Talked to attorney the other day. Gave him a copy of my final decree and today he has all the filing paperwork drawn up. Tomorrow we see notary and get it signed to petition for my name change. This is one of the scariest things I've done all by myself. What if I'm making a mistake? <P>Don't want his name any more. Don't want maiden name again. I just picked a last name. <P>Thomas - middle name of my son, father, and grandfather. First name of my nephew. My maiden name as my middle name. My first two names, as they appeared on my birth certificate will get a legal hyphen.<P>Is it cool? Or what?<P>Here's the evolution:<BR>Jane Elise Mangrum at birth<BR>Jane M. Johnson at marriage<BR>Jane-Elise M. Johnson a little later, just did it<BR>Jane-Elise M. Thomas legally, just for me<P>Do ya'll think I'm nuts? Tell me this is the right thing to do. After all, my children are ok with this.<BR>

Did I see your picture up at the post office last week??? <P>Of course your not nuts!!! Have fun at motor vehicles, social security, changing all the records at the school and doctor and when your done, DON"T change your name if you marry again! <P>Its only a name right??<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Well, it's done. Judge signed it in her office. I didn't have to go to a hearing. Have the papers in front of me right now. <P>I bet I spend the next year having to deal with changing this and that. Dana, I know it won't be easy but easier than all those questions about "What happened?"<P>The attorney said the happiest things he ever handled were adoptions and that this is one of the next happiest things. I think this is a healing thing for me and that we need to celebrate it when we have our convention/conference/hottub party/shindig!!<P>Frankly, I expected more of a "You go, girl" response.

Cindyrelly,<P><B>You go, girl!!!</B> <P>You did it for the right reasons - and for yourself. Doesn't that feel really weird? To actually do something for yourself once in awhile? We get so caught up in being all the things that other people think we should be that we forget that it's okay to do something for ourselves.....well, at least I do. I'm working on it <P>I didn't change my name, but that's because I <B>like</B> my married name - and because <B>I</B> would feel strange having a different last name than my kids. That was <B>my</B> call, just as this is <B>your</B> call. I'm glad for you that you are excited about it (It's the little things in life, isn't it?)<P>So, your D is final? How are you doing with that? I'm still struggling w/it, but it's only been two weeks.

Claire -- HUGS & KISSES!! Thank you so much for affirming my choice.<P> You're right. This was a change for me. And it felt really wierd to spend that much money on something just for me. The judge asked the attorney, before I got there, why I chose the name I'm now using. He didn't know but, when I told her, she thought it was a wonderful choice and she was so happy to sign the order. I could still be doing a happy dance.<P>My divorce has been final for over 18 months. I just found this sight back in May or June. It would have been more helpful earlieer, but I own no computer so it took me longer to get here. I still have some issues to deal with. A lot of anger. And the child stuff.<P>My children are coool in a positive sense about my changing my name. They don't know yet that it is done. We have talked about it. About the fact that, if you are 18 or older, you can change your name to anything you wish as long as it is not offensive and not intended to mislead or defraud anyone. They realize that a name is simply what people call you. Changing it does not change who you are or who you love or how you act. It just changes the label people use to refer to you.<P>My son has told his dad that I'm going to do it but he thought I was going to change their last names, too, so I had to straighten that out with the son. I've not said a word to the x.<P>Once again. Claire, thank you so much.<P>Dancing around in a happy dance. Dancing. Dancing.

Cinderella,<P>I'm doing a happy dance for you too!!!! Maybe one of these days I can do the same thing!!!!!!!!<P>Mitzi

First of all, thank you for your kind words to my post. Everyone that I have encountered thus far have been really great.<P>Now to the important thing!!! YOU GO GIRL!! Some of the most important things in life are those that you do for yourself, to help you on your own journey to happiness. This sounds like it is a really good thing for you. Cheers to you! Congratulations! -Java

Cinderella,<P>I'm glad it went so well for you!!!!!!!! <P>My ex wants me to GIVE HIM his name back. I told him I'll do what I want with it. I'm not doing it for him, I would do it for me.<P>My youngest is 2 and I have 3 kids, I just assume keep this name for now. Besides, if I marry again someday I'll get a new one.<P>And there will be a someday!.....<P>Prayers,Dana<BR>PS Doesn't it cost money to change the name like that?

People have asked if I did this for myself or to spite him. It's for me. I don't see myself connected to him except through the children. They see my name as what people call me but not something that defines who I am or my love for them. But, as hard as it was to change names when I got married, it seems harder this time.<P>Yes, it costs money to do this. My court and copy fees were about $125. The attorney normally runs $500 or more but this guy is a friend and his wife told him, in front of me, that he should do it for free. It wasn't free but I got a honey of a deal. Basically, I paid for his clerical work on it. I need to do something nice for him sometime.

