Asking for your thoughts...<P>I was lucky enough to have gotten an amazing mother-in-law with my wife. She was/is so inspirational in her faith and how she leads her daily life. Unfortunately, things between me and her also changed when my wife left. We used to have long talks about nothing - I would stop by just to say "hi". Now I hear nothing from her. I send cards every now and then, but never get a response back.<P>My father-in-law on the other hand, is an attorney, and while he is a good man, he has always tried to mettle in our marriage.<P>I have written a long letter to my mother-in-law and am debating on whether to send it or not. In it I am not trying to get her on my side or anything like that. I guess I just want her to know why I believe so strongly in my marriage and why I continue to fight for it. <P>When my wife left, she left angrily. I believe that she probably went home and vented for a couple weeks to her parents (thats what they are there for, right?). Now I fear that they believed everything she said - my wife was not making a lot of sense when she left. The anger had complete control over her.<P>What I can't understand is that my mother-in-law teaches bible study - she goes to church every week and is very religious. She never did believe in divorce, now she seems to be supporting her daughter 100%. My marriage was not a violent or "bad" one - many of our problems stemmed from "love busters" and from not learning how to show our love effectively for each other. By far, nothing that can not be "fixed".<P>The letter gives a brief overview of what went on "behind closed doors" at our home. It does not attack anyone - It mostly explains why I keep showing my love for my wife - Why I won't just give in and go file for a divorce. It tells of what I believe in and what I hope for.<P>The last issue is that I feel very strongly that my father-in-law is pushing my wife to get this whole thing over and done with. No offense to attorney's, but that is what they do, right? I believe just like a doctor has to become somewhat 'numb'(for lack of a better word) to the emotions of his critically ill patients (so the doctor can keep a sense of separation), attorney's often overlook the fact that a divorce is not just a "black and white" thing - that there are emotions and feelings involved with it as well.<P>In the letter I ever so nicely asked him to back-off a little. That there is no reason to "rush" into this divorce.<P>What do you all think? Send it? Yes/No?

So Tired, <P>No matter what, your parents in-law, will support your daughter. That is their role - and if your MIL is as good as you say, she is most likely remaining as impartial as she can - if she is like my mother, she just listened to me (I only needed a release, I never wanted opinions), balancing carefully on the fence, never offering an opinion.<P>My parents were wise - they knew to stay out of it- either way - if we got back together, they could continue as usual, like nothing ever happened, and if we didn't, they didn't have any fear that they influenced such a life altering decision. <P>My opinion, is don't involve them at all, a well-intentioned letter may be misconstrued, or something may escalate. Certainly you don't need any more problems.<P>And one other thought for not sending the letter - if your wife DIDN'T tell them details (she may not have, you know) she may get pretty darn upset with your spilling the beans of "behind door stuff" to her parents...<P>

SoTired,<P> If your FIL is an attorney,I'd be REAL careful what you send in writing.<BR>She has already turned them against you(like my stbx did),and there is nothing you can say now that'll change that.They will believe what their D tells them.I wouldn't give them anything in writing to use against you,maybe even in a court of law.<BR>Think real hard about this.<P> ~~Murph/BeenThere