Last night while at home doing domestic chores my wife asked me how I was doing and I told her I was in a bad way and that it would be better if I didn't talk about it.<P>Of course I am talking about very strong feelings of sexual desire. Of course there is no relief for these desires. I went out to ride bike for about 45 minutes and that helped some. I then came home only to have the thoughts and desires return.<P>At 9:30 last night I left the house with the thought that I would go to an adult book store and watch a video. Will I felt very bad about this and turned the car around. I then went and bought some Ben and Jerrys Ice Cream (pint) and went home.<P>I shared some with my wife and then took two Tylenol PMs and went to bed. I don't know how to deal with these desires. It is like I am 18 again and I have not had sex for some three months it is driving me nuts.<P>Help! Any suggestions? I know it will pass or eventually I will have a wet dream but this is nuts!

Is masturbation against your beliefs? If you are just talking about sexual release, than that should take care of it. If you're talking about all of the other things that go with sex between two loving people (i.e. touching, closeness, intimacy), then I don't know what to tell you. During the time I was going through the worst of the withdrawals I would remember all of the hugs I used to get from my grandparents, I got lots of hugs from my friends and family. I know it is not the same, but it gave me the sense of being loved without the pain of thinking about my ex. It has been over a year since I've had sex. Before this time in my life, the longest I'd gone without was maybe a few months.

I am talking about both I guess, certainly masturbation works for relief but I really want the whole thing. I am around her everyday and the feelings just don't go away.<P>I really want to show her my love!<P>This is all very frustrating!<P>

Dr. Harley says that one of men's most important emotional needs is for sex. Alot of times, women don't understand that sex can be a man's primary way to express love and caring. Alot of times we end up feeling used if men just come at us with just sex on the brain and aren't following up with things that are important to women, which tend to take the form of non-sexual touching. <P>Don't get me wrong, sex (in the way you are probably thinking) was very important to me too when I was married. This was an area my ex and I never had a problem with. It wasn't a problem probably because my ex was always very affectionate outside of the bedroom, and I had no problems with doing a variety of non-intercourse specific activities (if you get my drift ) for those times I was tired or not 100% in the mood. He said he always felt taken care of.<P>If the majority of your affectionate expression in the past was mainly devoted to pre-sex, you might have a hard time convincing her that "could I have a hug?" means just that. It is important for women to have affection that is not always leading up to sex. Shoot, even holding her hand, stroking her hair, putting your arm around her would be nice things. I know you will be *hoping* it will lead to more, but those things are a good start (IMO), and will let her know that you care about her in more than a "gotta stick it somewhere, and I want it to be you" kinda way.

I would just like some affection but she has distanced hee self so far that that is not even available.<P>It is driving me nuts I just want affection!

She asked you how you were doing (a good sign) and you two shared Ben & Jerry's (another good sign). Could you start with holding hands? What about a deep meaningful look? Remember how it was when you were in high school and everyone was terrified of the opposite sex (heck, I still feel that way ). Little things do matter!!! Don't discount them. I see alot of hope there.

Thanks for the feedback, I am glad someone sees hope. With only one month left until the papers are signed and 5 months until the divorce is finale.<P>I sometimes lose hope! She is such a beautiful woman, she is not without fault but I really want to work out the marriage!