Hi friends,<P>This past month has been one thing after another starting with my daughter being sick, right on thru to this.<P>I will be signing my papers tomorrow at 9. Apparently the Judge is asking this get hurried along, and is upset. (HE"S UPSET??) <P>As far as I know, I go in and sign this tomorrow, and then, my attorney sends it off to the judge. It normally takes a week for him to sign, however, he wants it signed as it arrives and then it goes for filing. Which will take a week. I should be divorced by the last week of September . <P>Nine months from Xmas, yet 7 long months of this being dragged out. <P>The good thing is, this is the first milestone of the divorce NOT on something like a holiday. If there are any delays, a two week delay, it will wind up near my wedding anniversary, Oct. 10.<P>Although, I wonder how EX will feel. His sister, who I was terribly close to, died on Sept. 30 in a horrible car accident 8 years ago. He grieves terribly as do I during this time, and I think this is going to get difficult.<P>Feeling kind of scared, and kind of confused at the moment, and I really just wish this day were over so I could sleep.<P>Then I think...you think YOUR going to SLEEP tonite??? Ya right! <P>Prayers and hugs, Dana<BR>

DanaB, my prayers are with you. My divorce is up Monday but H wanted me to drop divorce so we could reconcile. I offered postponing(in hopes he'll get counseling) it instead with temp orders (that were never given initially). I haven't heard from him and don't know what his next step will be. Will I be divorced or still hanging on? Hope everything goes ok for you! I thought once you signed papers that was it. What state are you in? I'm in Texas and I don't know what to expect.

{{{{{{{{{{DanaB}}}}}}}}}},<P>I feel very bad for you...<BR>...I know that Divorce Day's are so tough.<P>I'll be joining your ranks on your anniversary day... Oct. 10th.<P>I'll be praying for you.<P> <P>Jim

Dana, <P>Girl, you will be ok!! It will be a difficult day, but you will emerage a stronger person, ready to face life in a new way. <BR>None of us want to be here, but we are. Now is the time to make our life all we want it to be!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Dana - I know it will be tough but you can do this. I finally came to anticipate it because it meant I could go on to the next stage of healing. I couldn't finish doing that till I had survived the big D Day.<P>We were still hammering things out in the hallway right before we went in to courtroom. It took all of ten minutes in there. As my attorney read over her notes (we were on the docket as a contested case) everyone started laughing at the settlement. The biggest thing we fought over in terms of property were Christmas decorations which he said he didn't want when he left home but then he changed his mind. Oh well.<P>I never wanted the divorce but by the time he had moved out, I knew I didn't want the man I was married to. Haven't wanted him since. If he were well it might be a different story. But he isn't so that is not an option. Anyway he's getting married next month. Don't guess it matters whether he gets well or not - except for my/his children's sake.

I've read many a post where you've given encouragement and support to others including myself. At a time when you need us, rest assured we'll be here for you as well offering our support to you as you did for us. I too will be joining the ranks of the soon to be divorced, and I can literally feel your pain as well. Best hopes go with you and chin up, things can only get better from here. Good luck tomorrow, and remember you know where to come if you need to vent. Jax.

Dana - I know it will be tough but you can do this. I finally came to anticipate it because it meant I could go on to the next stage of healing. I couldn't finish doing that till I had survived the big D Day.<P>[We were still hammering things out in the hallway right before we went in to courtroom. It took all of ten minutes in there. As my attorney read over her notes (we were on the docket as a contested case) everyone started laughing at the settlement. The biggest thing we fought over in terms of property were Christmas decorations which he said he didn't want when he left home but then he changed his mind. Oh well.]<P>I never wanted the divorce but by the time he had moved out, I knew I didn't want him the way he was. Walking into that courtroom was one of the scariest things I've ever done. But, I do believe I was smiling when I walked out. I had survived.<P>You will, too. I'll be praying for you. By the way, how is TayTay?

