Cinderella,<P>i posted the OM stuff on the wrong board.<P>So just to let you know, I have not said anything to kids about OM, and don't plan on it. In fact I am pretty good at ignoring things I don't need to know about. 11 yo was pretty interesting, when I dropped him off after practice, he said STBX would be at her meetings, and the kids have a baby sitter, and he described her. Then when we drove in and OM was there, he said, "What the heck?"<P>So it will be interesting. He would be one to switch households if he didn't like the OM.<P>On the other side, I do not say anything bad about the STBX, either. We had some great times together, and I tell the kids about them. I don't put her down, although we have our differences, and I can explain those, if the kids are interested.<P>The OM is actually very much her speed, whereas STBX is very slow and timid compared to me. We live in different circles, completely, and her decision to not allow me to move with her and the kids has to do with her feeling that she cannot take me to socialize with her new friends. She is like the person on American Beauty (haven't seen it thought) who trades down to flip burgers. She hates responsibility, and has told me that many times in different ways. My FIL told me the same belief, directly. They are just not the people I want to hang out with, mostly relatively poor, and not well educated, some hard working, but not advancement type, but get by types, and mostly have limited sense of Christian values (best way to put it). So she is looking for that type, which she found, and hopes that he will follow her and her advice.<P>On the same post, although I may be an atheist, I am not a pagan. I think Christian values are good, i just don't like it when they are used for an excuse to do something, or people think that sinning and then confession makes it all better, and they can then go and do it again.<P>I also don't always think that the person giving the sermon always lives in the real world, and can tell me what I should or should not do, because he is not me. But I contribute to society, to the community, and donate in dollars, not time.<P>However, I may argue different viewpoints, and be opinionated, I am not always politically correct, because that suppresses individual thoughts and freedom of speech.<P>So thanks for the input, though I am OK from your responses, just wasn't sure what to say to the kids. Yes, I have two more mediation meeting this week, to try to wrap up stuff, and then on to the counseling.<P>thl

Ok - I hope I didn't come down too hard. <P>I'm a lot stressed with x getting married this weekend. I know it is in my children's best interest for this to be a good marriage but my human nature would love to see him emotionally disemboweled and eviscerated just as I was. <P>Yeah, as you can guess, when the children are singing his praises, it gets all over me. That's when I struggle with the fact that I didn't want life to be this way. And sometimes it hard not to tell the children that.

{{{{{{Cinderella}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I expect that this will be a tough weekend for you and for the kids, and I expect I will have some of those in the future myself. Just remember you have a better life right now, and ignore what you can't control.<P>It is easy to say, but very hard to do. No, I didn't think you were too hard on me, it takes alot to be too hard on me, as I am the aggressive goal oriented success driven type of individual.<P>You need support this weekend, I'm sure, do something for yourself, and spend some time with your BF. Unless your XH has gone through some intense counseling, and has wanted to change, I doubt he will change, and you will see that in the future.<P>But we here have changed for the better and for the future. Yes, I was angry at STBX once too, but seeing what she traded me in for, I can see her point of view. I was way too fast and difficult for her to deal with, understanding how she operates, and resisting the manipulation and participating in the OC behavior. Can you see from your XH's point of view, that you were too good for him? <P>That yo take your responsibilities seriously,? and your socialization and the kids best interests as your first priority? not your own personal hedonism?<P>Cinderella, you have gone through alot, been put down when you should have been lifted up, and now you will see the whole show again, just you're in the audience, instead of in the show.<P>Chin up, you can do better than the STBX. As you once said you are infinitely better off now than before!<P>thl