W is 42, me 40, married 12 years.<P>January 2000, W goes with GF to FL, comes home looking very withdrawn, acting indifferently, very sullen...<P>In March 2000, W tells me she's been seeing psychologist since October 1999...<P>Started in marriage counselling in March 2000 with W's therapist (big mistake!)<P>First 3 counselling sessions make it look like a piece of cake...<P>4th session "I love you but I'm not in Love with You!"..(among others)<P>5th session "We need to separate, let's sell the house and I (W) will move back to my hometown."<P>We don't sell house...I move out to Dad's place. 2 days later, W asks, "what's your time frame?"<P>We give it 4 more weeks...then wife announces at therapy..."It's over." this is May 2000.<P>From this point on, nothing but pressure from wife to let her move to her hometown with our 4 year old daughter.<P>June 21,2000...D-Day...Call phone # on our bill....voice mail of "Rick" (same area code as wifes hometown)<P>Look for old bills...can't find...have them faxed to me...lots of calls to FL...bills being sent to GF's address...Find out Rick is old HS flame, lives in FL in winter and in W's hometown other 8 months of year...<P>June 22, 2000, W files for D<P>August 15, 2000...W files motion to move to her hometown with D.<P>August 28, W returns from weekend with "Rick" wearing ankle bracelet with 2 hearts on it.<P>September 8, 2000, order from judge allowing W to move to hometown w/ our daughter.<P><BR>FINALLY, THE BIG QUESTION...W SAYS THAT THE DEMISE OF OUR MARRIAGE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH "RICK". IS SHE FULL OF S***? DO I HAVE MY HEAD IN THE SAND??<P>MARRIAGE WAS PRIMO UP UNTIL ABOUT END OF 1999 (BETTER THAN EVER IMHO).<P>IS OM THE REASON? OPINIONS PLEASE.<P><p>[This message has been edited by catamount82 (edited September 09, 2000).]

Its too easy to pin the blame on the OM.<P>your wife may not have been honest with you in her words and actions, that is why you thought the marriage was great.<P>she may have burned out, without you knowing about it, but without her telling you either.<P>thl

thl,<P>My W (I hate to be so cliche) worshiped the ground I walked on. The adulations were constant, notes were put in my lunch, and she sometimes said that I was the one who kept things bottled up.<P>If she felt I kept things bottled up, why would she keep something so immense as "burning out" bottled up?<P>I know her job was becoming mundane or worse. I had taken new job in June 1999 for $30k a year more money. She was (in her words), "so proud of you," "Our hero!!!".<P>Is there something wrong with a woman with a 3 year old (at the time), going from expressing supreme adulations to what I'm dealing with now?<P>I guess I'm looking for closure which means coming to grips with why she's doing what she's doing.<P>A 42 year old woman going head over heals for her HS flame after no contact for 15+ years is mind-boggling to a sincere hard working guy like myself. She is hard working as well!<P>Does it have to do with up-bringing and morals? Pursuit of conviction and commitment?<P>Is it a sign of weakness, insecurity? My W is a real fireball, constantly optimistic, always projecting herself as a rock of confidence with what she does and thinks, and always looking for "one more object" to fill whatever void she has within.<P>By the way, for all you astrolgy folks, she's a red head Sagittarius, I'm a typical Cancer.<P>Fire and Water.

I know somewhat where you are coming from, my wife just told me last week it was over. After 18 years of knowing each other and 2 times married for a total of 9 years with 2 kids, she all of a sudden has connected with OM who is filling her emonital needs. She won't try to fix the marriage but said I thought you were just as depressed as I was. I am here with the two kids and she is living ina hotel working out her feelings. Well going out and drinking and partying is not working out your problems but avoiding them. I am confussed also but after a few days of clear thinking I know it is for the best that we split for good. It hurts alot and noone wants to be rejected but I think this time it is my time to move on. Good luck and don't try to get even by doing something stupid.

Cat,<P>A red head Sagitarian? Me too...<P>Is it possible that she was trying to get your attention w/all of the notes, praise, etc? Did you respond in kind? I did the same with my X...but very, very rarely did I ever get a compliment. Everyone needs an ego boost once in a while. I started to wonder why I was working so hard at making him feel good about himself when there was no reciprocation. <P>Don't get me wrong, I <B>wanted</B> him to feel good about himself and the way I tried to treat him. I'm just saying that it gets old after a while...you can't be a cheerleader forever.

WhenIfindthetime:<P>Yes, burnout is a real possibility. But why didn't she tell me something sooner? Prior to getting married and the first 5 years of the marriage, she cringed whenever we were out somewhere and a baby made a fuss. All of sudden, she said she wanted one of her own. I can't say that being a mother is her passion in life right now, the only time that she will be a parent of a young child (she had a tubal just before her 40th B-day).<P>RCoaster:<P>I complimented her, but not as much as with notes and "sweet phrases" (although I did that too). I did it every day by being active in the household, often complimenting her on her appearance (she had lost lots of weight after turning 40, and yes a MLC was happening), being a superb parent, and pretty much allowing her to get all the "objects" she desired. And yes, she was the cheerleader. You can't have 2 cheerleaders like her, otherwise it could become a competition.<P>She said I was the same man she married, she changed. She became more focused on herself than our family.