I don't even know where to post this. I have decided to give in to my husband's request for a divorce. It has reached a point where it is too painful to feel the rejection. He says he no longer loves me and that when we married he didn't have the strength of character to walk away from what he considered to be a mistake. This is something that I never knew. He doesn't deny loving me. He refuses counseling; I have tried to convince him in many different ways, but nothing seems to work. He's moving in November, and I feel that it is completely over. <P>I wrote earlier that plan A had failed. I don't necessarily believe that, but I cannot seem to draw a distinction between hope and denial. Up until the very last minute, I had immense hope-even after he told me he wanted a divorce. Now I wonder where the fine line between denial and hope actually lies. I hear people saying that it's not over until the papers are signed and even then it's not over. But isn't is somewhat self destructive to continue to hold out hope for someone that clearly wants out? I know I sound pessimistic and not quite encouraging. I wouldn't have done anything differently since he left. I know I can sleep at night because I did all that my heart told me to. But so did he. How can I fault him for that?<BR>

I guess I don't get it, he says he loves you yet he wants divorce. I know exactly where you are at as I often wonder if I am just in heavey duty denial or just hopeful.<P>mY WIFE SAYS THERE IS NO HOPE YET i HOPE!<P>She also says that I am just stubborn and that I need to let go of her> I don't feel I am stubburn I feel I made a committment and that I am upholding the committment.

GSD,<BR>Harley recommends medications - get yourself some anti-depressants so that you can think clearly about this.<P>Stop trying to convince him of things - what if he sees it as pushy, controlling behavior? Once you get on the meds and get your emotions under control, then you can continue you plan A. Don't forget that part of plan A is an effort to have things to remember when he's out on his own eating out of a can.<P>(sorry guys, I guess some of you may be able to boil water...)<P>Try and think of the Plan A that you are building as you becoming a person that is worthy of love. Not as you trying to win your H back. You can't be rejected by him if you are working on yourself instead of working on him.<P>H

Yikes! I mistated: he DOESN'T love me. That kind of changes things, huh?

You know, the old me would have said - why wait get out now!<P>What is he waiting for?<P>H

In fact, I am the primary cook in the household and I am a guy!<P>Lived alone for some 18 years so I need to cook or eat out!<P>Now I have been cooking for five for nine years and I am being asked to quit!<P>Weird!!!!!!!<P>

Did they run out of antacids?

Those are only necesssary when the wife cooks!

Harlequin99,<P>Watch it! <BR>I pride myself on being an excellent cook! I started when I was 17 and have not stopped since. I'm no chef, but I know my way around a kitchen!<P>gsd,<BR>I am so sorry for your situation. And sorry to know I am in the "same boat" with my wife. What I have tried to do is realize that hope should not be controlled by my wife. Hope is wishing for something that has not happened, yet believing that it will. Don't let your husband's present actions and words tarnish your hope. <P>How long to hope? Well that seems to be a hot topic on this board lately... I don't think there is any definite time frame - You will know (at least that is what everyone keeps telling me). I will tell you one thing just to make sure if it happens to you, you don't think you are alone: Over the past 8 months I have gone from hoping/knowing things will work out, to utter despair and believing there is no way this will work out. Each phase often comes in weeks at a time.<P>So if you feel hopeless now, know that it might change in a few weeks. Also, if you have God in your life, know that what he promises us, is not given to us in "our" time. Rather it is given to us in "His time".<BR>He may not always give us what we want when we want it, but He will ALWAYS give us what we need. My faith has always been strong, but this situation has increased it by leaps and bounds. Not because things are working out for my marriage (far from it), but just because I feel His comfort and love and often that is the only thing that gets me through the days...<P>hurtinginOmaha,<BR>I believe that when WS says things like that, they are only feeling guilty and by you continuing to "love" them, they feel even worse. What they hope is that by telling you those things, you will leave them alone and everything will get easier. (As long as you are not becoming a "stalker" )

When my mind works overtime and I suspect she is seeing someone else already the thought of following her does enter my mind. But I don't do it, I just put more energy into the kids!<P>It is hard when you want and they don't want back!

My H divorced me about a year and a half ago. We've talked a few times during this period. The last time he called was about 4-5 months ago. <P>Tonight I sent him an e-mail telling him I still loved him. I don't really expect a reply. He has had a year and a half to see what life is like without me, with little contact. Apparently, he is liking life without me better, and there is nothing I can do about it. It seems that I have to face that the man I fell in love with, and am still in love with, no longer exists. <P>I don't have any desire to date and haven't this entire time. Maybe someday, but I'm not looking for it. Somehow, I'll have to find a way to put this in the past but not quite sure how to do that. My day-to-day life is pretty good, and getting better, so it's not like I've put my life on hold or anything. It's just that I miss my ex, and so far, noone I've come across even comes close. Suppose there are plenty of people here who stopped loving their ex's long ago, but I can't imagine loving anyone more than I loved my H. I'm just cursed, I guess. <P>

I know exactly how you feel. We were divorced 10 months ago. We both dated other people after the divorce. Then, we tried to get back together, but he wasn't ready for a commitment so he left again. Now, he wants to be long-distance friends and I want more.<P>I dated others and decided that I wanted to remarry him. We have both said that we regret the divorce and wish that it hadn't happened. I still love him and have no desire to date anybody else.<P>It is especially hard because I fell harder for the "man" that came back in Feb. to "win me back", then I ever fell for the "man" that I married 8 years ago. He was so great when he came back, but now he has left again.<P>This past year has been an emotional rollercoaster.<P>------------------<BR>Jennidy

Jennidy-<P>I'm so sorry. That is my biggest fear. That he will come to "win me back" right as I am getting on with my life. And like a rubberband, I will snap back into pain and confusion. Would you take him back again?

gsd <P>so tired has the right approach.....trust in the lord he will give you what you need not always what you want!<P>taking someone back is tough i am in that situation now...and sometimes it seems almost impossible, but forgiveness is the key in that situation i believe ...<P>all our prayers are with you!<BR>