Confused Spouse - What do you mean your divorce is up Monday?? That is when its final if you don't sign?? I'm in NY and I believe all the laws are different, but you can get info, I think at <A HREF="http://www.divorcenet.net" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcenet.net</A> by state.<P>Cinderella - Are you ok about him getting remarried?? I think mine will run off and do it to be spiteful.<P>Jim, Sue and Jax - Thank you for the encouragement.<P>After I sent this, I got in a huge argument with STBXH. It started because I am working 2 jobs 60 hours a week, and he is not paying daycare on the first job because I work at home. The second job, he refuses to pay half of the daycare and now he won't give me child support because HE only worked 12 hours this past week. I explained that he has 2 people capable of working in his house, and why am I killing myself over here, if he can't work, then he can take the kids. <P>He only take them every other weekend for 24 hours. He is MORE concerned with tracking me down on my private time when he has the kids and won't take them more to prevent me from having any relationships with other people in the future.<P>He was terrible and I was stressed and told him that he was a deadbeat, lazy , miserable, cheating, (#&^)(#^)$#^@Q)(^)_^$_*^%_%, and hung up. I have NEVER been that verbal, lol. <P>He left a voice mail that now I don't get my child support for hanging up on him. <P>In the end, he will suffer in some way, and I don't wish him harm, but I sure hope he feels the destruction that he's caused.<P>Prayers and hugs, Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>I'm glad I dropped in tonight to see your post. I wish you God's will for your life. I think that's the best prayer I can offer right now.<P>No matter what, you will be okay. You are a strong woman, don't doubt that!!<P>God Bless <P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Dana,<P> Sorry you're having a hard time of it.<BR> Just working 60 hours a week is enough to get you stressed.I don't know how you do it.<BR> <BR>Your H only worked 12 hours last week? <BR> That must be nice work if you can get it!<BR>But I thought he was still responsible for the CS? I guess every state is different.I never heard of refusing CS for hanging up on someone..... <P> The divorce will give you some closure.<BR> Well,at least a green light to move ahead with your life,even if you really didn't want the divorce.I hope this Christmas will be a little better for the both of us.<BR> If you ever want to blow off some steam...murphy46@mail.com.I'm a good listener......<BR> <BR> Hang in there,Dana<P><BR> ~~Murph

Dana,<BR>{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}<BR>You are a strong person and will emerge from this slightly bloodied but even stronger.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

{{{{{{{{Dana}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Don't know what to say....<P>I'll be filing on Oct.*.....<P>I will pray that God gives you the peace you search for.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Dana,<P>I went to the attorney and filled out the papers to file the petition today. I cried all the way home. If all goes well my divorce will be final by the end of October. I know how you feel I don't know for sure if I'm doing the right thing or not. My kids who are all teenagers are supporting this. They don't want to see me hurt anymore. <P>I hope you are doing ok tonight. I'll be thinking about you.<P>Jill

{{{{{{{{{{{Dana}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>It ain't easy, but neither is listening to your stbx telling you that you're not going to get the CS......bluff, bluff, bluff.....that is if he cares at all about your children. Mine said the same thing whenever I did something that irked him. But, you know what? He always pays the $$ and it is always on time. Actually, he still says it sometimes......oh, well....<BR>You know that you will have legal recourse if he doesn't pay the CS. I sure hope that he isn't that much of a deadbeat. (Sorry, I know how hard it is to hear anyone calling your spouse that - it still is)<P>Be prepared for the tears. I tried to keep myself together in front of the judge but I still choked up and had trouble even saying yes to the questions. The biggest problem was having my atty hand me my set of papers and telling me I was now a single woman. Burst into tears at the bottom of the stairway in the middle of the courthouse and then cried on and off the whole drive home. But, <B>I'm okay!</B><P>X is regretting the whole past four years - what, it takes a divorce and his bimbo leaving him in the lurch to finally begin to come out of the fog? Yeah, I guess so.<P>Sorry to vent on your thread, but I know you totally understand. I hope you can take someone with you. I made the mistake of going it alone. It's hard.<P>

{{{{{Dana}}}}}<P>Good thoughts and prayers being sent your way! It will be the start of a new time and the closure issue may grant you some relief.<P>I'm filing as soon as I can get in to see my attorney, so expect to join the ranks of "divorced and didn't want it" soon. <P>Think the advice of taking someone with you might be a good thing. know all of us here will be with you in thought, but a physical friend would be great!<P>Lori

Dana, I will keep you in my prayers> I understand and wish the best for you. I am one month away from signing papers and then four months after that the divorce is final on my 46 birthday!<P>Chin up!

