my husband of 10 yrs and 3 kids is an alcoholic/drug abuser. i have left several times but was stupid enough to return each time- i have NO idea why. he was in jail for over a year and i took him back when he got out. ( by the way, i do not drink or smoke or do drugs)BIG MISTAKE. I think I knew it when i did it- but that is another story. Anyway, he was clean for about 3-4 weeks when he started drinking again- wine coolers first- I had a fit because I knew what it would lead to- well it did because he then started on the rum and coke- and when i complained about that- he went back to beer- at least a six pack a day, more on the weekends. also,smokes crack at least once a week- usually on payday, so if i am lucky enough to get any money out of him on fridays, he spends the rest that night and needs me to buy him beer and cigarettes the rest of the week with what he already gave me. he doesnt realize that this is not contributing to the household when you spend more than what you contribute on these habits. Well, we are both miserable I have an "attitude" and a "big mouth" (his terms) and he is "sick of it". I am sick of everything. We constantly fight about leaving- now he has determined that he will not go anywhere because he doesn't want to pay me child support. I told him I would sign a legal statement saying I didn't want any child support if he would just leave. He says the judge would award it anyway. I found out that this is true. He pays over 100 dollars a week in child support for children from another relationship already and so he doesnt feel he would be able to support himself if he had to pay me too. i have come to the conclusion that we can never make eachother happy. I think that I have outgrown him. things that didnt matter 10 years ago mean everything now.mainly, the drinking. He is also into pornography which is the most disgusting thing on earth to me. this is because i can not even bring myself to have sex with him i am so angry with him. that is another story. he refuses marriage counseling- says he doesnt need it. he refuses to split the bills in half- of course he refuses that- he is living for practically free now. he couldnt afford to pay half the bills. he is verbally abusive and used to be physically so- has started threatening me again- i keep waiting for him to hit me so i can call the cops, but he hasnt. he did throw a bone at me last weekend,though- just like a dog. yes, the party is over- but how do i get him to leave without a confrontation? i just bought a house a few months ago (it is in my name only) and the only way i see out is to leave the house and stay with someone else, continue to pay my mortgage, and wait til he leaves, which i know he eventually would. but i dont want to leave, inconvenience someone else, and disrupt my kids lives even more than they already are. I told him that since it is so obvious that we are over, the least we could do is be civil to eachother. he agrees but then gets meaner with each passing day. he says mean, hurtful things to me all the time. he thinks that this will make me change and do the things he wants me to do. but it does nothing but make me rebell. the namecalling,etc. never used to bother me before, but now it does tremendously. he flushed the antidepressants down the toilet. they were the only things keeping my head above water. now i am an emotional mess- i can barely make it through a day at work without crying. i need prayers and lots of them. please give me advice and suggestions and pray for me.

maryjane...<P>Please keep yourself safe...<BR>...it sounds like your H is a powderkeg.<P>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P> <P>You have my prayers...<P>Jim

Maryjane,<P>Please take care of yourself. I think getting out is definitely in your best interest. I am usually one who says staying together and working out your problems is best, but this is entirely different situation. I fear that as you proceed to get out of the relationship he will only become meaner and nastier. On top of drugs and alcohol, that is not a good mix and could be dangerous to YOUR health.<P>Seriously consider moving out - maybe even to a shelter for a while. If you go to a friends house he may figure out where you are and .....<P>I will most certainly pray for you during this time. The situation you describe just sounds too dangerous.<P>Be careful, be strong.<BR>God's peace and love to you.

Your H sound like he has nothing to lose and people in such a position can flip when he realise fully that you are not his 'mother' anymore. Unfortunately, there are people who have no qualms about parking themselves and not contributing.<P>But what is more dangerous is that he may go physically violent when his drinking and substance abuse gets more and more out of hand.<P>Is there a way you can start your life anew in some other place without him knowing after the divorce? IS it safe for the kids now?<P>You also need to take care of yourself.<P>My prayers are with you, let me say one here:<P>"Almighty God, I commit Maryjane (her codename on this MB site) and her family into your merciful hands. Please cover the children and she in the blood of Jesus that no one, especially her abusive husband can harm her in any way. I also pray that you give her the strength and wisdom to move forward in her life. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."

maryjane,<BR>Leave him! Money isn't important you and your childrens lives are. Ever thought of turning him in for the drugs. I know that sounds harsh but it would be a way out for you. Get some counseling for yourself, you don't need to live with his addictions and abuse!<P>Please be careful!<P>Jill