After 10 months since initial d-day and him returning to OW in January with second d-day in April, I have decided to divorce my husband. He continued to place himself in an area where she could find him and talk to him. After 4 months of telling him that I couldn't stand it and it made each Monday (and the weekends) murder. He ignored my requests and continued to be there. She even talked around that she got to see him each week, that he was angry that she went on vacation and that they were getting back together. I know he doesn't want her, she's really a bad, bad person but I think his ego wants her to chase him. She sends cards, voice mails, and calls here hanging up. Last Monday my H told me he wasn't going there, that it was over and no reason for him to be there. Well, of course he did-his excuse was to tell them he gave up that account and wouldn't be back. A phone call could have done the same thing. I blew up and he got drunk-police called, ambulance took him to the hospital, yadda, yadda, yadda. The hospital called me to come and get him in the night-can you believe it? I did, he jumped out of the car as he realized I was letting him off at her house, and spent 2 1/2 hours walking home while dead drunk in the middle of the night. I've had it! I called my attorney and I'm getting a divorce. I have forgiven and forgiven and forgiven yet my feelings are never taken into consideration by him. It's time to move on. Of course he is in denial. He thinks I'll get over this (drinking) as I have dozens and dozens of times in the past. First A but drinking has gone on for years. <P>My question is this-he's in denial-have any spouses done this when you decided to divorce? Did they ever come around to reality? How should I handle his denial? <P>Last night he told me friends of his wanted to go to church with us. He told them this weekend wasn't a good weekend. He thinks this will blow over by next weekend. I told him they could come to church with him. He doesn't want them to see that our daughter and me not sitting with him. This man knows we have marital problems but doesn't know about the drinking or the affair. He thinks my H is a fine Christian man with a few marital problems. My H is a nice man-when things go his way, when I am his door mat, when he gets to go where he wants to go when he wants to go with no questions from me. I am a college educated, intelligent woman whose self esteem is so very low. I've been a stay at home mom for 14 years and have been so depressed that I now look terrible. I'm losing weight, went and bought new clothes, had new hair style, and have interviewed for jobs. I'm moving on. By the way-I've also been recently diagnosed with a very rare and horrible disease-I may lose my sight, hearing (gone in one ear), and ability to walk. This disease affects the brain and brain lining, eyes, skin, and hearing. All this and his concern is this piece of trash chasing him for an ego stroke. I'm sorry I'm venting. I'm really a nice person-a Christian-but I'm having a bad morning.

You know, AM Hurt, after reading the way this OW has pursued your H, I'm wondering why we don't have some sort of law to better protect marriages from brazen bimbos like that (or their male counterparts). No offense to the betrayers on this board. But there ought to be a law! We ought to be able to slap those wenches in jail and fine them up the yingyang for interference in that which is sacred.<P>Marriages are created under the laws of the states in which they take place, not to mention the laws of God. Adultery used to be a crime, why isn't it anymore (at least in most states that I know of)? Or if it is on the books, it's rarely enforced.<P>I'm not a big fan of having more laws on the books, but why can't marriages be better protected? And this "no-fault" crap makes me sick. It so easy for people to just give up and say they want out. Marriage is far more important than that and it makes it so the one who "just wants out" doesn't have to even be accountable to the other. It's not right.<P>Sorry, AM, I just got off on a tangent there, but it makes me see red.<P>As far as denial, yes, I think it is very common among WS when they are in the "fog". If you read some of the success stories around here, you will see that in some cases they do come out of it. But, it takes time, patience, perseverence and the knowledge that there are NO guarantees that your H will "snap out of it." <P>Since you are Christians -- pray, pray, pray! God wants your marriage to stay together, but He needs time to work in your lives. Examine what he is teaching *you* and allow Him to work with your H. I have learned there is nothing I can do without God's divine intervention. Trust Him, have faith and keep praying.<P>Love and prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

Kristy Ann-what a nice post. Yes prayer is the answer but I'm having a hard time talking to God right now. I know I'm in His care and that He will never forsake me. I have so many people praying for us and I know the Holy Spirit is intervening for me when I can't come up with the words to say to God. I just know it's time to move on. My H has never hit me but came very close the other night. <P>I agree that I wish there were laws to protect marriages from bimbos and players. In my state, my attorney tells me we can't sure OW/OM for damage done because of the affair. Some states allow it. The thing about it is we can't legislate morality. It has to come from the heart and from a willingness to please God. He sets the standard for behavior. He warns us the consequences but somehow we don't seem to listen to Him or really believe what we're doing will be so destructive. It's the "it won't happen to me, it only happens to the other guy" syndrome. One my H likes to use "well it you didn't do such and such then I wouldn't have done this"-classic. Remember Adam in the garden of Eden blamed Eve for eating the apple. The original excuse.<P>Marriage is sacred but only to those who hold it as sacred. Manure is precious to the farmer but I sure don't want it. My H has been warned and warned that he was playing with fire but he chose to not believe it. Now he's lost his only family...yes my dau and I are it. It's sad but he has no one to blame but himself.