You saw the old thread. You know I changed my name. I'm so excited.<P>Well, it's time to give x's last name back to him. You get to vote!!!<P>How do I give it back?<P>1))))Write it out in nice calligraphy on a nice piece of paper and make a ceremony for myself out of preparing it. Enclose a letter about the fact I am returning his name to him so that he may give it to whomever it is that he is marrying and copy of the court order. Wrap it beautifully then present it to him in person. If I go with this option, do I ask him to open it then while I watch or do I tell him to take it home?<P>2))))Prepare it just as ceremonially but but it in a shipping carton and mail it to him to be delivered at work. Call the secretary in his office, with whom I am still on speaking terms, and ask her to relay to me his reaction.<P>3)))) Simply computer print the name on a sheet of paper and put it in a manila envelope with letter of explanation and copy of court order and mail it to him. Probably send it to his office so that I can get reaction from secretary.<P>If I send it to him, should I send it so that he has to go to post office to sign for the thing. If I do that, Rita can't tell mw what his reaction is.<P>OK, cast your ballots. I want to hear from you by Tuesday morning. That gives you almost three days. What's your opinion?

Do the box trick - you know, a big brown box with wrapped boxes inside of boxes and the last box would have the envelope. Or in the last box, you could enclose a "suppository" with his name written on the wrapper and tell him to stick it. <P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

One time I saw an ashtray that looked like a toilet. I also saw a small plastic toilet that, when you lift the lid it makes a flushing sound. Saw it at Walgreen's, Eckerd's, CVS, you know a drug store.<P>It would be nice to get one of those, include a letter, then either paint on the "toilet" or put a little piece of paper inside and say something like..."This is what I think of your name and what you can do with it"<P>On the other hand, I still believe that just plain indifference is much worse. Don't send him anything. Go ahead and change your name. Eventually he'll find out.

cindyrelly,<P>I think TS has it right. Let him find out on his own....I think showing him your indifference would hurt him the most (if hurting him is what you want) If you want to do little ceremony for yourself, by all means do it, but just for you. That's just IMO.<P>Also, what happens to you if X doesn't react the way you anticipate?<BR>

Ya, I agree-<P>I think of the things I'd love to do, but reality is all together different. I probably would do nothing also because it really isn't about him anymore, is it? I keep wanting to change mine back, but my boys have reacted very badly to the idea, so I'll keep it for them (altho, my 8-year old said it would only be ok if I changed my last name to "Flowers" , because I love gardening so much).<P>Nope, that's ok.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Y'all are probably right. I need the ceremony for myself. What if I just send him a copy of the court order? Nothing else. He needs to know what his children's mother's name is. Besides, I do want him to make out the checks to the right person.<P>Maybe I'll have my personal ceremony and burn his name in the fire place. Maybe just invite some women friends over and we can burn anything else that we wish at the same time. Momentoes with bad associations or slips of paper with problems we wish to give up.

Y'all are probably right. I need the ceremony for myself. What if I just send him a copy of the court order? Nothing else. He needs to know what his children's mother's name is. Besides, I do want him to make out the checks to the right person.<P>Maybe I'll have my personal ceremony and burn his name in the fire place. Maybe just invite some women friends over and we can burn anything else that we wish at the same time. Momentoes with bad associations or slips of paper with problems we wish to give up, bad memories, whatever.

My personal opinion on the matter... send him the court order. That is all that he needs. Why put your time and energy into something that you are going to hand over to him? Rather focus your energy into something for yourself. Have your ceremony. Invite some friends over and then let your old name go. Fire is always good for that. While it is burning or shortly there after, have a toast to welcome in the new you! You deserve it! -Java

I would do it without any fanfare at all. If you make a big deal out of it, it appears that you are just doing it for a reaction. Let him find out all on his own. You may not get to see his reaction, but if you are doing it for the right reasons, it won't matter if you know how he feels anyway.