My husband has always been a fitness fanatic. I am now much more aware of my health after my cancer but was not much of a fitness buff before that. That was always his thing, running and biking and going to the gym all his life, even before it was fashionable. Also he just looks very young for his age. Most people think he is 10-15 years younger then he is. We were at a family function a few months ago and he is the oldest in his family. There were some people there that we had never met and they all thought he was the youngest in the family! I shouldn't have let this bother me or make me angry but it did! I told him on the way home that it is unfair that men age so much better then women. Don't you think this is true? Since all this happened or rather since I found out about it, I became obsessed with looking at pictures of us over the past 8 years, always thinking that when we were here he snuck off to call HER or when we came home from there he left and went on a trip with HER. But also I can see that I do look much older then my husband. I know I must look like HER mother because she is very youthful looking and of course very fit. For years he was taking off every saturday or Sunday and leaving me alone for the day supposedly with the guys, stupid me, to run or participate in long bike rides. Well guess what, he was doing this with HER. And they still are doing this sort of thing together all the time. I have never had the stamina to do those sorts of things even before my illness. I have made a complete recovery and am actually in better shape now then I probably was for a long time. When I found out about HER I lost about 35 pounds in 2 months which I very much needed to lose. I have gained back about 10 but it is still an improvement. But still when I look at those pictures, I see I must look to other people so much older then him. I know that shouldn't matter in a loving marriage but then Harley says that an attractive spouse can be a very important need and I think it must be to him. He is not a vain person in that he doesn't fuss about his appearance or clothes or stand in front of the mirror, not at all! He just loves fitness and he just has always had alot of vitality. I feel that people who see us together must say what is that attractive middle aged man doing with that old woman? Does anyone else feel this way? Do men whose wives cheat ever feel this way that their wives are more attractive then them?

My wife didn't cheat and she is 6 years younger than me. Right now I don't feel that I look very good eventhough I am told that I am handsome.<P>I think my wife looks greatfor people our age, I am 45 and she is 39. I have always felt that we are what we are and that hopefully we will age gracefully. How I feel about my self is a direct reflection on how I feel I look.<P>Best wishes, I will pray for you and remember you are one of GODS children and GOD doesn't make junk!

I do agree with you that certain things that make an older man more "sexy" are the same things that older women try to cover up. Grey hair on an older man is "sexy", I know I'll continue to color my hair blond and when I do get grey hairs I'll cover them. But, I've also talked with some single men in their 50's and they are looking for women their age, not the young one's. They find the maturity of women their own age very attractive. In regards to my husband and I, I would say we are about the same as far as physical fitness. Both are in our normal weight range and we both exercise but not overly. I use to go to the gym and work out but my husband isn't into the gym scene. Finding something we can do together was important to me. So now we go for walks after dinner or maybe a bike ride. Enough to keep us in shape but we aren't fitness buffs. I know one of my husband's needs is an attractive wife but that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to age. To my advantage, I am petite and that tends to make me look a bit younger then my 37 years. You can be an attractive person in your 20's, 30's 40's etc.. and I don't thing that most men compare their 40 year old wives with 20 year old women. Each are beautiful in their own age group.

Hey,<P>I was just toying with the idea that if I were to get married again, I would go for a much younger man! Like Mrs Robinson. A relative actually is going to marry a man in his 20s to her 40s. <P>The family thought it was a good idea because her sickly husband passed away and she was blamed by his parents?! <P>She had spent a great part of her life looking after him and waiting on him hand and foot. Now the younger man is of the Generation X type and he chips in.<P>As to your question whether a spouse cares about the difference in age, it really depends on:<P>his outlook<BR>his strength of character (to take the asides on the looks gap)<BR>what was important in the marriage<P>Personally, I feel it is all very individual, and that each WS has its own reason for the affair.<P>I would hope that if it makes you feel good to look good, you should go for it and look ravishing for yourself. My H strayed for 2 years (complicated twisted affair like fatal attraction that started on a pissed drunk night and ended when the banshee knived my WS and landed in jail for some nights). I was a cover girl magazine fashion model and the chinless wonder, well my WS said could not hold a candle to me miles away.<P><BR>It could be true that your description that you looked much older to your H's young and vital self was a reason for his affair. But as you can see from my story, sometimes it is impossible to really understand. <P>But that is not going to stop me from busting my butt and keep in shape and be vital and youthful and radiant -when I start weaning off from this MB site! <P>Go out there and enjoy the full life because life is short and you deserve to get over the grieve soon.<P>God Bless and LOves you<BR>Take care<BR>weep<BR>

flood activated, auto double posted<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited September 13, 2000).]

Discarded,<BR>My x left me for an older man. He is 3-4 yrs older but he looks like he is about 10-15. I guess he is quite the conversationalist.<P>Hang in there,<P>Bob

Hi D,<P> I feel like I'm all over your threads!.....anyway, one thing that helped my self esteem ENORMOUSLY was weight lifting....yeah, I look my age but I am stronger and in better shape than when I was in my 20's. <P> There is something about becoming stronger that makes you feel mentally stronger....check out <A HREF="http://www.strongwomen.com" TARGET=_blank>www.strongwomen.com</A> (especially for middle aged women )...the stories there are inspirational ....LU<P>RWD, you crack me up!!!......LU<p>[This message has been edited by Lu (edited September 14, 2000).]