Hi,<P>Since this is a public forum, I would like to say sonething in my own thread that relates to your empathy with Trapped Mom's situation.<P>Your unique position is akin to you having the best antidote, and not a matter of who you want to give the cure to, simply a matter of whether you want to use the antidote to alleviate further suffering and repercussions this A will bring.<P>I am not holding you in judgement because I am not God. I am concerned that you seem to think it is more right when the OW is your best friend and sister. As your best friend and sister, you would want her to work on her own marriage or find a single man rather than be entangled in a hateful rivalry (for want of a better word) with an outcome of 5% (statitics on remarriage of partners in As) happiness.<P>What lessons are your own children learning from this? That it is okay as long as you are the one doing the 'stealing'? What would your advice be to our children? <P>I do not know the whole story as you have also confessed to not knowing everything about the affair. A divorce is as a better option in the cases of abuse (physical, emotional, substance, or child, etc.) or if the WS will not stop been unfaithful. Is any of these the situation with Trapped Mom's H? If so, would you even want your sister to be married to him? If not, you can help to make your sister understand and let Trapped Mom's family rebuild.<P>How would you react if your are the mother to K? <P>Would you think differently if you were Trapped Mom's sister and K is your best friend? <P>You can continue to be K's best friend and sister by supporting her through her disappointments and in coaching her back to a life in the light.<P>The bottomline in life, I trust, should not be where you stand but more what you stand for. <P>Please help when you really can.<BR>weep

I have been through more than my share of heartache and I did NOT come on here to be attacked. I am the one who sent trapped mom here to begin with so that she could find support because I was worried about her. Evidently, my concern for her and her children has been turned into a negative. So be it. I am just glad that when I needed this board most in my life, it was not one geared toward attack and revenge. Maybe I am just a more forgiving person than the people currently on here. I have, in my heart, forgiven the OW in my life and, by speaking with them, the previous 4. <BR>I am truly sorry for what trapped and you are going through. But, I will NOT apologize for having my sister-in-law as my best friend NOR for letting her live here with me. I have let her know my feelings and I have told her that none of us want the heartache this relationship will bring or has brought for her. <BR>You all may wish to consider that research shows that children of adulterers generally become adulterers themselves. Will you who would have me turn my back on my sister turn your backs on your own children as well should they make the same mistakes? I pray, for their sakes, not.<BR>Evidently trapped has been coming on here and talking with people who would have her be paranoid about me and my intentions. Well, there is no question about that anymore because as of now, I am removing myself completely from the situation that I should not have involved myself in to begin with. I regret the day I ever called trapped to warn her because that has somehow turned me into the bad guy. <BR>I also will not come on here to bear the brunt of your anger against those who have hurt you.

Ladies,<P>I am not getting into this situation execpt to say that this is a message board, nothing posted here can be expected to be private. I'm sorry but that is how it is. Perhaps Sis and TrappedMom could take private communacations to email. Please remember if you put something on the internet it is there for all to see.<P>I will add this tho, after seeing what I went through if my son ever has an emr, he cannot expect support from me. Will I stop loving him ? NEVER, will I give him h#%% ? You better believe it.<P><P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Dear Sis<P>If you reread my post, I don't think there is anger or malice in it, non directed at you at all. <P>I am merely appealing to your sense of responsibility, a quality that I gleened from reading your posts to Trapped Mom. I also felt that you were somehow "trapped" as well. Perhaps I am wrong to think that you were in the best position to help them; I just thought if one could stop the clock now is far better than attempting to turn back the clock which will be impossible in the near future.<P>Do you honestly think that I would appeal to you if you were a 'bad' and uncaring soul? <P>Furthermore, I too have better things to do than be angry with you or attack you because I know that having been hurt yourself, you deserve to heal completely, not be in a situation where your own values are torn.<P>I did state clearly that you should encourage K to lead a happier life and to help her overcome her A by coaching her to health in her relationship.<P>You have courageously posted on this public forum for whatever reason, and I was more than moved by both Trapped Mom's and your own painful marriages, and saw a small chance that something might be salvaged for Trapped Mom with your kind help because of the unique but UNENVIABLE position you are in.<P>Other than that, I have no other motive. I have never, really, never been one to pick a fight.<P>I am sorry you have to feel 'attacked'. Please trust your instincts.

weep<BR>sis has done more than most people would trying to help in this situation. a lot of people would have chosen not to try at all because it isn't their business.<BR>I know that sis has done a great deal to try to help her SIL to see what she is doing. She reached out to Trapped Mom for the sole purpose of trying to help.<BR>I have been on this forum a very long time. I watched sis struggle through the horrors of infidelity in her own situation. There is no way that she condones anything that is going on.<P>sis<BR>I am very sorry that your attempt to reach out has been taken in the wrong context. You reached out because you wanted to help. Because you know what this feels like. I know that you have agonized over the position you have found yourself in.<BR>I certainly wish there had been someone there trying to talk sense into the OW or my H during their affair.<BR>Take care of yourself. Reaching out is not wrong. I admire you for trying.

HI Sis,<BR>I was meandering around this forum (because there are days I wonder if I should be here)and read this interesting discussion. <BR>First weep, I cannot imagine sis ever being anything but supportive of tm! She is a very kind soul, very loving. Certainly not in a good situation. <BR>I wonder how many of us have friends and relatives that we do love and support that have been involved in emr's? I would bet there are a lot....and while we would not support it, we certainly would not throw them to the wolves! We can offer our hand, but cannot force one to follow the same path-no matter who they are. <BR>

If my kids were ever involved in an affair, of course I would still love them. I would still love them if they became serial killers. But I would NOT support them. I would NEVER let the affair partner into my house or my life. People have affairs in part because they know it won't have any affect on the rest of their life - it won't affect their job or their relationships with their friends and relatives appreciably.

Well, I wanted to reply also. I have been reading the posts as well and also feel like Sis was trying to be supportive.<P>I'm sure that sis remembers her own pain vividly and can understand that TM is currently in the throes of it and is unable to see through honest support right now. I want to respond to Trapped Mom also because she is feeling the realistic pain that you feel when you have been so betrayed. I understand the feeling towards the OW very well...but they too are in THAT place where even though they can say they feel bad...they really cannot SEE what they are doing to so many people.<P>So many people get hurt in this situation. It really makes you realize how carefully you need to treat each relationship you have.

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 21, 2001).]

Dear TM,<P>I have just written a long post at "back to Dallas-..." by Catnip under Pregnancy/OC. It details much of the A which was a huge torment to me.<P>I am in a rather strange situation with WS Plan Aing (he doesn't know about this Plan A thing) to me most of the time after the A was exposed. My case is very twisted and scary and I have to rely on God to still my heart. I have been on the brink of madness and back. I really don't want my H but for the baby and the financial support (I quit a high flying job for him).<P>I wish you God speed in your recovery and in rebuilding your life and your children's. I will pray that you get completely healed and live for God, and that you can go forth without the burden of bitterness and hatred taking roots in you. Unchain the bondages and set yourself free so that you, your children and loved ones can experience joy and bright days again.<P>Maybe looking at a picture of you as a small child may help motivate you to be the best person you can be, to rise above the turmoil and heartache, to reivent yourself again, because the little girl has grown up and was gravely hurt but if you look at the photo as with your parents' eyes, you can will yourself to start again and be filled with new dreams and hopes. <P>If you believe in God, there is also a prayer request board. Or if you are protestant and you want me to pray for specifics, I can do that. Let me know.<P>God Bless and Loves YOu and your children<BR>Take care<BR>weep