my daughters karate class that stated you have to fight for what you want, you can't give up, if it's worth having it's worth fighting for. That's when I felt it was right and began my campaign to try and win her back all to no avail. I think she dislikes me more than ever now and doesn't think twice about saying things that are hurtful. I'm beginning to truly wonder if this woman ever loved me like she claimed she did? I'm firmly in a plan B now and have been for about four weeks, I think it makes her happy not hearing from me except when it concerns our daughter and it saves me the pain of hearing her abuse. Papers where filed, mediation was held, assests were divided, it's all up to the judge now just to sign the papers.<BR> Your wife may be different, but if she left you, she had her reasons even if they don't make a hell of a lot of sense to you. What I'm saying is be careful you can over do it. Right now your hands are tied you can't force the issue, she has to make the first move and if it is going to happen it will, in the mean time take care of yourself. Jax