Wow! I'm wondering about this same thing. My H hasn't filed yet, but he will. I don't want to keep his name (too painful to think about it) and I am such a different person than when I was years ago. I couldn't imagine being "Miss Morris" again. Sounds adolescent. I don't think I could go to the lengths that you did. I'm a teacher and it would be way too confusing. <P>Your name change basically represents the evolution of your spirit and identity. I think it's wonderful. <BR>

People are so strange about names. There is such an under-current of what a name means and so many people seem to feel that one somehow <I>owes</I> one's name to others. This is especially true for women. We are historically not allowed our own identity and that is brought home very forcefully in this way. For a woman to buck the system takes a kind courage and thoughtfulness that tends to crumble under the societal forces that are brought to bear.<P>I have 2 children, both of whom carry a modification of my given name as their surname. I had many reasons for not tagging them with the names of their fathers. I have never regretted it, it has caused no more confusion than if I had married after being widowed or divorced, and they feel that their "siblingness" is recognised and honoured to a degree which wouldn't have been possible any other way.<P>We are each who we are; when we choose a name that reflects the us we know ourselves to be and especially when we make the public proclamation of formally naming ourselves it allows us to be ourselves that much more. <P>You have created for yourself a name which is both meaningful and lyrical. <P>Congratulations, Jane-Elise!<P>------------------<BR>"By honest I don't mean that you only tell what's true. But you make clear the entire situation. You make clear all the information that is required for somebody else who is intelligent to make up their mind." <BR>-- Richard P. Feynman<P>"Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and<BR>you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at<BR>the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all<BR>the time."<BR> - Steven Wright<p>[This message has been edited by dragantraces (edited September 27, 2000).]

The name thing really was a response to the changes in myself. I am not the woman my x married. I am not the woman he wanted to divorce. It really was a way of reclaiming a little more of myself. <P>It will be interesting to see, when he brings the children home and gives me the alimony/child support check, if he read my note and makes the check out to the right person.<P>Years ago I met a woman who went only by her first name - but how many people are named Vikuschka - and I asked her if this was a problem for the bank or post office. I remember her reply, "They really don't care what your name is just."<P>By the way, my son is still ok with this. Bless her heart though, my daughter says she's still mad at me about this. I think she's taking it personally. But I keep reassuring her that it has nothing to do with her.

Hi Cinderella,<BR>That's cool. Keeping my married name was never an option for me. In fact, my ex and I had an argument before we got married. I didn't want to change it his name back then. The only reason I did it was because my maiden name is kind of, well, exotic. <P>I thought of changing it to something totally different, like my mother's maiden name. Kinda like setting the record STRAIGHT way on back. But, my diplomas have my maiden name on them. Yea, I timed it just right. LOL Divorce THEN diplomas. I'm glad all THREE of my "children" (my diplomas) will have the same name now!<P>Any children I have in the future will have my surname. Might even have a Student JR because my first name goes both ways (boy or girl). How wierd would that be?!! or maybe I should call him/her...Student the II, like royalty. ha,ha.

So Cinderella,<P>now you can be a movie star! Sounds very nice. I kept my married name, which was as odd and ethnic as my maiden name and used that as my middle name. So it is a unique Norwegian/Italian combination.<P>But I did give both my boys my maiden name as their middle name.<P>If I had a daughter, I was going to name her my mother's maiden name, then my maiden name as a middle name, and then their father's. Now that would have been the please all combination! <P>

My daughter is named for a woman in Sydney, Australia whom x and I met when we were in a hot air balloon crash in Alice Springs. Gillian pronounced the Aussie way, with a hard G. Her middle name was almost Ruth after my mother but we liked Marie more so she got "stuck" with it. Son is named for both grandfathers - Nathan after x's dad who was named Forrest after Nathan Bedford Forrest and Thomas after my dad and grandfather who had that as their middle name. <P>So the Thomas is where I got my new last name. Bond was the other real choice but Jane-Elise Bond did sound a bit "cheeky".<P>My College diploma is in my maiden name. My technical certificate in photography in my married name. Now I'm using neither. I'm not worried. They all have the same first name. We can cope. How many Jane-Elises are there.<P>It's a great name to sign on custom photographs.

LOL<P>Jane Bond. That is toooo good. THAT will have to be my next alias at bars...

No Way - Honey!!!!!!! <BR> <BR>I thought of it first!!!!!!