Hi! I have never posted to a BBS before, so forgive me, I am kind of new at all of this. A friend of mine has spoken very highly of this site so I thought that I might give it a try. I have been dealing with my situation all alone for quite some time now, and I am begining to find a loss of dirrection on it. I am hoping that some of you might have some advice. I have been married for almost 8 years now, we have been together for 10. It has never been a wonderful marriage to begain with, nothing that I had ever thought that a marriage should be at least. To go into details would be long and difficult for me. To sum it up, we were originally talking about seperating 10 months into the marriage. That was also when I got pregnant with our son. At that point in time we decided to try and work things out<BR>for our son, and up until a year ago were doing an okay job at it. We fought a lot, and in away to stop the fighting we grew distant. We seperated for awhile, then moved back into our house where we are currently living. We live under the same roof, but that is about it. We have different bedrooms, we both work a lot, we don’t spend any time together. He refuses counsling although I have suggested it too many times to count. We both want to be with our son, just not with each other. I have arranged my work schedule to spend the most time that I can with my son. We are getting divorced. I am pretty sure that he is already seeing someone else. I am not sure what to do right now. I am sort of lost, looking for a friendly face in the crowd. If anyone has any thoughts on it, I would be grateful.

{{{{{{{{Java}}}}}}}}}} <--MB Hug<P>Catchy name, I like it! Welcome to MB and yes, your friend is right, we are the best around here!!<P>I'm sorry to hear you are joining us on the divorce site, but you will find a lot of friends and support here. <P>I can't believe how many people go on in marriage for years and years unhappy. Not quite knowing if it was right or not. I myself did that.<P>I was with my ex 11 years, and married almost 3. I married for the wrong reasons and I'll admit it now, but I don't regret my past.<P>I could never have learned the skills and knowledge any other way.<P>The best thing you can do is read all you can on the MB site. Read other people's posts and when you feel comfortable, reply to them. Even if you have nothing in common with their situation, you can just say hi and offer a hug or prayer.<P>It goes in spurts around here, many of us, post a lot when we are "up" and disappear a little when we are "down" and weekends are slower too.<P>Jim should come along ...Jim..where are you>??? To send you some good links. I'd do it, but I can't keep it all straight. You could look for a link by NSR titled Whats Happening, I think thats it.<P>I know 3 people now, that have lived in the same house, seperate beds now. Ranging from 1 -2 years before the divorce. Ultimately , it finally ended when one realized that the other spouse was seeing someone else was having an affair, or not willing to save the marriage, and living together for convenience.<P>I couldn't do it, but I am sure its got to be hard to see that other person every day, passing your spouse, like a room mate. <P>I hope you find some peace and strength here. Good luck, Dana<BR>

Dana, Thank you for your kind words. Yes, my friend was right, this is a good place to go to. I have wandered around many times, just never found the strength to post anything until yesterday. I am sorry to hear of all that you are going through as well. It will get better for everyone here. Take care. -Java

Java - it's good to have you join us though I am sorry you need to be here. There are a lot of wonderful people here. I have some idea how tough it is to be a housemate with your spose. My parent's were that way. I don't know how my mother endured it. <P>I ended up losing a 17 year marriage. He filed for a divorce in March but didn't move until the end of July. That was five years ago. I may have been divorced longer than most of the people here but that doesn't mean I have resolved all my issues.<P>I know you'll find a lot of comfort here. And when you need to rant and rave, we'll let you do that. You'll find good friends here.<P>Welcome - may God grant you peace. <P>

Welcome <B>JavaAllNightLong</B>...<P>Sorry I'm so late... Dana... <P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Start on the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... we all recommend<BR>...check out the mechanics of Plan A at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You aren't alone...<BR>There is still a chance to recover...<BR>...but like my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A> post says...<BR>...there are no guarenteees!<P>Stay and learn and heal!<P> <P>Jim