Well y'all, my W called me yesterday crying...I told her I would talk to her when she dropped the kids off. She had tears in her eyes <BR>when she showed up; she told me she's forgiven me for our relationship (note: the biggest negative we had against us was lack of communication) <BR>and she stated she doesn't understand why she feels such hate toward some people.<P> I told her I thought she hated me; she said 'of course not'. She said she hates working where she does (with the OM) and wants to take <BR>the kids to visit her family in Indiana this weekend. Well, they're all sympathetic towards me, so I said, 'yeah, I think that'd be good for <BR>you'. She agreed.<P> The kids told me that she was talking to the OM yesterday on the phone (they were arguing, according to the kids), and when she hung up, <BR>she stated how much she hated him. Jeez, they've only been in their new house together for two weeks .<P> I really feel bad for her; she told me she realizes now that most of her problems were internal and that she needs to get past all the <BR>anger and hatred. She actually followed me to my oldest daughter's soccer practice and hung around to keep my youngest daughter company for <BR>the hour; she would have never done that even a few weeks ago. I asked her again if everything was ok; she said if she talked about it she'd <BR>start crying. So, I gave her a hug.<P> I feel that my wife is being the person that I know again, not the person who left, was angry and knew she was right...<P> I'm scared to feel good about her turnaround; I don't know if it's a temporary setback between him & her or what. I'm scared that <BR>she'll want to move back in because they aren't getting along...<P> I had also told her that I was seeing our marriage counselor next Thursday and invited her along; she accepted. She hasn't been in to <BR>see him for over 6 weeks.<P> I guess my question is: 'How do I handle this?'. I'm afraid of committing to anything, but I still love her. I don't want to get in <BR>too deep just to have my heart shattered again.<P> What to do, what to do...<P>theo<P>

btw, I forgot to mention that I recommended 'His Needs, Her Needs' to her. <BR>She read it and said she realizes that her feelings are normal now. I told her it <BR>isn't the answer to everything, but I'm just so happy that she actually sat down <BR>and read it. Felt like I was the one doing all the research...<P>theo<P>

Theo - you don't know me but I was so excited about your post that I had to just write you a note. It is nice to read an encouraging post and that sometimes WS do come to their sense. I am a little jealous b/c my H has yet to shed a tear or show any remorse.<P>I don't have any advice with your wife; it could be just a set back w/OM and it could be the real thing. Keep an open heart (because, really, when you love someone what else can you do?). Unfortunately you will risk have your heart shattered.<P>I will pray for you and your family.

I say go for it! Be available, yet careful! I will pray that this leads to full reconcilation! That is where it should be!<P>Chin up, and remember be careful!

Theo,<P>I write this with a tear in my eye. There are so many of us here that wish we had even the glimpse of hope you have gotten. Don't discount your wife's actions/words - How many times have you heard "the grass isn't always greener", well unfortunately there are many people out there that don't believe it UNTIL they experience it. And your wife could be one of them.<P>I don't know your whole situation, and you do want to be careful (don't get your hopes up too high), BUT don't waste an opportunity either. This could be the first step in the long road to recovery. Be sure not to sabotoge it in any way.<P>Say a short prayer of thanks and ask for the strength, courage and patience you will need in the coming weeks - I will do the same for you.<P>God Bless!

People kept telling me that eventually the light will go on for my H too, and he'd be begging to come back sooner or later. I have yet to see it happen and really don't think so. I'm not sure I love him anymore, in fact, I know I don't because if I did I wouldn't be able to say I'm not so sure. Half of me would cry with happiness, the other half would say so what<P>I'm glad you see good signs and still love her enough to consider it. I don't know where I heard it, but it was just recently, that in affairs women are more likely to be able to end having an affair and return home than men who might just move on to another (they cited reasons like the old days when societies allowed men to have many wives but women didn't have many husbands, reasons for affair are different between men and women, all those social reasons that I couldn't remember if I wanted to). It just made me think that a man would have a much better chance of getting his wife back and reconciling after her affair than a woman would reconciling with a wayward husband. It could all be just hooey; I hope that it's true in your case. God bless.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Theo, <BR>I truly think the question you must ask yourself is, if she is showing signs, are you willing to put the effort in?? Do you still have love left for your wife?? Can you forgive her? Because, esp for a while, YOU will be doing all the work. <BR>What is so bad about infidelity is that the trust has totally eroded. And it is difficult to get it back. When the WS starts to shoe what your wife is showing, it is most likely an indicator that she knows she has made a mistake, but is still in confusion. If you truly want your marriage, and do not commit to Dr. Harleys principles of no LB, you will turn her away again. Is it fair?? NO! But will you have to do it in order to restore your marriage?? YES!! It will be the hardest thing you wil do. I truly suggest that you get a counseling session with Steve H. Let him help you with a plan to restore your marriage. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

thanks y'all...<P>duesoon: don't get too jealous . as you said, it may be a temporary setback (see below)<P>Omaha: thanks for your prayers; I'll do my best<P>SoTired: yeah, I do feel a bit lucky(?), but I plan to tread very lightly. Thanks for <BR>the prayer.<P>Kathy: I wasn't so sure I loved my wife any more either, but when they start showing signs...<BR>Maybe if your hubby said similar things as my W, you couldn't help but have feelings toward <BR>him again. I read the same thing about women ending affairs a couple of weeks after she <BR>left...not sure if that's an opinion or from a study.<P>Sue: I definitely see that she's confused; she pretty much stated that she needs to seek help <BR>for herself. I know I couldn't forgive her without the help of counseling. I'm scared that <BR>she'll want to move back in. I thought I could be more prepared if she was to want to come <BR>back a year or so from now, not six months from D-Day; I'm not even sure if she's even <BR>considering it because she hasn't told me what's going on.<P> She ended up not taking the trip to see her family this weekend . I called the kids <BR>tonight to say goodnight, and nothing seemed different. I think the OM was playing a game with <BR>them or something. They sounded like they were having a good time. Maybe the past few days <BR>were just an apparition.<BR> My W did tell me today that she would definitely make it to the appointment with the <BR>marriage counselor on Thursday. Maybe she'll open up there.<P> Best of luck and prayers to all of you!<P>theo<P>

Theo,<P>WOW, haven't seen you post in a while.<P>I hope this might be a positive turn around for you.<P>Take it very slow and don't look to far ahead. Baby steps and lots of prayers, and maybe things can really be different in the future.<P>How are you feeling?? I know that my ex is nice to me when he and OW are fighting. In a way, it makes me feel second choice. I don't like it. <P>Did they buy a house together?? WOW!!<P>Be strong, hugs and prayers, Dana (formerly lonelymom if u haven't seen my post before)<P>