Thank you for all of your kind words to me yesterday. My thoughts are with you today. You have the strength of all of those that you are around going in with you. Take care. -Java

Dana,<P>How did things go? I know it may not seem like it now, but you are one of the strongest women here. You have overcame so much in the past 9 months and will come out shining. <P>Big hugs and lots of love,<BR>Mitzi

Hi friends,<P>THank you all for the support, I really really appreciate it. <P>To Mitzi, thanks for asking. <P>This morning, right before I was leaving my ex called. He asked for the kids. He KNOWS they left for the bus. He KNOWS I know he knows. Yet he calls anyhow.<P>Well just before that call, I was very very nervous and put a coffee mug in the sink and was washing it and somehow I slammed it into my thumb. I cut it so bad I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. THank God for a good friend who was coming by to watch my kids and she helped me clean it up. It is still not stable and I may go in to the hospital later. Where's that Medic when I need him???<P>I left for the lawyers and my attorney hadn't seen me in 3 months. He was furious to hear what has been going on. He told me he wants to file contempt charges, harassment charges and sexual harrassment charges if ex doesn't start treating me better.<P>He also said that ex "putting me down" about leaving the kids with a sitter, to work, go on a date, OR go get drunk as he put it, is still harassment and its none of ex business where I go and why I leave them as long as the kids are safe. <P>He is calling over to ex attorney today and telling him that he won't stand for domestic abuse of any sort. Apparently all the emotional stress and even my physical state due to the stress has been documented and it even stated in my d papers that he is purposely inflicting more cruel and inhuman treatment as the process continues. If anything happens to me from this stress, ex will have a hard time getting the kids as he is the one inflicting this on me. <P>Basically ex is mad that I turned him down a few weeks ago and is going out of his way to hurt me yet again. My lawyer said that he will file contempt charges and drag ex in and out of court if he has to.<P>The judge is disgusted with this. Ex's attorney fired him and everyone is going out of there way for me. <P>So there is a rush and within a week to the very latest, 2 weeks, I will be officially divorced.<P>Lawyer said this is one of the worst, viscious , disrespectful cases he's ever handled and he can't believe I am still standing after it all and with no anti depressants. I WISH I could get some. <P>He seems to believe I am also the strongest spouse he's ever seen to go thru it to, but I certainly don't feel that at all. As a matter of fact, I feel weak, drained and tired all the time. I feel like I could just sleep forever.<P>Laywer thinks I should go into counseling for women of domestic abuse and that it would give me some rewards and help others as well. I have thought about marriage counseling, but never abuse!<P>Its amazing to see, when you take a step back and look from the outside, all you have endured and never even realized it. Its also sad to see every rotten thing done to you in less than a year, documented on paper in order. There were things in there I didn't even remember, and it was 3 months ago. <P>Maybe things can pick up and turn around now. Maybe I can feel some closure. <P>In the meantime, I am very thankful to everyone here and also my friends who really have been the ones to help me the most, and oddly enough ex's family is more supportive than my own. <P>Hugs and Prayers, Dana<BR>

Dana,<P>My heart breaks for you.<P>Thank you for shareing this, lot's of prayers and great big {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} comming your way.<P>Your att. is right on the money about your inner strength. I saw it right from the begging when you started posting here.. You <B>ARE</B> a remarkable woman. As strange as it may sound, You give me strenght.<P>It is an amazing thing how much we can handle in these tough times. I get much solace knowing that I am in the care of God and knowing he won't give me more than I can handle. We all have endured this terrible searing pain over the last year and we are all miracles.<P>Keep walking through this stuff doing the next right thing and all will work out.<P>How is your hand? Stitches?<P>Keep us posted.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{DANA}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Bill