If you read some of the success stories here, lostva and K being two of the opposite sex stories, WSes say that all the time. You do not need to agree, nor do you need to act in the same manner.<P>Yes, the words hurt, but the actions are what's important. Don't give it too him, make him work for it. He has to do the paper work, but you still act married, still keep up Plan A. Plan A is hard, very hard, because there is the lack of reciprocation from the WS.<P>But keep acting married, this confuses the WS, and the WS then decides if he really wants to throw it away. If you continue to Plan A to the end, then it isn't about you, it is about the WS, and that may be beyond your control.<P>Don't quit, keep a positive attitude, and believe in yourself as a good person, a quality wife with Plan A. Unless there is a reason why staying together will be damaging to yourself, do not give up, be strong around the WS, and show him how much you want the marriage.<P>Many people give up when the other person doesn't go along with them<P>However, also remember, it is not the end of the world. You have looked at what a marriage really takes, and now agree with it. You will be better off in the future knowing how to fulfill needs, and not to LB.<BR>Don't give up, no one likes quitters. do you like your H quitting on you?<P>JUST KEEP GOING!<P>thl

Thank you. I am printing out your post to reread.<P>I had picked up paperwork from a lawyer friend of mine this weekend. I wanted it over. Then I read the line that said "The marriage is irretrievably broken." I felt that I could not in good conscience initiate the the signing of a document that said what I really do not believe.

WhenIfindthetime,<P>I don't even know the full story you are referring to (will look on the board), but I want to thank you for your words. I am in a similar state with my wife except that we are separated now for 6 months. <P>I have been having these weekly battles with myself whether to "keep trying" or to "give up on her".<P>Up until now, the "keep trying" side of me has been winning. But often it is so hard when friends and family are telling you to begin to "get over her". They often tell me they have friends they want me to meet and that there are other fish in the sea. I know there are - I already have had opportunities arise (I am not "full of myself" at all, just am confident in who I am). I know that I would not have a problem meeting someone else. But, I don't want to right now.<P>So many times I am tempted to just listen to those around me. But then I hear this voice in my ear reminding me that "I love her" and to honor my vows. So what if she is the "ice queen" right now? So what if she tells people "this is the happiest she's ever been"? I know that it is only a "front".<P>Deep down I know for a fact that all I would need to do is "flip a switch" and I could move on without her. I really do know that. I am, and always have been a very independent person. I think that is why my friends and family worry about me. To them they see it as me not being able to move on, to me it is trying so hard for something that means so much to me.<P>In any case, it is so helpful to listen to other people urge us to hold strong for what we believe in. Need that kind of advice every now and then.<P>Thanks!

When you are ready, you will know it, you give it all you have, and then YOU will know. Do not listen to other prople, they are often times a bad influence as they are not in your shoes, and remember what Harley says about anger?<P>Anger makes you forget, because it goves you a sense of equality, it neutralizes the pain, and protects the self. This is what your friends are doing, helping you protecdt yourself.. However, that is great, building walls around yourself does not tear down walls of the WS or any S.<P>So think about it, how do you tear down S's walls? by extending oneself or building up your own walls? It takes alot of thought, alot os introspection, and alot of hard work, then you will have earned your way out, with no regrets.<P>You will have some, but not ones of not trying when you know you have given it everything you've got.<P>Plan A for life, <P>thl